I'm no more ME...

Disclaimer: This post may not make a single sense to everyone and it may get too long. Rather it may not make any sense to anyone. Nobody knows what I’m going through right now. Dear Fire Brigade, you too are unaware of the latest happening in my life. So you too may not find any sense here. So read it at your own risk…

Thak gaya hoon main. Duniya se ladta ladta thak gaya hoon. Ye to maine pehle bhi kahaa tha. Par tab angrezi mein tha. Abhi maatrubhaasha mein bol raha hoon. Bhavnao ko samjho. Apne aap ke liye maine khud Agneepath bana liya hai. Chal to pada hoon is path par lekin pata nahin kahaan jaane wala hoon. Kuch samajh nahin raha main kya karoon. Khud ko Abhimanyu mehsoos karne lag gaya hoon jo ek chakravyuh mein phans gaya hai. Aur mujhe ye bhi nahin pata ke is se baahar aane ka raasta kya hai. Maine jo maanga tha jo chaaha tha woh galat ho sakta hai par bura bilkul bhi nahin tha. It can be termed as wrong, but it isn’t unethical. Maine kya maanga tha us se? Kisiki rihaai. Main yahaan par reh kar sirf uska akele ka bhalaa karunga. Kaam uska hoga. Naam uska hoga. Daam usko milega. Mujhe kya milega? Baba ji ka Ghanta! In sab mein sirf ek aadmi ki tarakki hogi- uski. Where the hell is my self-growth bhenchod?

Kabhi kabhi lagta hai sab kuchh chhod kar chalaa jaaoon kahin par. Kya hoga zyada se zyada? Court mein khinch lega. Par usne bhi to galat kiya. Kisi se uska samvidhaanik adhikaar chheen lena kya sahi hai? Mujhe kya haq nahin banta ke main bhi woh karoon jo main karna chahta hoon. Don’t I have any right to live my life with dignity? Don’t I have dreams? Well, as KC says, the word professional is the extension of the word ‘prostitute’. Peshewar to veshya bhi hoti hai. Par ek veshya to raat bhar bistar garm karne ke baad apne graahak ko chhod deti hai. Ye peshewar to veshya se bhi gaya beeta nikla. Shaayad main buri tarah phans chuka hoon. Ek roshni ka suraag, ek ummeed ki kiran nahin dikhaayi de rahi in sab ke beech. Aisa lagta hai logon ne apne haath chadha diye hain mere haathon par. Jahaan main khada hoon uske aas-paas bahut shor hai. Us shor mein meri aawaz dabti ja rahi hai. Ek duldul hain jismein mera khudka astitva dhansta ja raha hai. Mujhe nahin pata main kya karne wala hoon. Haal filhaal ke liye to maine apne aap ko Draupadi ki tarah Krishna ke havaale saunp diya hai. Maine bhi haath utha kar ‘Krishnam Sharnam’ keh diya hai. Agar woh mere naseeb mein likhi hai to koi maa ka laadla mujhe us se juda nahin kar sakta. Aur agar nahin likhi hai to koi maa ka laadla mujhe us se nahin mila sakta.

