Thalaivar...

Alright! It is 12-12-12 and it’s superstar Rajnikanth’s birthday. So, we’ve come up with 12 things that will change in Indian cricket if Rajnikanth decides to play for Team India now.

1. India can still win this ongoing 4-match series despite being 2-1 down after three Tests.

2. ICC will revamp DRS (decision Rajnikanth system), where the umpires will have to refer every dismissal to Rajnikath. Of course, BCCI will agree to this.

3. The Indian selectors will retire from all forms of cricket.

4. Rajnikanth will be the bowler and also the keeper at the same time.

5. Bowlers and fielders who are guarding the boundary will have to wear helmets while Rajnikanth is batting.

6. The wickets start running from one end to the other when Rajnikanth hits the ball.

7. Duncan Fletcher will stop wearing sun glasses.

8. Pietersen, Dhoni and Dilshan can take the backseat. Rajnikanth will show the world how to play a switch-helicopter-dilscoop.

9. Rajnikanth will decide which bowler has to bowl to him. The opposition captain, again, agrees.

10. Rajnikanth will bat left-handed in place of Tendulkar, score a double hundred, and silence Tendulkar’s critics.

11. Rajnikanth will interview the commentators at the presentation ceremony.

12. Yuvraj Singh will change his date of birth as a mark of respect to Rajnikanth.

Learnings...

In the past 7 months,

1. I learnt to operate 3 critical
machines

* Scanner
* Printer
* Xerox Machine

2. I learnt to use 3 High End Software:
* Microsoft Word
* Microsoft Excel
* Microsoft PowerPoint

3. I learnt to use 3 great shortcuts:-
* Ctrl C
* Ctrl V
* Ctrl S

4. I learnt to say three very imp words
for professional life:-
* Yes
* Sorry
* I'll Just Do That

5. When I really wanted to quit, I
learnt to: -
* Wake Up early
* Sleep late
* Continue to Work

6. I learnt to: -
* Face Monday
* Fight For 6 Days
* Wait For Saturday

7. I learnt to give reasons to family
frnds and relatives for not making
* Phone Calls
* Messages
* Mails

8. I learnt to celebrate these things far
away from loved ones:-
* Birthdays
* Loneliness
* Festivals

9. In last 7 months, People say:-
* You Learnt...
* You Earned...
* You Enjoyed...

10. But when I compare me with my
self...
* I just Sustained...
* I just Tolerated...
* I just Survived...

And all this because i want to become a CHARTERED ACCOUNTANT :) :)

Sonu, tumhare liye...

Dear Sona,

Have you ever tried to understand that why suddenly you lose a grip on yourself and lose your temper? The thing is you get attached to it/person easily, whoever…people say you are too hard to gel with but on the contrary I feel you are too easy to gel with…you know, you get so attached to it [that person] that when you see they hiding from you.. when you see they being secretive with you, you can’t take it. You want clear answers, coz you give ‘em out on their face. And that is what I love the most about you. You are my honey dip. I know you pretty well. There are really very few people on this planet who have been my subject of scrutiny. And you are one of them my love. But, guess what, its not compulsory that it works out pretty much same always. Everybody has buttons and by trying to gain power on somebody you push ‘em which ticks ‘em off. Which, in our case, ofcourse, I never intended to press but did.

Don’t feel bad about it now. Please try and understand what made me do so. May be I crossed my line and I know I suck at crossing it, like the chicken trying to cross the road.  :D

Jokes apart, don’t be so hard on yourself. You are not the sona I know. Sona is a little cute innocent girl at heart. Don’t do something unpredictable even to yourself in the fit of rage/anger. All I can do is accept my fault, fight the urge to overpower them (as stupid as it will sound to you coz I know you won’t give me another chance) and let them be. I will leave now. If this is what you want, I will do this. I want to see you happy. No matter you are with me or not. I want to see you happy. You’ve been my first love. And you will always be. Every moment that I live henceforth, you will be a part of it. Every breath I take, will remind me of you. But as they say, sometimes it’s a better option to let go. You can’t always get what you desire. And they say, deserve before you desire.

Sonu, I hope you get the gist of this ambiguity. I’m sorry. Sorry for whatever happened. It was unfortunate. Pardon me if you can. J

Lots of love and respect…

Kya karein kya na karein...

This post might make few readers feel that am boasting about myself. But well then, tumhare maan-ne ya na maan-ne se mujhe fark padta nahi aajkal. Tumhe mere hone na hone se fark nahi padta to mujhe kyun pade? Kaun se maine apne gehne girve rakh diye thaare paas ke mujhe fark pade? Bhaad mein jaao!

I’m a total movie-buff. Everybody knows that. There are few directors whose’ movie I seldom miss. These includes the likes of RGV, Habib Faisal, Shimit Amin and Anurag Kashyap. I know most of their projects are nothing but shitty but still I can tolerate them for each time they serve ‘something new’. The reason I admire such directors is that I feel my attitude matches their’s. This line may make many feel that boasting has started. Fine then, am boasting. I feel a connect with their work. I believe they are the ones who live their life on their own terms. They don’t compromise on their output. It may even mean churning out shit. As far as they are happy with their work, they don’t give any damn to the outer world. Same is with me.

