Kya karein kya na karein...

This post might make few readers feel that am boasting about myself. But well then, tumhare maan-ne ya na maan-ne se mujhe fark padta nahi aajkal. Tumhe mere hone na hone se fark nahi padta to mujhe kyun pade? Kaun se maine apne gehne girve rakh diye thaare paas ke mujhe fark pade? Bhaad mein jaao!

I’m a total movie-buff. Everybody knows that. There are few directors whose’ movie I seldom miss. These includes the likes of RGV, Habib Faisal, Shimit Amin and Anurag Kashyap. I know most of their projects are nothing but shitty but still I can tolerate them for each time they serve ‘something new’. The reason I admire such directors is that I feel my attitude matches their’s. This line may make many feel that boasting has started. Fine then, am boasting. I feel a connect with their work. I believe they are the ones who live their life on their own terms. They don’t compromise on their output. It may even mean churning out shit. As far as they are happy with their work, they don’t give any damn to the outer world. Same is with me.

I’ve always had my own set of beliefs from very tender age. From quite early I had developed this attitude where-in I decided to opt out of the knot if I felt I can’t make with this person. In other words, I preferred to break it.  And touchwood, till date there has been no qualm of being this way. I do what I believe. And I believe what I do or what I am about to do.  Person himself knows where his/her strength lies. Me particularly is quite aware about it. Give me any God-damn thing. Bit tensed I may get, but ever you’ll find me in-competent. Be it anything. I’ll find some or the other way out. I’m saying so because I’ve been tried and tested under severe situations. And I’ve came out with the victor’s cup. But that was possible because somebody gave me chance. A chance to prove myself. And a chance to discover myself. Quite often we find people saying that I’m tired, I feel over-worked, I feel humiliated, etc etc. I don’t feel that way. Trust me. For, I take every new day on my toes. For, I know each new day has got new things in store for me. Give me an example of one person, who can say that my present day was ‘exactly’ same as my last day. There won’t be any. And I can bet my manhood for that.

Each new days brings in an opportunity to do something ‘new’. It just depends upon how you encash it. I try. I try to make the most of it. Few days back I had sent one sms to all my friends saying that for every day of my 7 months of article-ship [on paper!] so far, I haven’t worked for a single day. And by work, I meant the WORK. Yes. It might come as a shocker for many. But I hope you get the feel behind what I said. Each new day was different from the one that had passed. I experienced myself getting well-versed with the things each new day. Each new day there was something in my knowledge-bank that was not there at the end of the previous day. And that is what I’ve always wanted. I fear nothing[practically]. What I fear is stagnancy. One thing that I’ve realized time and again is, life moves on. People may come. People may go. Events may come. Events may go. Show goes on. Remember that one person in school on whom you were totally flat? Is that same person there with you NOW? I know majority of you will reply in negative. For those who said YES, then, mates you are the lucky ones. Don’t lose them. I was on very good terms with few people. Life was moving on. They were alive. I was alive. Then a stage came where our equations were not that great. They moved on. I moved on. They were alive. I was alive. Gulzar saahab rightly says, ‘jaanewalon ke liye kabhi dil nahin toda karte….’. Then they came back. I accepted them with a warm hug. They are moving on. I’m also growing and developing [very much evident!]. They are alive. I’m alive. To rona kya bhendi? Gar tumko hai problem, tumhara issue hai, na rumaal hai hum pe, na hum pe tissue hai, sutte ka kohra hai, daaru bahi hai.

As I said, I fear stagnancy, these days I’m feeling lots and lots of fear. For, in a way, my life has become stagnant. There are certain people with whom I want to talk and end certain things/issues. I know my exit is written. I’ve myself penned it with what I’m. I just want that exit to be smooth. I don’t want any past-exit hues and cries. I don’t want people to abuse me after I’m gone. Atleast not for something that I wasn’t even part of. Don’t know why I’m in the bad books of majority of the people. May be because I’m a rowdy guy. There is this upcoming movie of Akshay Kumar named ‘Rowdy Rathore’. And many people are not aware of the word ‘ROWDY’. To my mind, rowdy is something and somebody who is bit loud. If it is the definition then yes, obviously I’m a ROWDY. You are a ROWDY. Everyone is ROWDY. Some people prefer to hide it. And they succeed in doing so as well. And some like me feels no shame in flaunting it. If expressing your joy/mental state is being rowdy, then yes am a rowdy yaar. So what? What’s wrong in that? And I’m a bad person because of that? Screw you, if you said yes.

