Let it be...

let it be,

let it be ab jaane de,

ro liya hai,

ab zara muskuraane de,

itna to haq banta hai mujhe ek chance to de de zindagi,

galtiyon wali list mitaane de,

story mein ek twist to aane de,

itna to haq banta hai mujhe ek chance to de de zindagi,

meri majbooriyon ki hai tujhko qasam,

chhod bhi de ab ye naaraazgi,

apno se kab tak yahaan koi rootha hai,

kya sahi,

kya nahin,

ye sikha de na,

bhoole ko ab raste pe to aane de,

itna to haq banta hai mujhe ek chance to de de zindagi...

fursat ki eeton se,

khushiyon ke chheenton se,

duniya hamaari banaaunga,

main sajaaunga ye waada hai mera,

sapno se sach ki jo duri hai woh tay karunga magar ye safar aadha mera aadha tera,

tu jo meri ore aadha qadam bhi chale,

main to oonchi neechi sadkon pe chal ke saaton samundar ki duri mitaaunga,

roothi hai jab tak main na jaunga,

tere dar pe hi raat bitaaunga,

itna to haq banta hai mujhe ek chance to de de zindagi...

teri raahon mein hoon khada,

toota,

haara,

tanha pada,

maana maine ki bhool hai,

lekin tera dil hai bada,

tere dil ke kisi kone mein hi sahi,

mujhe zara si jagah bhi mil jaaye to,

main usmein hi apni jannat bana lunga,

kaano' ko kheench ke do laga de na,

na-samajh ko zara samjha de na,

itna to haq banta hai mujhe ek chan

Random Musings...

My blog is my baby. I feel like a father to it. I feel elated when I see comments on posts. I feel bad when I don’t find them. But for quite a some time now, I’ve been neglecting my baby. And I feel pretty bad about it. There was a time when I was obsessed with this phenomena of blogging. Keep aside just blogging, I was an internet fanatic. But now when I look back, I feel I was no fanatic. I was pure ‘CHUTIYA’. Pardon my language but yes I was one for sure. Not that I’m no more of that but yes, the context in which I’m using that term is relevant to be elaborated over here. About an year ago, internet for me was a social-networking medium, mail-exchanging platform, blogging adda and max to max a porn hub. At one point of time, my porn collection was as heavy as 17GB. Yes! You read it right. 17 God damn GBs. You might say, either I was a dumbass or I was a CHUTIYA. And I humbly accept that I was/I am both!

At that same time, I was in the rat race ke FB aur Orkut pe sabse lambi friends list kiski hogi. Kaun kudi pataayega online baith ke. Aaj jab peechhe mud ke dekhta hoon to lagta hai ke Boss! Kya chutiyapa kiya karta tha main. Aaj jab dusron ko karte dekhta hoon to hansi bhi aati hai aur bura bhi lagta hai ke log mujhe dekh ke sabak kyun nahin lete? Maine internet-chutiyaape mein apne career ka ek saal barbaad kar diya. Maine apne haathon apne 12^th ke % ki mother-sister united kar di. People had started to write me off. Phir ek waqt aisa aaya ke laga ke bhendi this is not my goal. These things are just distracting me from my real target. Then I took a deep breath and decided to call off all such stupidities of my life. Shuruwaat ke ek do week thoda sa tadpa. Just like how a drug-addict feels when deprived of drug. But then dheere dheere dimag main-stream mein aana shuru hua. Phir ek lamba stroke laga [LUCK BY CHANCE!]. Main apne target ke aur nazdeek aa gaya.

Sach boloon to mujhe nahin samajh mein aa raha kya likhoon. Likhna bahut kuch chahta hoon. Kehna bahut kuch hai. Bahut si cheezein hain mere aas-paas jis se ghira hua hoon. Kayi aisi baatein jo main kehna to chahta hoon par shaayad nahin kehni chahiye. Kuch aisi baatein hain jinhein main na hi kahoon to behtar. Kyun ki ek cheez hai. Mere kehne na kehne se kisi ko koi fark to padta hai nahin. Kahoon to bhi free-fund ki gaali khaata hoon. Na kahoon to baat hi aur. One major thing that striked me to write this random post is that I wanted to pen down something on MONEY. There have been two instances since past one week that have pushed me to write it. First incident happened last Monday. Monday ko flight mein baitha tha to ek lady apne paas rakha 10 rupaye ka ek note sabhi co-passengers ko dikha rahi thi. The speciality about that note was, uske upar printed digits us lady ka birth date tha. And she was saying that she is going to preserve this note till her last breath. I was taken aback! I’ll get back to the reason in the coming lines.