I’ve always had my own set of beliefs from very tender age. From quite early I had developed this attitude where-in I decided to opt out of the knot if I felt I can’t make with this person. In other words, I preferred to break it.  And touchwood, till date there has been no qualm of being this way. I do what I believe. And I believe what I do or what I am about to do.  Person himself knows where his/her strength lies. Me particularly is quite aware about it. Give me any God-damn thing. Bit tensed I may get, but ever you’ll find me in-competent. Be it anything. I’ll find some or the other way out. I’m saying so because I’ve been tried and tested under severe situations. And I’ve came out with the victor’s cup. But that was possible because somebody gave me chance. A chance to prove myself. And a chance to discover myself. Quite often we find people saying that I’m tired, I feel over-worked, I feel humiliated, etc etc. I don’t feel that way. Trust me. For, I take every new day on my toes. For, I know each new day has got new things in store for me. Give me an example of one person, who can say that my present day was ‘exactly’ same as my last day. There won’t be any. And I can bet my manhood for that.

Each new days brings in an opportunity to do something ‘new’. It just depends upon how you encash it. I try. I try to make the most of it. Few days back I had sent one sms to all my friends saying that for every day of my 7 months of article-ship [on paper!] so far, I haven’t worked for a single day. And by work, I meant the WORK. Yes. It might come as a shocker for many. But I hope you get the feel behind what I said. Each new day was different from the one that had passed. I experienced myself getting well-versed with the things each new day. Each new day there was something in my knowledge-bank that was not there at the end of the previous day. And that is what I’ve always wanted. I fear nothing[practically]. What I fear is stagnancy. One thing that I’ve realized time and again is, life moves on. People may come. People may go. Events may come. Events may go. Show goes on. Remember that one person in school on whom you were totally flat? Is that same person there with you NOW? I know majority of you will reply in negative. For those who said YES, then, mates you are the lucky ones. Don’t lose them. I was on very good terms with few people. Life was moving on. They were alive. I was alive. Then a stage came where our equations were not that great. They moved on. I moved on. They were alive. I was alive. Gulzar saahab rightly says, ‘jaanewalon ke liye kabhi dil nahin toda karte….’. Then they came back. I accepted them with a warm hug. They are moving on. I’m also growing and developing [very much evident!]. They are alive. I’m alive. To rona kya bhendi? Gar tumko hai problem, tumhara issue hai, na rumaal hai hum pe, na hum pe tissue hai, sutte ka kohra hai, daaru bahi hai.

As I said, I fear stagnancy, these days I’m feeling lots and lots of fear. For, in a way, my life has become stagnant. There are certain people with whom I want to talk and end certain things/issues. I know my exit is written. I’ve myself penned it with what I’m. I just want that exit to be smooth. I don’t want any past-exit hues and cries. I don’t want people to abuse me after I’m gone. Atleast not for something that I wasn’t even part of. Don’t know why I’m in the bad books of majority of the people. May be because I’m a rowdy guy. There is this upcoming movie of Akshay Kumar named ‘Rowdy Rathore’. And many people are not aware of the word ‘ROWDY’. To my mind, rowdy is something and somebody who is bit loud. If it is the definition then yes, obviously I’m a ROWDY. You are a ROWDY. Everyone is ROWDY. Some people prefer to hide it. And they succeed in doing so as well. And some like me feels no shame in flaunting it. If expressing your joy/mental state is being rowdy, then yes am a rowdy yaar. So what? What’s wrong in that? And I’m a bad person because of that? Screw you, if you said yes.

I was talking about beliefs. You know, you can change somebody’s belief. But you can’t change somebody’s mental decision. I can explain you everything in detail. But it won’t be of any use in case you’ve already decided my character. And boss Gulzar saahab says, ‘khamoshi ka haasil bhi ek lambi si khamoshi hai…’. Can you understand it? Boss baat karne se hi baat banti hai. Trust me, it doesn’t takes a moment to call it off. What takes time is making it. Taj Mahal can be demolished in a minute. But can you imagine how long would it have taken to build it? Same goes with human relations. And that relation can be any. Be it father-son, husband-wife, friends, lovers, etc. Ignorance is bliss they say. Wish I could kick them in their ass. Can you wonder how badly it hurts when some body ignores you? You can spend your life with somebody who hates you, who wants to kill you but not with somebody who is ignorant of you. For, then such life loses it’s charm yaar. You know the reason of life is to live your life with a reason. If somebody hates you, you have a reason to try and make sure that his/her hatred is reduced. If somebody wants to kill you, you’ve a reason to mend your ways with that person. But what if somebody ignores you? What is the purpose then? You can’t always go and ping somebody. After a point you start to feel ashamed of yourself. Of your ego. Of your self-respect. Andar se ek aawaaz dhikkaarti hai ke chutiye jab usko nahin padi to tu kyun chuttad ghis raha hai? But then, for somebody like me who thinks a lot, it isn’t easy either to lose it so easily. As I said, I will be happy if somebody feels bad about me if I had done wrong with that person, which I haven’t done with anybody so far as far as my memory supports me.. But I can’t live with the guilt that I’m in the bad books of that person for no apparent fault of mine. It doesn’t happens with everyone. Almost all feels that am an asshole. I show them this- _|_.  But I can’t think of somebody feeling bad of me when that somebody was a friend of mine at one point of time. That too, a good friend.