I was talking about beliefs. You know, you can change somebody’s belief. But you can’t change somebody’s mental decision. I can explain you everything in detail. But it won’t be of any use in case you’ve already decided my character. And boss Gulzar saahab says, ‘khamoshi ka haasil bhi ek lambi si khamoshi hai…’. Can you understand it? Boss baat karne se hi baat banti hai. Trust me, it doesn’t takes a moment to call it off. What takes time is making it. Taj Mahal can be demolished in a minute. But can you imagine how long would it have taken to build it? Same goes with human relations. And that relation can be any. Be it father-son, husband-wife, friends, lovers, etc. Ignorance is bliss they say. Wish I could kick them in their ass. Can you wonder how badly it hurts when some body ignores you? You can spend your life with somebody who hates you, who wants to kill you but not with somebody who is ignorant of you. For, then such life loses it’s charm yaar. You know the reason of life is to live your life with a reason. If somebody hates you, you have a reason to try and make sure that his/her hatred is reduced. If somebody wants to kill you, you’ve a reason to mend your ways with that person. But what if somebody ignores you? What is the purpose then? You can’t always go and ping somebody. After a point you start to feel ashamed of yourself. Of your ego. Of your self-respect. Andar se ek aawaaz dhikkaarti hai ke chutiye jab usko nahin padi to tu kyun chuttad ghis raha hai? But then, for somebody like me who thinks a lot, it isn’t easy either to lose it so easily. As I said, I will be happy if somebody feels bad about me if I had done wrong with that person, which I haven’t done with anybody so far as far as my memory supports me.. But I can’t live with the guilt that I’m in the bad books of that person for no apparent fault of mine. It doesn’t happens with everyone. Almost all feels that am an asshole. I show them this- _|_.  But I can’t think of somebody feeling bad of me when that somebody was a friend of mine at one point of time. That too, a good friend.

I happened to watch one movie called ‘Pyaar Ka Punchnama’ few days back all thanks to Babu Gujjar! There is this famous scene in the movie where one of the male characters gets frustrated of the opposite sex and spits his anger about them. I believe that particular scene is one the best scene I’ve ever seen in my life. I give full marks to the writer for penning down such minute yet real details so perfectly. Each one of us must have gone through it one day or the other. There was this remarks about ‘girls and sense’ in that very scene. It was so God-damn true. For girls, each talk is argument. For boys, each talk is discussion. Boys have this basic criteria of making sense in every discussion. Aur ladkiyaan bolti hain ke bhenchod ye sense jaisi chhoti si cheez ke wajah se hum argument kaise haar jaayein? _|_

Bhai kisi ko khush ho ke main bataata hoon ke am a part of Ernst and Young family now which is supposed to be part of one of the big four management consultancy firms in the world. Maine hamesha se yehi jaana, samjha aur maana hai ke khushi baanttne se badhti hai aur gham baanttne se kam hota hai. Dekha phir wohi baat, BELIEF. Khaer, maine un khawaateen ko bataaya ke main EY ka part hoon. Us waqt to unka koi jawaab na aaya. Ek din bas yun hi garma garmi ka thoda maahaul chal raha tha to unka jawaab aata hai ke- Don’t boast about you big company thing. Hansi bhi aati hai. Afsos bhi hota hai. Hansi isliye ke kis cheez ko kahaan joda un khawaateen ne. Afsos isliye ke yaar kahin maine galti to nahin ki unhe bataa ke? Ya unhe dost maan ke? Samajh mein nahin aa raha yaar. Ek yehi example nahin hai. Aur bhi hain. Khaer dusron ki tarag ungali uthaane se pehle apne girebaan mein bhi jhaank lena chahiye aisa mujhe sikhaaya gaya hai bachpan se. By the way sweetheart, woh company nahin, firm hai. JFYKI ok. I’m not boasting here about my global-gyaan!