Second incident happened today. My badi dadi [my dad’s tai ji] passed away this Wednesday and so I back from Ahmedabad. She was 76 and was suffering from illness for past some time. I’m happy that she got rid of that grotesquely disgusting pain. May Almighty let her soul RIP. Nevertheless, I’ll miss her a lot. I simply loved the ‘Dal Wada’ that she used to prepare on Holi and Diwali. Unke funeral mein shareek hone ke liye mera ek cousin UP se aaya hua tha. Aaj us se aise hi shart lagi ke zyada kaun kha sakta hai. Obviously am a big time foodie. And it shows on my body too! And rahe-sahe mein main ek UP wale se haar jaaun. No ways! Aamchi Mumbai and Mi Marathi Manoos! Jai Maharashtra. Shaayad hi aaj UNR mein bikne wala koi aisa fastfood hoga jo hum dono ne nahin khaaya. You name it and we had it. Kal subah mera system mujhe gaali dega ye baat pakki hai !! Jokes apart, baat thi paise ki. 1100 rupaye maine khaane mein uda diye woh bhi  shart mein.

My mom always scolds me for being an irresponsible buyer. I never bargain. I pay whatever is asked for. I can’t check for the quality of goods that I’m buying and blah blah blah. Iske peechhe meri ek simple si theory hai. Main manta hoon ke main imaandaar hoon. Jitne paise agle bande ne maange utne maine usko diye. Ab mera assumption ye hota hai ke saamne wala bhi mere jitney imaandaar behave karega aur mujhe correct quantity aur sahi quality ki cheezein dega. But as my fuck luck would have it. More often than not, I end up being made a fool by the sellers. And being a lazy dumbo, I don’t even return back to that seller for complaining either. Instead, I prefer trying a new seller the next time. And maa zyada bolti hai to bol deta hoon, mere se to aisa hi laaya jaata hai, itna hi hai to tu khud hi le aaiyo agli baar, meko mat boliyo! She gets pissed off! I don’t mind that. She looks cute that way. ;-)

So the point was, there was a time jab papa bolte thay ke tujhe jo bhi chahiye tu mujhe bol de, main le aaunga. Whatever my need used to be, main unko bol deta tha aur who poori ho jaati thi. Phir main 8^th mein pahuncha. I gave up rickshaw service upto  school. I started to travel upto the school on my bicycle alongwith my other mates Puneet, Roshan and Avinash. Tab mujhe roz ke 10 rupaye as a pocket-money milna shuru hua. Tab aisa lagta tha ke maa ki aankh! Ye 10 rupaye ko kaise kharch karein. It was too huge of an amount for me. Phir 9^th mein 10 se 20 hua. 10^th mein 20 se seedha 50 hua. Tab tak bhi 50 rupaye bahut badi cheez hoti thi. Zyada se zyada PS jaata tha friends ke saath weekends pe tab kharcha hota tha. Wada-pav was the best thing I ever knew. Phir main college pahuncha. 11^th aur 12^th mein roz ki kharchi 100 rupaye ho gayi. Humko bhi college ki hawa lagi. Bunk maar ke movies dekhne lage. Kuch gande shaukh paal liye sangat ke chalte. Internet ka chaska laga. Bunk maar ke cyber mein baitha rehta tha. Then I slowly started to feel the money crunch. Ek waqt aisa bhi aaya jab 5-5 km paidal chala Kunal ke saath. Mere ye mahine ki koi expense reimbursement claim sheet utha ke dekhe, to usmein 4000 rupaye ka meru aur tab cab ka kharcha hai. MAA KI AANKH seriously! Can you believe that?