I happened to watch one movie called ‘Pyaar Ka Punchnama’ few days back all thanks to Babu Gujjar! There is this famous scene in the movie where one of the male characters gets frustrated of the opposite sex and spits his anger about them. I believe that particular scene is one the best scene I’ve ever seen in my life. I give full marks to the writer for penning down such minute yet real details so perfectly. Each one of us must have gone through it one day or the other. There was this remarks about ‘girls and sense’ in that very scene. It was so God-damn true. For girls, each talk is argument. For boys, each talk is discussion. Boys have this basic criteria of making sense in every discussion. Aur ladkiyaan bolti hain ke bhenchod ye sense jaisi chhoti si cheez ke wajah se hum argument kaise haar jaayein? _|_

Bhai kisi ko khush ho ke main bataata hoon ke am a part of Ernst and Young family now which is supposed to be part of one of the big four management consultancy firms in the world. Maine hamesha se yehi jaana, samjha aur maana hai ke khushi baanttne se badhti hai aur gham baanttne se kam hota hai. Dekha phir wohi baat, BELIEF. Khaer, maine un khawaateen ko bataaya ke main EY ka part hoon. Us waqt to unka koi jawaab na aaya. Ek din bas yun hi garma garmi ka thoda maahaul chal raha tha to unka jawaab aata hai ke- Don’t boast about you big company thing. Hansi bhi aati hai. Afsos bhi hota hai. Hansi isliye ke kis cheez ko kahaan joda un khawaateen ne. Afsos isliye ke yaar kahin maine galti to nahin ki unhe bataa ke? Ya unhe dost maan ke? Samajh mein nahin aa raha yaar. Ek yehi example nahin hai. Aur bhi hain. Khaer dusron ki tarag ungali uthaane se pehle apne girebaan mein bhi jhaank lena chahiye aisa mujhe sikhaaya gaya hai bachpan se. By the way sweetheart, woh company nahin, firm hai. JFYKI ok. I’m not boasting here about my global-gyaan!

Yaar maine ye post bade hi frustration mein likha hai. I seriously wants to come out of this shit sooner. Else I will screw my own life. Kuch log hain jo mujhe kehte hain ke college ke 5 saal beet gaye tum ek ladki nahi pata sake. Thoo hai tumhari zindagi pe. Main mazaak mein baat uda deta hoon ke yaar aap bade log ho. Hamaare aise bhaag kahaan. Or afsos to ladkiyaan karein ke college ke 5 saal beet gaye aur who humein nahin pata saki’. Agar thoda sa dimag laga ke dekhein is cheez pe, toh I feel jisne ladki pataayi usne kya ukhada? Ghants of the Babs. Zyada se zyada chumma-chaati kiya hoga. Thok liya hoga. Bas? Is se zyada kya kiya? Maine ladki na pata ke us time ko productively utilize kiya. Padhai ki thodi bahut. Aur aaj yahaan hoon. Am part of EY. And am proud of it. If you feel it’s boating, then may be yes. I like to boast about it. I feel proud when I wear that I-card with that logo of EY. Garv hota ke EY ke logo ke bagal mein meri tasveer hai aur meri photo hai. Am part of this family now. Haan I like to talk about the big things today coz bhenchod BADE ACHHE LAGTE HAIN. Isn’t it? Aaj duniya Sir Sir karke peechhe chalti hai. Mere doston ko haq hai ke woh mera mazaak uda sakein ye keh ke beta aajkal to biscuit ko bhi parleG kehte hain, respect mili to zyada na ud. Par aapko koi haq nahin banta mere ya mere kaam ke bare mein kuch bolne ka kyun ki aap to mujhe dost hi nahin maante. I feel proud that I stay in five-star hotels. That I travel by business class. That I’ve seen 7 cities in 50 days. That I’ve Toyota Innova besides my ass. That I’ve full freedom to take that Innova for a ride of 100kms just for a movie. That I’m offered The Last Drop, one of the costliest whisky in the world. Yes, I’m boasting. I’m boasting because I’ve earned it for myself. Nobody came and gave it to me. I get my ass fucked the whole day to enjoy it in the evening. I haven’t had spoon feeding. I wasn’t allowed to take the shortcut. Whatever I’m, I’m because of me myself. And I’m proud of it. My dad is proud of me and that is something that is most important for me. Who the hell are you? Tumhare jaise aur milenge mujhe. Abhi to mere safar ki shuruwaat hui hai. Aage-aage dekhna, agar aag nahin moot ke dikhaayi maine to mera naam bhi Rahul nahin. Ye mera ghamand nahin, mera vishwas hai. And main hamesha bolta hoon, aadmi ko khud maloom hota ke uska talent kahaan chhupa hai.  Nobody can be Rahul Bhomiya. Aamchya saarkhe aamhich. Tujhya aaicha gaavaat!