Main SRK ka bahut bada prashansak hoon. Uski film OSO ka ek sanvaad hai jo mujhe gehre tak asar karta hai aaj bhi. ‘Kehte hain agar kisi cheez ko poore dil se chaaho to poori qaaynaat tumhe us se milaane ki koshish mein lag jaati hai…’ par lagta hai shaayad maine usey poore dil se nahin chaaha. Kahin na kahin par kuch kor kasar baaqi reh gayi thi jo aaj ye daur dekhna pad raha hai. Isey dusre nazariye se dekhoon to shaayad ye mera imtihaan hai. Shaayad koi ye dekhna chaahta hai ke mere andar kitni kaabiliyat hai. Kitni kshamta hai dard sehne ki. Tab kahin ja kar sochta hoon main agar yahaan se peechhe hatt gaya to ismein nuksaan sirf aur sirf mera hoga. Jis ‘moral victory’ ki main baat karta hoon zaroori nahin hai mujhe mil hi jaayegi. Phir dusra khayaal aata hai behron ko sunaane ke liye dhamaake ki zarurat hai. Jis cheez se main lad raha hoon ya yun kahoon ke ladne ki koshish kar raha hoon, woh koi ek vyakti nahin hai. Main ek soch se lad raha hoon. Vyakti ko maarna zaroori nahin hai, zaroori hai uski soch ko maarna. Saam-daam-dund-bhed ka tareeka kitna kaargaar hota hai dekhte hain. Kayi baar mann karta hai sab chhod dete hain aur zindagi dobaara se shuru karte hain. Phir wohi mann kehta hai is muqaam par aa kar chhodega to log hansega. Kahenge kamzor tha saala haar maan gaya. Main kamzor nahin hoon. Agar main apna aatm-sammaan bhula ke kisi ke saamne haath phaila sakta hoon to log usey meri kamzori na samjhein. Zarurat ke waqt to gadhe ko bhi baap banaana padta hai. Thik hai is waqt tu mera baap hi sahi. Par itna yaad rakhna, mauka sabko milta hai. Every dog has it’s own day. Aaj tera waqt hai, maar le. Kal, mera hoga. Tab main aisi maar maarunga ke jab jab baithega, yaad karega. Aaye honge teri zindagi mein bahut se log, par mere jaisa koi nahin aaya hoga. Maa kasam tere naam ka agar kutta nahin paala to mera naam badal dena. Kya to agle chaar din mein ye mujhe mera haq de dega, nahin to main isko phir dikhaaunga ke peshewaraana mein aisa bhi ho sakta hai. Bahut contract contract aur policy policy karta hai na, saari policy iske pichhwaade mein ghus jayegi.

Due to foul mood, I’ve been listening to odd senti filmi songs. Two songs that stands out are-
1. Jab dard nahin tha seene mein [Kishore Da, Pancham, Bakshi Saahab]
2. Main shaayar badnaam [Kishore Da, Pancham, Bakshi Saahab]
And the third one which helps me spit out my frustration in-front of that man-
3. Saadda haq [Mohit chauhan, ARR, Irshad Kamil]
Man! Whattay lyrics! Check it out-

1. Rasta rok rahi hai, thodi jaan hai baaqi, jaane toote dil mein, kya armaan hai baaqi, jaane bhi de ae dil…sabko mera salaam…main chalaa….

2. Sholon pe chalna tha, kaanton pe sona tha, aur abhi jee bhar ke, qismat pe rona tha, jaane aise kitne, baaqi chhod ke kaam, main chalaa….

3. Aise to thes na lagti thi, jab apne rootha karte thay, itna to dard na hota tha, jab sapne toota karte thay…

4. Marzi se jeene ki bhi kya main tum sabko arzi doon?

5. Matlab ke tum sabka mujhpe, mujhse bhi zyada haq hai?

6. Besaleeka main, is gali ka main, na jismein hayaa, na jismein sharam, mann ke rasme - jeene ka harjaana, tumhe aaj bataana, mann bole mann bole, mann se jeena ya mar jaana hai….arey kyun kaate mujhe, kyun baante mujhe, is tarah….kyun sach ka sabak sikhaaye, jab sach sun bhi na paaye, sach koi bole to tu, niyam kaanoon bataaye, tera darr, tera pyaar, teri wah…tu hi rakh….rakh saala!

7. O eco-friendly, nature ke rakshak, main bhi hoon nature… (puppy face).

8. Nazar mein rehti ho jab tum nazar nahin aati, ye lub bulaate hain jab tum idhar nahin aati… [Gulzar Saahab]
Phir kisi ka chehra yaad aa jaata hai. Do chehre rehte hain aankhon ke saamne aajkal. Ek apna khudka aur ek uska. Sirf do insaan. Do chehre. Do naam. Apna chehra yaad aata hai to khayaal aata hai ke agar is waqt main jhuk gaya to zindagi bhar jhukna padega is haraamkhor ke aage. Phir uska khayaal aata hai ke boss mujhe yahaan tak pahunchaane mein uska sabse bada haath hai. Kya uske contribution ko bhula kar main selfish ban jaaoon? Woh to aaj bhi mere saath hai. Zindagi ki aakhro paari usne mere bharose chhod rakhi hai. I’m his only hope. Zehar ka ghoont samajhkar pee jaata hoon is incident ko. Ek sabak le leta hoon. A lesson, learnt the hard way. He is leaving no stone unturned to make sure that my ego does not gets hurt. But in case nothing turns out my way, what do I do? Should I think of myself? Should I become selfish? And btw, the crux lies in the fact that, main jiske liye lad raha hoon duniya se, usne pehli baari mein mujhe dhokha diya tha! Aur jis se lad raha hoon, usne us waqt mujeh sahara diya tha! Would it be feasible to believe her now and get into a fight with the larger world? Kuch samajh nahin aa raha maa ki aankh iski. Dimag sunn pad gaya hai. 3rd floor pe to kuch nahin ho pa raha, 5th floor is the last option I guess. AKA is the last resort. Agar unka turup ka ikka bhi nahin chala to phir mujhe koi nahin bacha sakta! Dear paa, help me….nahin marwaani iske saath zindagi bhar. Gehne thode hi girwi rakhwaaye hain, keda aede naal byaah hoya ne mera? 