Pichhle ek mahine mein almost 20K hazaar mere haath se yahaan se wahaan ho gaye! I started from mere 300 bucks a month and have reached this level. Papa bataate hain that his first par cheque was for Rs. 536/-. Ek waqt mujhe 10 rupaye dekh ke aisa lagta tha ke main isko kaise kharch karunga. Aaj ki date mein, jeb mein laal wale bapu rehte hain to bhi ghar se nikalte hue darr lagta hai ke kaise manage hoga. How can you avoid expenses? They are everywhere. Mahine ke pehle 10-15 main nawaab ki tarah rehta hoon. Ant-shantt kharcha chalta hai. Karne wala bhi aur nahin karne wala bhi. College mein 3 rupaye ki Gold Flake light peeya karta tha. Aaj imported davidsoff maarte hain style ke liye. Kitna kuch badal gaya hai. Main khud kitna badal gaya hoon. When I was in school, I wasn’t apprehensive about anything. I was never ever concerned about log kya sochenge. Ab apni soch se pehle dusre kya sochenge ye zyada zaruri hone laga hai mere liye. I need to cut down heavily on that front. I need to respect my individuality. I need to respect the fact that I’m special. Atleast for myself, if not for this chutiya world. Sorry but offlate mujhe is’chutiya’  word se pyaar ho gaya hai. Mere hisaab se sabse cute gaali hi ye hai. Aap kisi ko pyaar se bhi chutiya bol sakte ho aur gusse se bhi. Meri zaruratein sabse alag hain. Chutiya main bhi hoon par main baaki sabhi chutiyon se alag hoon. Ye samjhaana hai ek bandi ko. Par woh maanti nahin. Khaer. Maane to thik. Na maane to apni radha ko yaad kare! Meri balaa se!

Dekha, kaha tha na maine. There are lots of musings, so many thoughts cooking up in my head. And I want to pen it down. But there is no linkage between all this.All the thoughts are scattered here and there. And text itna zyada hai ke likhte likhte main thak jaunga aur padhte padhte aap log. Chalo yaar, ab bore ho raha hai type karne ke liye. Just give me a ring if you are free some day. Kisi se baat karne ka mann kar raha hai. Am fed up of this loneliness around myself. Kisi se bhi. Just give me a ring. Leave me a message. Log khushi baant-te hain. Hum baith kar gham galat karenge.

Btw, happened to watch Jannat2 today. Must say, it was a maha-chutiya film. Expected much more from Kunal Deshmukh after averagely b’ful movie like Jannat. Even Emran disappointed big time. After TDP I used to feel like isne bhi acting seekh li. But he proved that he was a chutiya, he is a chutiya and he will be a chutiya forever. Woh to Milan Luthria karwa gaya acting nahi to aukaat nahin uski hero banne ki. Pritam’s music was a disaster. Esha Gupta ne ek cheez prove kar di ke koi bhi ladki jo kapde utaarne ko taiyaar hai, woh Mahesh Bhatt camp ki heroine ban sakti hai !!

Maa kasam! Agar Emran Hashmi, Himesh Reshammiya, Emran Khan, Jacky Bhagnani aur Harman Baweja hero ban sakte hain to am quite better off. I just need to shed few kilos and need to hit that gym iron to be an actor. Seriously. I can be a better actor than all these chutiyas combined together. My dear Babu Gujjar can attest this! Waise CA aur actor ke alawa, Vicky Donor ne bhi ek sunehre career profession ki raah khol di hai !! will definitely think upon that. No investment, only income! Signing off on that naughty note! Love to all. Power to all. May God bless you all. \m/

Movies Movies Movies....Filmi Chakkar!

I'm feeling too vella today after a long sob session ainvayi ka. So to kill the time, let me note down and present to you the list of movie DVDs that I've collected and seen since January 2011 till date. Here we go-

The Blue Umbrella

Mammo

Ijaazat

Khelein Hum Jee Jaan Sey

Satyakaam

Bazaar

Mausam [Gulzar]

Yeh Saali Zindagi

Dasvidaniya

Kaagaz Ke Phool

Chaudhvin Ka Chaand

Shakti [old]

Bandit Queen

Hazaaron Khwahishein Aisi

Mirch Masala

Mr. & Mrs. Iyer

Water

Hyderabad Blues

Umrao Jaan [Old]

Kalyug [old]

Chashm-e-buddoor

Jaane Bhi Do Yaaro

Guide

Hare Rama Hare Krishna

Parinda

Pinjar

Yahaan

Arth

Saaz

Arohan

Sardari Begum

Maine Gandhi Ko Nahi Mara

Main Aazad Hoon

Matrubhoomi

Mirza Ghalib [film]

Mirza Ghalib [TV Serial]

Antardwand

Black Friday

Ek Doctor Ki Maut

Albert Pinto Ko Gussa Kyon Aata Hai?