Thik hai yaar main gaaliyaan deta hoon. Mujh mein kuch buri aadatein hain. Main bura hoon. Sab gaali dete hain mere ko. Tu bhi de le. Main dil pe nahin leta. Coz dil pe lene ke liye aur bhi bahut si cheezein hain. Achhi. Bahut acchi. Chal khatam karte hain sab kuch. Tu apne raaste, main apne. Shaayad mere naseeb mein is se kuch behtar, aur bhi behtar likha hai. Aur woh mujhe milega. Mil ke rahega. B-)

Is chutiyape ke alawa, Life sahi hai, tension nahi hai… Met RJ today. Man, my eyes were almost teary when I hugged him. Almost two years. He looked fit and fine. Had a heart to heart chat with one of my all time best friend. Boss isko bolte hain dosti, do saal take k dusre ko dekha tak nahin, but dosti ka jazba aaj bhi wohi tha. Wohi garmjoshi thi milne mein. Lots of love to my DOSTANA partner! Err….woh sirf hum ko badnaam kiya hua hai duniya ne. Else we are very much straight! :-P Chalo time to call it off. Bahut lamba likh diya. Waise ye trend banta ja raha hai mere posts ka. Will try to be more regular on my baby blog so that the post size gets shortened up. Hota ye hain ke kayi dino tak likhta hoon nahi aalas ke chakkar mein. Ek din likhne baithta hoon ke bhaavnaao ka katora yahaan khaali kar deta hoon. Kisi ko ho na ho, Kiran bada chidhti thi is aadat se. Mere samne hi kyun khaali hota hai teri bhaavnaao ka katora…. Well she appeared cute that way!!!!!! :-D

This ones exclusively for my Sona...

Sitting in this stupid resort room of Chennai and just passing the time. Don’t know what to do. I’ve got some pending work of office with me. But feeling too lethargic on this sunny Sunday to finish it off. Temperature outside is 43 degree celcius. My heartiest salute to the inventor of AC. :P Happened to watch Department last night. Must say it was one of the biggest shit movie I’ve ever seen. But it had one of the best cinematography ever. Have you ever imagined how does world looks like from your nostrils? Or have you imagined how does world looks like from your ass? Nahi na? Go experience it then! Don’t know whats the prob with RGV. After one good movie, he delivers two three grotesquely disgusting movies. After NALS, expectations from Ramu were quite high. He disappointed bit time. BigB as usual stole the show single-handedly. Loved his character. Vijay Raaz was ultimate. Sanjay Dutt has developed a big paunch. Natalie Kaur’s partially nude item number was again, disgusting. Such song could have been picturised only by Ramu. Manmaani karne walon mein se hai RGV. And that’s why I love him. Ganesh Acharya ko dance to aata hai kya? I wonder. :O

Ladies and ledas,  chalo main aapko apni bakchodi sonata hoon. Matlab apni ik-tarfa prem kahaani bataata hoon. there is this one girl whom I love like anything. I haven’t expressed my feelings to her. I’m afraid. I’m afraid bcoz I’ve seen her Devil-ish side. She is too sweet otherwise. A brilliant friend to have. Somebody who loves to enjoy every moment.  Her smile is pristine. Her heart is pure as gold. She is just so so so perfect. And I’m the worst guy in this world. Yes, I am. I never claimed to be a good guy. They say I’m bad. Earlier I used to defend myself. But offlate, I’ve stopped retaliating. I accept whatever they say. Anyhow for them, I’m a piece of shit. And for me too, whatever they say is bull shit !! As in, those who cares doesn’t seeks an explanation and those who seeks an explanation, doesn’t cares.

Well I was talking abt this girl. Yes. You know, the only reason I’ve fell in love with her is that probably she is the only girl so far and till date who has made me shut my mouth. Forget girls, not even a single guy is there who can make me do so. But she did. And did it magnificiently. And that’s the crux of me falling in love with her. There was a time in my life where I had to decide what I want from life. This girl or the bigger world. I chose the latter one. I said to myself that lets try and stay away from her from now onwards. I did so. My reasoning behind it was, just to confirm whether or not this was love or just an infatuation. I realized, it wasn’t an infatuation. I was away from her, but there wasn’t a single day spent without me remembering her. It isn’t like I didn’t tried to move over her. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t succeed. And thus I made a comeback. Still today, she is not aware about this. And btw, I achieved what I wanted to in this brief stint of me staying away from her.

Some people can say that when I was succeeding in what I chose, why did I decided to make a comeback. It is because, I know I can do without her. But life would be totally different if she would be there. You know, I rarely talk to people about her. There are only two people who are updated about this particular aspect of my life. One is KC and other is Fire Brigade. Even today I try hard to stay away from her coz I know I don’t have it in me to win her. She deserves better. Much much much much better. May be a Prince Charles !! Okay, that was a hyperbole!!!!!!!