Maut ka kya hai, sirf ek dafe maaregi, ke main to bas zindagi se darta hoon!

Today I can...

I woke up early today, excited over all I get to do before the clock strikes midnight. I have responsibilities to fulfill today. I am important. My job is to choose what kind of day I am going to have.

Today I can complain because the weather is rainy or I can be thankful that the grass is getting watered for free.

Today I can feel sad that I don't have more money or I can be glad that my finances encourage me to plan my purchases wisely and guide me away from waste.

Today I can grumble about my health or I can rejoice that I am alive.

Today I can lament over all that my parents didn't give me when I was growing up or I can feel grateful that they allowed me to be born.

Today I can cry because roses have thorns or I can celebrate that thorns have roses.

Today I can mourn my lack of friends or I can excitedly embark upon a quest to discover new relationships.

Today I can whine because I have to go to work or I can shout for joy because I have a job to do.

Today I can complain because I have to go to school or eagerly open my mind and fill it with rich new tidbits of knowledge.

Today I can murmur dejectedly because I have to do housework or I can feel honored because the Lord has provided shelter for my mind, body and soul.

Today stretches ahead of me, waiting to be shaped. And here I am, the sculptor who gets to do the shaping.

What today will be like is up to me. I get to choose what kind of day I will have!

Have a GREAT DAY! Unless you have other plans.
By Anonymous

Source- http://tinyurl.com/6lzjyqh

A Poem By Kumar Biswas

I used to feel that Gulzar saahab is the best poet ever born. and I'm still firm on my belief. But, offlate I've started to read Mr. Kumar Biswas Ji's poetry too. It was KC's suggestion to me. And in no way I feel disappointed. Of what I've been able to read of his work, I'm presenting one poem here in this post. The reason I chose this one is that it's a multi-faceted multi-dimensional poem. It deals with various aspects that we observe around ourselves but we generally tend to ignore them. Here have a look-

sab faisle hote nahin sikke uchhaal ke,
ye dil ke maamle hain zaraa dekh bhaal ke,
mobile-internet ke daur ke aashiq ko kya pataa,
rakhte thay khat mein kaleja nikaal ke.

murda lohe se bhi auzaar banaane waale,
apne aansuon ko bhi hathiyaar banaane waale,
humko bekaar samajhte hain siyaasadna magar,
hum hain is mulq ki sarkaar banaane waale.

jo waqt ki aandhi se khabardaar nahin hai,
kuch aur hi hoga woh - woh kalaakaar nahin hai,
sadaa ye hai ki neendein chheen li dono ki aankhon se,
khataa ye thi ki dono ne milkar khwaab dekha tha.

pyaar jab jism ki cheekhon mein dafan ho jaaye,
odhni is tarah uljhe ki kafan ho jaaye,
ghar ke ehsaas jab baazaar ki sharton mein dhale,
ajnabi log jab humraah ban ke saath chale,
lubon se aasmaan tak sabki dua chubh jaaye,
bheed ka shor jab kaano' ke paas ruk jaaye,
nami ho laakh magar phir bhi muskuraayenge,
andhere waqt mein bhi geet gaayenge.

log kehte rahein is raat ki subah hi nahin,
keh do unse, unhe suraj ki roshni ka tajurba hi nahin,
wo ladaai ko bhale aar paar le jaayein,
loha le jaayein woh lohe ki dhaar le jaayein,
jiski chaukhat se taraazu tak ho unpar girvi,
us adaalat mein humein baar baar le jaayein,
hum agar gunguna bhi denge to woh sab ke sab-
humko kaagaz se haraa kar bhi haar jaayenge,
andhere waqt mein bhi geet gaaye jaayenge.