Pyaasa [old]

Sahib, Biwi Aur Ghulam

3 Deewarein

Maachis

Nishabd

RGV Ki Aag

Baqra Qiston Pey [TV Serial]

Masoom

Mere Apne

I Am Kalam

Kitaab

Achanak

Maqbool

Do Dooni Chaar

Shatranj Ke Khilari

Stanley Ka Dabba

Salim Langde Pe Mat Ro

Ek Ruka Hua Faisla

Paar

Hu Tu Tu

Zakhm

Tamanna

Anand [old]

Koshish

Salaam Bombay

Aandhi

Agneepath [old]

Aks

Omkara

Bombay Boyz

Allah Kay Banday

Force

Haqeeqat

Mother India

Chalti Ka Naam Gaadi

Half Ticket

Jhumroo

Rang Birangi

Aarakshan

Hum Dono

Prem Pujari

Pyaar Ka Punchnama

New York

Badmaash Company

Woh Lamhe

Raajneeti

Mughal-e-Azam

Andaz Apna Apna

Dum Maaro Dum

3 Thay Bhai

Khichdi The Movie

Jaan-e-mann

Dil Hai Ke Maanta Nahin

Dev

Chalo let me also find and put forward the list of the movies that I've seen in cinema-halls since January 2011. Here we go again. Interested ones keep reading. Fucktards should leave immediately-

Yamla Pagla Deewana

7 Khoom Maaf

Tanu Weds Manu

Shor In The City

Chalo Dilli

Shaitan

Bheja Fry2

Bol

Bhindi Bazaar Inc.

Bbuddah Hoga Terra Baap

Delhi Belly

Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara

Singham

Chala Musaddi Office Office

Not A Love Story

Bodyguard

That Girl In Yellow Boots

Mere Brother Ki  Dulhan

Mausam

Saheb Biwi Aur Gangster

Ra.one

Desi Boyz

Rockstar

The Dirty Picture

Ladies v/s Rocky Bahl

Pappu Can't Dance Saala

Don2

Agneepath

Gali Gali Chor Hai

Ek Deewana Tha

Paan Singh Tomar

Agent Vinod

Housefull 2

Vicky Donor

This is what happens when you're a movie loving vella and you've company and support of your father. But on a bit serious note, I've spent more than 15K bucks on this fuckery. That's actually an OMG figure! Kuch karna padega. :-|

Self-analysis

I’ve been closely observing my own life for past few days now. I’ve started keeping a trail of what I’m doing. I’ve started to tap my own movements. What I’ve realised out of this observation is that I’m becoming an oxymoron with each passing day. I’ve once again started to let people take myself for granted. There was a lean phase somewhere around May 2010 where I suffered from an emotional breakdown. I’m feeling as if I’m going back into the time. I’ve started creating a mess for myself all over again. The lesson that I had felt at that time, I’m ignoring it. I’m repeating the same old mistakes. I’ve started to allow somebody else to be my ‘Khuda’. I’ve started to share all the nitty-gritty things with somebody which I know I shouldn’t because I’ve had a sour experience with that person in the past. With me the problem is, I trust people easily. I’ve been and I guess I’m again wrong at selecting/judging people.

One thing that I’ve realised time and again is that in this whole bloody world, nobody is going to be with you permanently, not even your own parents, so forget friends. And as far as I’m concerned, it wouldn’t be wrong if I say that till date I haven’t made a single friend [going by the definition of this word as defined by KC]. You’ve got to find your own path, you’ve got to walk on it, all alone and all at your own. Nobody is going to guide you forever. People might be there to advice you, but as they say, India is a country where one can find ‘advisors’ in abundance. Well there are quite a many things that I’ve realised in the past two weeks or so. One major thing is, we must realise who is our forced/farce/pseudo enemy and who is our real enemy with the mask of a friend. So henceforth going ahead certain people should not be surprised to see a change in my behaviour pattern. It isn't going to be a sea-change but yes, change is on the cards. There are certain people I can’t leave because I really love them. But then, there are certain people with whom I ‘must’ distance myself if I’ve to realise that ‘one big dream’. They say that in order to fly high and in order to rise above your peers, you must be selfish. So far I’ve led my life selflessly. But I promise of one thing, from now on, I won’t remain selfless. I’ll become selfish. I’ve certain dreams which I’ll fulfil at any damn cost. And I’ll have no qualm in quoting that yes I’m a selfish fellow. Why should I even have any qualm? Was there anybody by my side when I needed a shoulder to cry upon? No, there wasn’t anyone.