But you know, I’m unable to pen it down here as well. There is this feeling. Which isn’t that great. But I ain’t good at expression. Many a times Fire Brigade jacks me up to go and tell her that I love her. But then, there is this fear of losing her forever. She is a bit of dumb! Ya she is !! She is dumb and perceives every God-damn thing that I say in totally different manner. So now I think I must go and tell her that I hate her !! May be then she will understand what I mean! Let it be! She is my sona, and I love her that way.  Arey try and trust me. I know was an asshole. Or may be yes, I’m an asshole. But one thing is for sure. Is duniya mein koi aisa maa ka laadla nahi hoga jo tujhko mujhse se zyada pyaar kar sake. Ho to milwa dena, apne pichhwade pe ghooma ke tujhse laat padwaaunga! Promise!

On the other hand, am quite happy. Am happy that ye bandi mujhe nahi mili. Agar main bhi pyaar mohabbar ke chutiyape mein pad jaata to shaayad ye post hi nahi likh pa raha hota. Aaj agar ye post main Chennai mein baith ke likh raha hoon, uska credit main is bandi ko hi dunga. Boss, student life mein ya to laundiya pata lo, ya to padhai kar lo. Koshish to maine bhi ki, laundiya pataane ki. Par pati nahi baat alag hai. Aur main apne khuda ka bahut shukrawaar guruwaar hoon ke nahin pati. Chutiyapa ho jaata pat jaati to. Bhendi padhai karke main yahaan tak pahuncha hoon. Duniya dekh raha hoon. Aish kar raha hoon. Masti maar raha hoon. Achhe se achha kaam seekhne ko aur karne ko mil raha hai. Sirf ek wajah se- meri ki hui padhai ke wajah se. Main bhi duste laundon ki tarah ishaqbaazi ki patang uda raha hota. Chutiyapa kar raha hota. Tu khayi kya, tu khaya kya, tu nahaayi kya, tu nahaaya kya, baby, jaanu, sweetu, bachcha….bhaag bc! Am one of the luckiest person. Am God’s own child. Mera koi kuch bura nahi kar sakta. Main bahut aage badhne ke liye paida hua hoon. Aap saath hote to achha lagta. Aap bhi mujhe samajh paate. Meri nazron se duniya dekh paate. Par aapne dusra raasta chuna hai to khaer aapki marzi. Shaayad achha hi hoga ismein bhi kuch. Waise bhi aap jo karte ho, sahi hi hota hai. Aur main jo karta hoon, galat. Khaer chhodo yaar. You can’t force somebody to love you. Aur us se pyaar hone se pehle maine ye shart thode hi rakhi thi, ke woh bhi mujhse pyaar kare? Nahi karti to nahi karti yaar. Apni radha ko yaad kar. Main dil pe nahi leta. Shaayad is se kuch behtar bana ho mere liye. You never know. Even Abhishek got Aishwarya! He defied the thumb-rule that deserve before you desire! :P

Mere saath ek problem hai, aajkal ya to blog likhne ka mann nahin karta. Aur jab karta hai to likhte hi chala jaata hoon! Is it normal. I’ve too many things to say. To share. But I don’t have anyone to share it with. I wanted to share all these things with her. But she decided to remain unmoved with what I say. It’s fine. I used to talk in poetry. Aur jisko meri boli hui baatein palle nahin padti usko Gulzar Saahad, Javed Saahab, Sahir Saahab aur Prasoon Ji kya palle padenge! Isiliye to maine kaha tha ke she is bit dumb! Or may be I am dumb jo apni hi sona ko dumb bola. Aaj woh mere paas nahin hai. Bas uski kuch yaadein hain. Kuch achhi. Kuch buri. Kaafi hai. Jeene ke liye kaafi hai. Atleast I’ve that. Log kehte hain woh bahut buri hai. Mujhe nahin pata ke woh achhi hai ya buri. Main sirf itna jaanta hoon ke jab tak woh mere aas-paas thi, there was this circle of positivity around me. She gave me something. No it wasn’t here heart, though that was and is the only thing that I wish for, she gave me something that is rare. She taught me how to be a good person. But I hate her for one reason. She taught me the traits of a good person. But now when I’m trying to be a good person, she isn’t around to appreciate it. May be, it is what we call LIFE? Sona, tum haath chhuda kar chali gayi ho, par itna to tay hai, main jab tak jiyunga, tumhe har din yaad karunga. “Haath chute bhi to rishte nahin chhoda karte, jaane walon ke liye dil nahin toda karte….” Ho sake to dost maan lena. Nahin, to ek bura sapna. Aage jo tumhari aarzoo ho, shaayad aise hi zindagi haseen hai ??? Chalo yaar, aaj likhne ko bahut kuch hai. Waqt bhi hai. Par is se zyada log padh nahin payenge. Aur is se zyada main likhna nahin chahta apni sona ke bare mein. Nazar lag gayi to meri sona ko? ;->

Take care. Love to all. Power to all.

Another Road

Another day
Deep breath
Step forward
Trying not to fall
Off the edge of the world
Trying not to lose
Where we came from
Not knowing
Where we are going




Another road
Another day.....

