I write only on two occasions.
1] When I'm too high.
2] When I'm too low.
The reason for today's post is the latter one. I happened to lose my chacha-dada today [my actual gransfather's younger sibling]. My paternal side is in a way a joint-family. We all have our seperate houses but they are located at a distance of less than 5 kilometers from each other. So we can get to each other just with a sound of whistle! We always celebrate festivals together. The one who died last night was one of the most jovial person I've ever experienced in my physical existence of 19 odd years. I remember no other man alive had more jokes on farting as him!
I don't know how do I tag the last 9 months that have gone by. It had it's share of highs. Me clearing my CA-IPCC is one of the best memory it has. Similarly, it had it's own share of lows too. My mom isn't keeping too well with her back-pain these days. But the major one includes lose of three of my elders. My grandfather had two brothers. Now he is all alone. The wife of his eldest sibling too passed away this Jan.
I can see any damn thing on this mother earth, but not tears in my grandfather's eyes at the age of 76. I controlled my emotions to the max I could. But I finally broke down into tears when I saw him crying. He is the one who always scolded my parents when they slapped me when I was a kid as I used to cry a lot. Today, he cried like a baby. How aptly they say that people above 60 and below 6 are quite same. It was so difficult to console him. And it was valid too. One can't control emotions at the death of one's dear/near one. He is 76 but is going strong even now. And I pray that he continues this way, FOREVER. I know I'm wishing for a kind of 'anhoni' but we humans develop such strong bonds that our spines get chilled at the very thought of losing him/her.
It was my second time at somebody's funeral. The first time was on 19th April. It was my taayaa-dada's funeral then. Don't know why but people gets involved in their very own conversation, as if they have gathered for some ordinary social-meet and not someone's funeral. This is my particular experience. Family members cry in hue but such people laugh from quite a visible distance. They're sick, I feel. There are some people who seems to have taken a specialised degree as to how the things should go at such instances. They know all the things right from getting the prior approval from the grave-yard, getting the requirements for arthi upto the finals. The sight of dead-body gets me crazy. It feels like he will get up now and will ask everyone that why were they crying. But again, impossible wish [thinking would sound more appropriate here]. All those final rites and then the walk upto 'shamshaan', putting the woods over the dead body, putting lots of panch-tatva and finally the holy pyre in the end. It was so quick! And within few minutes he turned into a debri of ashes. Everyone returned home. The guests went to theirs. We came to ours. Mom took us in by sprinkling the Ganga-Jal on us with a gold ornament in her fist.
Aah! finally we had bath. We were hungry like some famine-affected. I know the readers will tag me as a 'chutiya' reading to this piece but the fact is no matter how shattered you are after such incident, at one point everything seems to be a big 'zero'. You feel like there is nothing left. The 'shamshaam' is such a calm place I tell you. It's gets so irritating when phones ring [one of the not so gentleman typed there used some china cell and had 'munni badnaam hui' as his caller-tune]. Felt like kicking the ass of such guy.
I'm feeling like three pillars of my building are shaken. Don't know how would this void get refilled. Probably it will never. Here is a summed up version of the entire experience. Read it if you want-
बज़्म-ए-मातम की गहमा-गहमी थी
एक जोश-ओ खरोश था हरसू
" 'उस' को भी तो कोई खबर कर दो "
" 'उस फलां' को खबर करी की नहीं "
शहर के फ़ोन जुड़ते जाते थे
एक कोलाज बन रहा था कहीं
एक साहब ने रोते-रोते कहा
" चेहरा देखो तो सो रहे हैं अभी
'भाई' कह दो जाग जायेंगे "
कुछ जियादा ही मोतबिर से लोग
जिम्मेवारी से बात करते हैं :
" लाश कितने बजे उठाएंगे ? "
" थोड़ी बासी दही मांगा लेना "
" आखिरी दीद कर लें अब, कह दो "
" देख लो अंतिम दर्शन को-
कुछ और आने वाले हैं शायद "
कोई गाडी रुकी है फिर आके
सारे चेहरे पलट गए हैं उधर
दूर से ऊँचे हो गेहैं विलाप
एक-दो लोग थामने के लिए
बढ़ गए हैं सभी से कुछ आगे
और इस मौके के रटे जुमले
" सबको एक दिन तो जाना ही है "
" आई को कौन टाल सकता है "
" सब्र-सब्र धीर धरो "
रोने वाले एक ने रोक कर रोना
सुबकियाँ लेते-लेते फिर पूछा :
" कब हुआ ? -कैसे ? -किस तरह ये हुआ ... ?
कल तो ठीक थे लगते थे ...
पिछले मंगल तो मिले थे मुझसे
हंसकर कहने लगे ...
' अब के भी न घर आये तो ...
मुंह नहीं देखूंगा फिर कभी '
फूटकर फिर से रो पडा कोई
" सब्र-सब्र धीर धरो "
रोयें भी तो कहाँ तलक रोयें
भूख से पेट गुदगुदाने लगे
बासी होने लगा है अब माहौल
अब उठाओ भी, ले चलो इनको
गहमा-गहमी थी खूब मरघट में
कौन है, किसकी लाश आई है
कुछ अहम लोग भी दिखाई पड़ते हैं
" रास्ते में खबर मिली मुझको
मैं तो सीधा यहीं चला आया "
" आपका केस था न कचेहरी में ? "
" अब क्या करें 'इस' वजह से फिर से तारीख पड़ जाएगी "
" मैं तो बस दांग रह गया sunke
सेहत अच्छी थी आज भी टच-वूड "
घी से नहलाओ लाश को
पञ्च-तत्त्व खिलाओ लाश को
गुलाल छिडको
फूल माला पहनाओ
कपूर और सूखे नारीयल का एक महीन सा बिस्तर बनाओ नीचे
" और लकड़ी उठाके लाश पर रख दी "
लौट आये जलाने वाले सभी
फिर नहाए उठाने वाले सभी
" लेना-देना चूका गया " बोले
हाथ मलके ज़मानेवाले सभी
राख जब ठंडी होगी कल परसों तलक
"फूल चुगने" जायेंगे दोनों बेटे उनके
मिटटी के कलश में भरके ढेर-का-ढेर
लगायेंगे उसपर ऊपर लाल कपड़ा
नासिक में बहाने के लिए
कुछ रुपये और दे के पंडों को वहाँ पर
एक लम्बी सी लेंगे सभी
" मिट्टी में मिल गयी मिट्टी "
आज जब कैलेंडर में सुबह हुई
" 'वे' कहीं नहीं थे
'वे' जो कल तलक 'हैं' थे
आज 'थे' हो चुके थे "