Coming to a topic which is quite "complicated". Probably, controversial as well. There is this one friend of mine who believes that I'm the sole reason behind her sufferings. She believes that I’m still an asshole. Don’t how do I make her realise the fact that I ‘was’ an asshole. I ‘was’ a dumbass. But offlate, I’ve started to change myself for good. I know I was a spineless coward who had no sensitivity towards people and relationships. I want to tell her that I’ve started to learn out of my own mistakes. There are certain people who learn from the mistake commited by others. And then there are certain adventure loving creatures like me who believes in trying the same old mistakes at their own so that they can arrive at more sophisticated and personal learnings! Joke apart, buddy, I’ll give you my patience, my time and my everything that may heal the wounds of past. I told you that your belief is the only thing that matters to me. And if you think I was the source of all your sufferings, I must try and change it because I know that I wasn't the reason of your pain. Believe me, ya devi sarva bhuteshu shakti rupen maa samasthita namas tasye namas tasye! Saashtaang dandvat pranaam hai aapko. Arey I wasn’t even at fault. You may not need me, but I need genuine people like you around me. Trust me for hell's sake. :-| Well, let it be. I should not get into this all over again, at-least at this point of time. Hopefully, everything will be fine and things will be sorted out.

Another major thing that I’ve realised is that, with each passing day, I’m becoming addicted to certain things. And these certain things are quite fucking and blood sucking things. I've started to doubt my own capabilities and my own capacity. I know I can do well. Certainly. But don't know for which bloody reason I'm not ready to try anything new, anything challenging. Fire Brigade has his own reason to do well. I think I've none. What I wanted to prove, I've already proved to that [or those, for that matter] bastard. If I'm going to remember Mr. L and his gang for whole of my life, the very same Mr. L is going to remember me for whole of his life too! A tit for tat! A morale victory! I've learnt a lot from him. I just want him to learn a simple thing that 'boss, har kisi ka apna apna sapna hota hai, apni apni khwahish hoti hai, apne apne falsafe hote hain life ke, uske beech mein mat aana kabhi, bahut baddua lagti hai, baaqi to aap mere se zyaada samajhdaar ho'. Saale halkatt-pan pe utar gaye woh log end mein! Jaat dikha di apni ! Aish karo. Maaf kiya tum sab ko. Mujhe jo chahiye tha woh to maine le liya. Ab tum apni radha ko yaad karo. Period. ;-) B-)

How badly I wish if I had a better command over Urdu and English language. English is what is slowly becoming a necessity. It's the language of profession I'm getting into. It's the global language now. And for Urdu, I want to learn it for personal reasons. I love misras, nazms, shairs and poetry. And my all time fav is none other than Gulzar saahab. Gulzar saahab says, 'badi aristocracy had is urdu zubaan mein, muflisi mein bhi nawaabi ka mazaa deti hai !'. Seriously, I want to sharpen my command over these two languages. Also, these days I find myself listening to ghazals all day long. Yeah! I'm on exam preparatory leave but I'm not preparing anything! Worst part of a student's life. CA student's life for that matter. CA students ke saath ek problem hoti hai. If they happen to reach the CA finals before TY, they start to believe that they are the tigers. And this attitude is the sole reason that even after being thousand times more intelligent than normal B.com student, they don't fare too well in their graduation. Atleast this is the case with me, sadly though.
Another reason for being sad is that my Jammy has retired completely from cricket. :-( A great cricketer, a humble human being, a gentleman, a true spirited team guy, etc etc. Well, the words seem to fall short in his praise. Perhaps, the best test batsman of the era that I've witnessed. Rahul Bhomiya will miss Rahul Dravid. Rather, we all will miss you Mr. Wall. May you keep busy and healthy even in your post-retirement life. All the very best for future. :-)
Chalo aaj ke liye yaaron bahut hui bakchodi. Na kisi ka rona-dhona, na koi siyaappa, har kisi ko taada, har kisi ko naapa, chhichhoristaan ke, hum chaudhary hain, life sahi hai, tension nahin hai ! ;-) Ye thi khabrein aaj tak, intezaar kijiye....pata nahin kab tak! :-P Seriously blogging is losing that good old charm for me. Lots of love to my sona and my well-wishers [in case there are any!]. Tk cr.