Yaar maine ye post bade hi frustration mein likha hai. I seriously wants to come out of this shit sooner. Else I will screw my own life. Kuch log hain jo mujhe kehte hain ke college ke 5 saal beet gaye tum ek ladki nahi pata sake. Thoo hai tumhari zindagi pe. Main mazaak mein baat uda deta hoon ke yaar aap bade log ho. Hamaare aise bhaag kahaan. Or afsos to ladkiyaan karein ke college ke 5 saal beet gaye aur who humein nahin pata saki’. Agar thoda sa dimag laga ke dekhein is cheez pe, toh I feel jisne ladki pataayi usne kya ukhada? Ghants of the Babs. Zyada se zyada chumma-chaati kiya hoga. Thok liya hoga. Bas? Is se zyada kya kiya? Maine ladki na pata ke us time ko productively utilize kiya. Padhai ki thodi bahut. Aur aaj yahaan hoon. Am part of EY. And am proud of it. If you feel it’s boating, then may be yes. I like to boast about it. I feel proud when I wear that I-card with that logo of EY. Garv hota ke EY ke logo ke bagal mein meri tasveer hai aur meri photo hai. Am part of this family now. Haan I like to talk about the big things today coz bhenchod BADE ACHHE LAGTE HAIN. Isn’t it? Aaj duniya Sir Sir karke peechhe chalti hai. Mere doston ko haq hai ke woh mera mazaak uda sakein ye keh ke beta aajkal to biscuit ko bhi parleG kehte hain, respect mili to zyada na ud. Par aapko koi haq nahin banta mere ya mere kaam ke bare mein kuch bolne ka kyun ki aap to mujhe dost hi nahin maante. I feel proud that I stay in five-star hotels. That I travel by business class. That I’ve seen 7 cities in 50 days. That I’ve Toyota Innova besides my ass. That I’ve full freedom to take that Innova for a ride of 100kms just for a movie. That I’m offered The Last Drop, one of the costliest whisky in the world. Yes, I’m boasting. I’m boasting because I’ve earned it for myself. Nobody came and gave it to me. I get my ass fucked the whole day to enjoy it in the evening. I haven’t had spoon feeding. I wasn’t allowed to take the shortcut. Whatever I’m, I’m because of me myself. And I’m proud of it. My dad is proud of me and that is something that is most important for me. Who the hell are you? Tumhare jaise aur milenge mujhe. Abhi to mere safar ki shuruwaat hui hai. Aage-aage dekhna, agar aag nahin moot ke dikhaayi maine to mera naam bhi Rahul nahin. Ye mera ghamand nahin, mera vishwas hai. And main hamesha bolta hoon, aadmi ko khud maloom hota ke uska talent kahaan chhupa hai.  Nobody can be Rahul Bhomiya. Aamchya saarkhe aamhich. Tujhya aaicha gaavaat!

Thik hai yaar main gaaliyaan deta hoon. Mujh mein kuch buri aadatein hain. Main bura hoon. Sab gaali dete hain mere ko. Tu bhi de le. Main dil pe nahin leta. Coz dil pe lene ke liye aur bhi bahut si cheezein hain. Achhi. Bahut acchi. Chal khatam karte hain sab kuch. Tu apne raaste, main apne. Shaayad mere naseeb mein is se kuch behtar, aur bhi behtar likha hai. Aur woh mujhe milega. Mil ke rahega. B-)

Is chutiyape ke alawa, Life sahi hai, tension nahi hai… Met RJ today. Man, my eyes were almost teary when I hugged him. Almost two years. He looked fit and fine. Had a heart to heart chat with one of my all time best friend. Boss isko bolte hain dosti, do saal take k dusre ko dekha tak nahin, but dosti ka jazba aaj bhi wohi tha. Wohi garmjoshi thi milne mein. Lots of love to my DOSTANA partner! Err….woh sirf hum ko badnaam kiya hua hai duniya ne. Else we are very much straight! :-P Chalo time to call it off. Bahut lamba likh diya. Waise ye trend banta ja raha hai mere posts ka. Will try to be more regular on my baby blog so that the post size gets shortened up. Hota ye hain ke kayi dino tak likhta hoon nahi aalas ke chakkar mein. Ek din likhne baithta hoon ke bhaavnaao ka katora yahaan khaali kar deta hoon. Kisi ko ho na ho, Kiran bada chidhti thi is aadat se. Mere samne hi kyun khaali hota hai teri bhaavnaao ka katora…. Well she appeared cute that way!!!!!! :-D