Dilbar Mere (Satte Pe Satta 1982)

For My Sona,

Dil Bar Mere (Satte Pe Satta 1982)

Let it be...

let it be,

let it be ab jaane de,

ro liya hai,

ab zara muskuraane de,

itna to haq banta hai mujhe ek chance to de de zindagi,

galtiyon wali list mitaane de,

story mein ek twist to aane de,

itna to haq banta hai mujhe ek chance to de de zindagi,

meri majbooriyon ki hai tujhko qasam,

chhod bhi de ab ye naaraazgi,

apno se kab tak yahaan koi rootha hai,

kya sahi,

kya nahin,

ye sikha de na,

bhoole ko ab raste pe to aane de,

itna to haq banta hai mujhe ek chance to de de zindagi...

fursat ki eeton se,

khushiyon ke chheenton se,

duniya hamaari banaaunga,

main sajaaunga ye waada hai mera,

sapno se sach ki jo duri hai woh tay karunga magar ye safar aadha mera aadha tera,

tu jo meri ore aadha qadam bhi chale,

main to oonchi neechi sadkon pe chal ke saaton samundar ki duri mitaaunga,

roothi hai jab tak main na jaunga,

tere dar pe hi raat bitaaunga,

itna to haq banta hai mujhe ek chance to de de zindagi...

teri raahon mein hoon khada,

toota,

haara,

tanha pada,

maana maine ki bhool hai,

lekin tera dil hai bada,

tere dil ke kisi kone mein hi sahi,

mujhe zara si jagah bhi mil jaaye to,

main usmein hi apni jannat bana lunga,

kaano' ko kheench ke do laga de na,

na-samajh ko zara samjha de na,

itna to haq banta hai mujhe ek chan

Random Musings...

My blog is my baby. I feel like a father to it. I feel elated when I see comments on posts. I feel bad when I don’t find them. But for quite a some time now, I’ve been neglecting my baby. And I feel pretty bad about it. There was a time when I was obsessed with this phenomena of blogging. Keep aside just blogging, I was an internet fanatic. But now when I look back, I feel I was no fanatic. I was pure ‘CHUTIYA’. Pardon my language but yes I was one for sure. Not that I’m no more of that but yes, the context in which I’m using that term is relevant to be elaborated over here. About an year ago, internet for me was a social-networking medium, mail-exchanging platform, blogging adda and max to max a porn hub. At one point of time, my porn collection was as heavy as 17GB. Yes! You read it right. 17 God damn GBs. You might say, either I was a dumbass or I was a CHUTIYA. And I humbly accept that I was/I am both!

At that same time, I was in the rat race ke FB aur Orkut pe sabse lambi friends list kiski hogi. Kaun kudi pataayega online baith ke. Aaj jab peechhe mud ke dekhta hoon to lagta hai ke Boss! Kya chutiyapa kiya karta tha main. Aaj jab dusron ko karte dekhta hoon to hansi bhi aati hai aur bura bhi lagta hai ke log mujhe dekh ke sabak kyun nahin lete? Maine internet-chutiyaape mein apne career ka ek saal barbaad kar diya. Maine apne haathon apne 12^th ke % ki mother-sister united kar di. People had started to write me off. Phir ek waqt aisa aaya ke laga ke bhendi this is not my goal. These things are just distracting me from my real target. Then I took a deep breath and decided to call off all such stupidities of my life. Shuruwaat ke ek do week thoda sa tadpa. Just like how a drug-addict feels when deprived of drug. But then dheere dheere dimag main-stream mein aana shuru hua. Phir ek lamba stroke laga [LUCK BY CHANCE!]. Main apne target ke aur nazdeek aa gaya.

Sach boloon to mujhe nahin samajh mein aa raha kya likhoon. Likhna bahut kuch chahta hoon. Kehna bahut kuch hai. Bahut si cheezein hain mere aas-paas jis se ghira hua hoon. Kayi aisi baatein jo main kehna to chahta hoon par shaayad nahin kehni chahiye. Kuch aisi baatein hain jinhein main na hi kahoon to behtar. Kyun ki ek cheez hai. Mere kehne na kehne se kisi ko koi fark to padta hai nahin. Kahoon to bhi free-fund ki gaali khaata hoon. Na kahoon to baat hi aur. One major thing that striked me to write this random post is that I wanted to pen down something on MONEY. There have been two instances since past one week that have pushed me to write it. First incident happened last Monday. Monday ko flight mein baitha tha to ek lady apne paas rakha 10 rupaye ka ek note sabhi co-passengers ko dikha rahi thi. The speciality about that note was, uske upar printed digits us lady ka birth date tha. And she was saying that she is going to preserve this note till her last breath. I was taken aback! I’ll get back to the reason in the coming lines.

Second incident happened today. My badi dadi [my dad’s tai ji] passed away this Wednesday and so I back from Ahmedabad. She was 76 and was suffering from illness for past some time. I’m happy that she got rid of that grotesquely disgusting pain. May Almighty let her soul RIP. Nevertheless, I’ll miss her a lot. I simply loved the ‘Dal Wada’ that she used to prepare on Holi and Diwali. Unke funeral mein shareek hone ke liye mera ek cousin UP se aaya hua tha. Aaj us se aise hi shart lagi ke zyada kaun kha sakta hai. Obviously am a big time foodie. And it shows on my body too! And rahe-sahe mein main ek UP wale se haar jaaun. No ways! Aamchi Mumbai and Mi Marathi Manoos! Jai Maharashtra. Shaayad hi aaj UNR mein bikne wala koi aisa fastfood hoga jo hum dono ne nahin khaaya. You name it and we had it. Kal subah mera system mujhe gaali dega ye baat pakki hai !! Jokes apart, baat thi paise ki. 1100 rupaye maine khaane mein uda diye woh bhi  shart mein.