I'm no more ME...

Disclaimer: This post may not make a single sense to everyone and it may get too long. Rather it may not make any sense to anyone. Nobody knows what I’m going through right now. Dear Fire Brigade, you too are unaware of the latest happening in my life. So you too may not find any sense here. So read it at your own risk…

Thak gaya hoon main. Duniya se ladta ladta thak gaya hoon. Ye to maine pehle bhi kahaa tha. Par tab angrezi mein tha. Abhi maatrubhaasha mein bol raha hoon. Bhavnao ko samjho. Apne aap ke liye maine khud Agneepath bana liya hai. Chal to pada hoon is path par lekin pata nahin kahaan jaane wala hoon. Kuch samajh nahin raha main kya karoon. Khud ko Abhimanyu mehsoos karne lag gaya hoon jo ek chakravyuh mein phans gaya hai. Aur mujhe ye bhi nahin pata ke is se baahar aane ka raasta kya hai. Maine jo maanga tha jo chaaha tha woh galat ho sakta hai par bura bilkul bhi nahin tha. It can be termed as wrong, but it isn’t unethical. Maine kya maanga tha us se? Kisiki rihaai. Main yahaan par reh kar sirf uska akele ka bhalaa karunga. Kaam uska hoga. Naam uska hoga. Daam usko milega. Mujhe kya milega? Baba ji ka Ghanta! In sab mein sirf ek aadmi ki tarakki hogi- uski. Where the hell is my self-growth bhenchod?

Kabhi kabhi lagta hai sab kuchh chhod kar chalaa jaaoon kahin par. Kya hoga zyada se zyada? Court mein khinch lega. Par usne bhi to galat kiya. Kisi se uska samvidhaanik adhikaar chheen lena kya sahi hai? Mujhe kya haq nahin banta ke main bhi woh karoon jo main karna chahta hoon. Don’t I have any right to live my life with dignity? Don’t I have dreams? Well, as KC says, the word professional is the extension of the word ‘prostitute’. Peshewar to veshya bhi hoti hai. Par ek veshya to raat bhar bistar garm karne ke baad apne graahak ko chhod deti hai. Ye peshewar to veshya se bhi gaya beeta nikla. Shaayad main buri tarah phans chuka hoon. Ek roshni ka suraag, ek ummeed ki kiran nahin dikhaayi de rahi in sab ke beech. Aisa lagta hai logon ne apne haath chadha diye hain mere haathon par. Jahaan main khada hoon uske aas-paas bahut shor hai. Us shor mein meri aawaz dabti ja rahi hai. Ek duldul hain jismein mera khudka astitva dhansta ja raha hai. Mujhe nahin pata main kya karne wala hoon. Haal filhaal ke liye to maine apne aap ko Draupadi ki tarah Krishna ke havaale saunp diya hai. Maine bhi haath utha kar ‘Krishnam Sharnam’ keh diya hai. Agar woh mere naseeb mein likhi hai to koi maa ka laadla mujhe us se juda nahin kar sakta. Aur agar nahin likhi hai to koi maa ka laadla mujhe us se nahin mila sakta.