My mom always scolds me for being an irresponsible buyer. I never bargain. I pay whatever is asked for. I can’t check for the quality of goods that I’m buying and blah blah blah. Iske peechhe meri ek simple si theory hai. Main manta hoon ke main imaandaar hoon. Jitne paise agle bande ne maange utne maine usko diye. Ab mera assumption ye hota hai ke saamne wala bhi mere jitney imaandaar behave karega aur mujhe correct quantity aur sahi quality ki cheezein dega. But as my fuck luck would have it. More often than not, I end up being made a fool by the sellers. And being a lazy dumbo, I don’t even return back to that seller for complaining either. Instead, I prefer trying a new seller the next time. And maa zyada bolti hai to bol deta hoon, mere se to aisa hi laaya jaata hai, itna hi hai to tu khud hi le aaiyo agli baar, meko mat boliyo! She gets pissed off! I don’t mind that. She looks cute that way. ;-)

So the point was, there was a time jab papa bolte thay ke tujhe jo bhi chahiye tu mujhe bol de, main le aaunga. Whatever my need used to be, main unko bol deta tha aur who poori ho jaati thi. Phir main 8^th mein pahuncha. I gave up rickshaw service upto  school. I started to travel upto the school on my bicycle alongwith my other mates Puneet, Roshan and Avinash. Tab mujhe roz ke 10 rupaye as a pocket-money milna shuru hua. Tab aisa lagta tha ke maa ki aankh! Ye 10 rupaye ko kaise kharch karein. It was too huge of an amount for me. Phir 9^th mein 10 se 20 hua. 10^th mein 20 se seedha 50 hua. Tab tak bhi 50 rupaye bahut badi cheez hoti thi. Zyada se zyada PS jaata tha friends ke saath weekends pe tab kharcha hota tha. Wada-pav was the best thing I ever knew. Phir main college pahuncha. 11^th aur 12^th mein roz ki kharchi 100 rupaye ho gayi. Humko bhi college ki hawa lagi. Bunk maar ke movies dekhne lage. Kuch gande shaukh paal liye sangat ke chalte. Internet ka chaska laga. Bunk maar ke cyber mein baitha rehta tha. Then I slowly started to feel the money crunch. Ek waqt aisa bhi aaya jab 5-5 km paidal chala Kunal ke saath. Mere ye mahine ki koi expense reimbursement claim sheet utha ke dekhe, to usmein 4000 rupaye ka meru aur tab cab ka kharcha hai. MAA KI AANKH seriously! Can you believe that?

Pichhle ek mahine mein almost 20K hazaar mere haath se yahaan se wahaan ho gaye! I started from mere 300 bucks a month and have reached this level. Papa bataate hain that his first par cheque was for Rs. 536/-. Ek waqt mujhe 10 rupaye dekh ke aisa lagta tha ke main isko kaise kharch karunga. Aaj ki date mein, jeb mein laal wale bapu rehte hain to bhi ghar se nikalte hue darr lagta hai ke kaise manage hoga. How can you avoid expenses? They are everywhere. Mahine ke pehle 10-15 main nawaab ki tarah rehta hoon. Ant-shantt kharcha chalta hai. Karne wala bhi aur nahin karne wala bhi. College mein 3 rupaye ki Gold Flake light peeya karta tha. Aaj imported davidsoff maarte hain style ke liye. Kitna kuch badal gaya hai. Main khud kitna badal gaya hoon. When I was in school, I wasn’t apprehensive about anything. I was never ever concerned about log kya sochenge. Ab apni soch se pehle dusre kya sochenge ye zyada zaruri hone laga hai mere liye. I need to cut down heavily on that front. I need to respect my individuality. I need to respect the fact that I’m special. Atleast for myself, if not for this chutiya world. Sorry but offlate mujhe is’chutiya’  word se pyaar ho gaya hai. Mere hisaab se sabse cute gaali hi ye hai. Aap kisi ko pyaar se bhi chutiya bol sakte ho aur gusse se bhi. Meri zaruratein sabse alag hain. Chutiya main bhi hoon par main baaki sabhi chutiyon se alag hoon. Ye samjhaana hai ek bandi ko. Par woh maanti nahin. Khaer. Maane to thik. Na maane to apni radha ko yaad kare! Meri balaa se!

Dekha, kaha tha na maine. There are lots of musings, so many thoughts cooking up in my head. And I want to pen it down. But there is no linkage between all this.All the thoughts are scattered here and there. And text itna zyada hai ke likhte likhte main thak jaunga aur padhte padhte aap log. Chalo yaar, ab bore ho raha hai type karne ke liye. Just give me a ring if you are free some day. Kisi se baat karne ka mann kar raha hai. Am fed up of this loneliness around myself. Kisi se bhi. Just give me a ring. Leave me a message. Log khushi baant-te hain. Hum baith kar gham galat karenge.