Main SRK ka bahut bada prashansak hoon. Uski film OSO ka ek sanvaad hai jo mujhe gehre tak asar karta hai aaj bhi. ‘Kehte hain agar kisi cheez ko poore dil se chaaho to poori qaaynaat tumhe us se milaane ki koshish mein lag jaati hai…’ par lagta hai shaayad maine usey poore dil se nahin chaaha. Kahin na kahin par kuch kor kasar baaqi reh gayi thi jo aaj ye daur dekhna pad raha hai. Isey dusre nazariye se dekhoon to shaayad ye mera imtihaan hai. Shaayad koi ye dekhna chaahta hai ke mere andar kitni kaabiliyat hai. Kitni kshamta hai dard sehne ki. Tab kahin ja kar sochta hoon main agar yahaan se peechhe hatt gaya to ismein nuksaan sirf aur sirf mera hoga. Jis ‘moral victory’ ki main baat karta hoon zaroori nahin hai mujhe mil hi jaayegi. Phir dusra khayaal aata hai behron ko sunaane ke liye dhamaake ki zarurat hai. Jis cheez se main lad raha hoon ya yun kahoon ke ladne ki koshish kar raha hoon, woh koi ek vyakti nahin hai. Main ek soch se lad raha hoon. Vyakti ko maarna zaroori nahin hai, zaroori hai uski soch ko maarna. Saam-daam-dund-bhed ka tareeka kitna kaargaar hota hai dekhte hain. Kayi baar mann karta hai sab chhod dete hain aur zindagi dobaara se shuru karte hain. Phir wohi mann kehta hai is muqaam par aa kar chhodega to log hansega. Kahenge kamzor tha saala haar maan gaya. Main kamzor nahin hoon. Agar main apna aatm-sammaan bhula ke kisi ke saamne haath phaila sakta hoon to log usey meri kamzori na samjhein. Zarurat ke waqt to gadhe ko bhi baap banaana padta hai. Thik hai is waqt tu mera baap hi sahi. Par itna yaad rakhna, mauka sabko milta hai. Every dog has it’s own day. Aaj tera waqt hai, maar le. Kal, mera hoga. Tab main aisi maar maarunga ke jab jab baithega, yaad karega. Aaye honge teri zindagi mein bahut se log, par mere jaisa koi nahin aaya hoga. Maa kasam tere naam ka agar kutta nahin paala to mera naam badal dena. Kya to agle chaar din mein ye mujhe mera haq de dega, nahin to main isko phir dikhaaunga ke peshewaraana mein aisa bhi ho sakta hai. Bahut contract contract aur policy policy karta hai na, saari policy iske pichhwaade mein ghus jayegi.

Due to foul mood, I’ve been listening to odd senti filmi songs. Two songs that stands out are-
1. Jab dard nahin tha seene mein [Kishore Da, Pancham, Bakshi Saahab]
2. Main shaayar badnaam [Kishore Da, Pancham, Bakshi Saahab]
And the third one which helps me spit out my frustration in-front of that man-
3. Saadda haq [Mohit chauhan, ARR, Irshad Kamil]
Man! Whattay lyrics! Check it out-

1. Rasta rok rahi hai, thodi jaan hai baaqi, jaane toote dil mein, kya armaan hai baaqi, jaane bhi de ae dil…sabko mera salaam…main chalaa….

2. Sholon pe chalna tha, kaanton pe sona tha, aur abhi jee bhar ke, qismat pe rona tha, jaane aise kitne, baaqi chhod ke kaam, main chalaa….

3. Aise to thes na lagti thi, jab apne rootha karte thay, itna to dard na hota tha, jab sapne toota karte thay…

4. Marzi se jeene ki bhi kya main tum sabko arzi doon?

5. Matlab ke tum sabka mujhpe, mujhse bhi zyada haq hai?

6. Besaleeka main, is gali ka main, na jismein hayaa, na jismein sharam, mann ke rasme - jeene ka harjaana, tumhe aaj bataana, mann bole mann bole, mann se jeena ya mar jaana hai….arey kyun kaate mujhe, kyun baante mujhe, is tarah….kyun sach ka sabak sikhaaye, jab sach sun bhi na paaye, sach koi bole to tu, niyam kaanoon bataaye, tera darr, tera pyaar, teri wah…tu hi rakh….rakh saala!

7. O eco-friendly, nature ke rakshak, main bhi hoon nature… (puppy face).

8. Nazar mein rehti ho jab tum nazar nahin aati, ye lub bulaate hain jab tum idhar nahin aati… [Gulzar Saahab]
Phir kisi ka chehra yaad aa jaata hai. Do chehre rehte hain aankhon ke saamne aajkal. Ek apna khudka aur ek uska. Sirf do insaan. Do chehre. Do naam. Apna chehra yaad aata hai to khayaal aata hai ke agar is waqt main jhuk gaya to zindagi bhar jhukna padega is haraamkhor ke aage. Phir uska khayaal aata hai ke boss mujhe yahaan tak pahunchaane mein uska sabse bada haath hai. Kya uske contribution ko bhula kar main selfish ban jaaoon? Woh to aaj bhi mere saath hai. Zindagi ki aakhro paari usne mere bharose chhod rakhi hai. I’m his only hope. Zehar ka ghoont samajhkar pee jaata hoon is incident ko. Ek sabak le leta hoon. A lesson, learnt the hard way. He is leaving no stone unturned to make sure that my ego does not gets hurt. But in case nothing turns out my way, what do I do? Should I think of myself? Should I become selfish? And btw, the crux lies in the fact that, main jiske liye lad raha hoon duniya se, usne pehli baari mein mujhe dhokha diya tha! Aur jis se lad raha hoon, usne us waqt mujeh sahara diya tha! Would it be feasible to believe her now and get into a fight with the larger world? Kuch samajh nahin aa raha maa ki aankh iski. Dimag sunn pad gaya hai. 3rd floor pe to kuch nahin ho pa raha, 5th floor is the last option I guess. AKA is the last resort. Agar unka turup ka ikka bhi nahin chala to phir mujhe koi nahin bacha sakta! Dear paa, help me….nahin marwaani iske saath zindagi bhar. Gehne thode hi girwi rakhwaaye hain, keda aede naal byaah hoya ne mera? 

Maut ka kya hai, sirf ek dafe maaregi, ke main to bas zindagi se darta hoon!

Today I can...

I woke up early today, excited over all I get to do before the clock strikes midnight. I have responsibilities to fulfill today. I am important. My job is to choose what kind of day I am going to have.

Today I can complain because the weather is rainy or I can be thankful that the grass is getting watered for free.

Today I can feel sad that I don't have more money or I can be glad that my finances encourage me to plan my purchases wisely and guide me away from waste.

Today I can grumble about my health or I can rejoice that I am alive.

Today I can lament over all that my parents didn't give me when I was growing up or I can feel grateful that they allowed me to be born.

Today I can cry because roses have thorns or I can celebrate that thorns have roses.

Today I can mourn my lack of friends or I can excitedly embark upon a quest to discover new relationships.

Today I can whine because I have to go to work or I can shout for joy because I have a job to do.

Today I can complain because I have to go to school or eagerly open my mind and fill it with rich new tidbits of knowledge.

Today I can murmur dejectedly because I have to do housework or I can feel honored because the Lord has provided shelter for my mind, body and soul.

Today stretches ahead of me, waiting to be shaped. And here I am, the sculptor who gets to do the shaping.

What today will be like is up to me. I get to choose what kind of day I will have!

Have a GREAT DAY! Unless you have other plans.
By Anonymous

Source- http://tinyurl.com/6lzjyqh

A Poem By Kumar Biswas

I used to feel that Gulzar saahab is the best poet ever born. and I'm still firm on my belief. But, offlate I've started to read Mr. Kumar Biswas Ji's poetry too. It was KC's suggestion to me. And in no way I feel disappointed. Of what I've been able to read of his work, I'm presenting one poem here in this post. The reason I chose this one is that it's a multi-faceted multi-dimensional poem. It deals with various aspects that we observe around ourselves but we generally tend to ignore them. Here have a look-

sab faisle hote nahin sikke uchhaal ke,
ye dil ke maamle hain zaraa dekh bhaal ke,
mobile-internet ke daur ke aashiq ko kya pataa,
rakhte thay khat mein kaleja nikaal ke.

murda lohe se bhi auzaar banaane waale,
apne aansuon ko bhi hathiyaar banaane waale,
humko bekaar samajhte hain siyaasadna magar,
hum hain is mulq ki sarkaar banaane waale.

jo waqt ki aandhi se khabardaar nahin hai,
kuch aur hi hoga woh - woh kalaakaar nahin hai,
sadaa ye hai ki neendein chheen li dono ki aankhon se,
khataa ye thi ki dono ne milkar khwaab dekha tha.

pyaar jab jism ki cheekhon mein dafan ho jaaye,
odhni is tarah uljhe ki kafan ho jaaye,
ghar ke ehsaas jab baazaar ki sharton mein dhale,
ajnabi log jab humraah ban ke saath chale,
lubon se aasmaan tak sabki dua chubh jaaye,
bheed ka shor jab kaano' ke paas ruk jaaye,
nami ho laakh magar phir bhi muskuraayenge,
andhere waqt mein bhi geet gaayenge.

log kehte rahein is raat ki subah hi nahin,
keh do unse, unhe suraj ki roshni ka tajurba hi nahin,
wo ladaai ko bhale aar paar le jaayein,
loha le jaayein woh lohe ki dhaar le jaayein,
jiski chaukhat se taraazu tak ho unpar girvi,
us adaalat mein humein baar baar le jaayein,
hum agar gunguna bhi denge to woh sab ke sab-
humko kaagaz se haraa kar bhi haar jaayenge,
andhere waqt mein bhi geet gaaye jaayenge.