Btw, happened to watch Jannat2 today. Must say, it was a maha-chutiya film. Expected much more from Kunal Deshmukh after averagely b’ful movie like Jannat. Even Emran disappointed big time. After TDP I used to feel like isne bhi acting seekh li. But he proved that he was a chutiya, he is a chutiya and he will be a chutiya forever. Woh to Milan Luthria karwa gaya acting nahi to aukaat nahin uski hero banne ki. Pritam’s music was a disaster. Esha Gupta ne ek cheez prove kar di ke koi bhi ladki jo kapde utaarne ko taiyaar hai, woh Mahesh Bhatt camp ki heroine ban sakti hai !!

Maa kasam! Agar Emran Hashmi, Himesh Reshammiya, Emran Khan, Jacky Bhagnani aur Harman Baweja hero ban sakte hain to am quite better off. I just need to shed few kilos and need to hit that gym iron to be an actor. Seriously. I can be a better actor than all these chutiyas combined together. My dear Babu Gujjar can attest this! Waise CA aur actor ke alawa, Vicky Donor ne bhi ek sunehre career profession ki raah khol di hai !! will definitely think upon that. No investment, only income! Signing off on that naughty note! Love to all. Power to all. May God bless you all. \m/

Movies Movies Movies....Filmi Chakkar!

I'm feeling too vella today after a long sob session ainvayi ka. So to kill the time, let me note down and present to you the list of movie DVDs that I've collected and seen since January 2011 till date. Here we go-

The Blue Umbrella

Mammo

Ijaazat

Khelein Hum Jee Jaan Sey

Satyakaam

Bazaar

Mausam [Gulzar]

Yeh Saali Zindagi

Dasvidaniya

Kaagaz Ke Phool

Chaudhvin Ka Chaand

Shakti [old]

Bandit Queen

Hazaaron Khwahishein Aisi

Mirch Masala

Mr. & Mrs. Iyer

Water

Hyderabad Blues

Umrao Jaan [Old]

Kalyug [old]

Chashm-e-buddoor

Jaane Bhi Do Yaaro

Guide

Hare Rama Hare Krishna

Parinda

Pinjar

Yahaan

Arth

Saaz

Arohan

Sardari Begum

Maine Gandhi Ko Nahi Mara

Main Aazad Hoon

Matrubhoomi

Mirza Ghalib [film]

Mirza Ghalib [TV Serial]

Antardwand

Black Friday

Ek Doctor Ki Maut

Albert Pinto Ko Gussa Kyon Aata Hai?

Pyaasa [old]

Sahib, Biwi Aur Ghulam

3 Deewarein

Maachis

Nishabd

RGV Ki Aag

Baqra Qiston Pey [TV Serial]

Masoom

Mere Apne

I Am Kalam

Kitaab

Achanak

Maqbool

Do Dooni Chaar

Shatranj Ke Khilari

Stanley Ka Dabba

Salim Langde Pe Mat Ro

Ek Ruka Hua Faisla

Paar

Hu Tu Tu

Zakhm

Tamanna

Anand [old]

Koshish

Salaam Bombay

Aandhi

Agneepath [old]

Aks

Omkara

Bombay Boyz

Allah Kay Banday

Force

Haqeeqat

Mother India

Chalti Ka Naam Gaadi

Half Ticket

Jhumroo

Rang Birangi

Aarakshan

Hum Dono

Prem Pujari

Pyaar Ka Punchnama

New York

Badmaash Company

Woh Lamhe

Raajneeti

Mughal-e-Azam

Andaz Apna Apna

Dum Maaro Dum

3 Thay Bhai

Khichdi The Movie

Jaan-e-mann

Dil Hai Ke Maanta Nahin

Dev

Chalo let me also find and put forward the list of the movies that I've seen in cinema-halls since January 2011. Here we go again. Interested ones keep reading. Fucktards should leave immediately-

Yamla Pagla Deewana

7 Khoom Maaf

Tanu Weds Manu

Shor In The City

Chalo Dilli

Shaitan

Bheja Fry2

Bol

Bhindi Bazaar Inc.

Bbuddah Hoga Terra Baap

Delhi Belly

Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara

Singham

Chala Musaddi Office Office

Not A Love Story

Bodyguard

That Girl In Yellow Boots

Mere Brother Ki  Dulhan

Mausam

Saheb Biwi Aur Gangster

Ra.one

Desi Boyz

Rockstar

The Dirty Picture

Ladies v/s Rocky Bahl

Pappu Can't Dance Saala

Don2

Agneepath

Gali Gali Chor Hai

Ek Deewana Tha

Paan Singh Tomar

Agent Vinod

Housefull 2

Vicky Donor

This is what happens when you're a movie loving vella and you've company and support of your father. But on a bit serious note, I've spent more than 15K bucks on this fuckery. That's actually an OMG figure! Kuch karna padega. :-|

Self-analysis

I’ve been closely observing my own life for past few days now. I’ve started keeping a trail of what I’m doing. I’ve started to tap my own movements. What I’ve realised out of this observation is that I’m becoming an oxymoron with each passing day. I’ve once again started to let people take myself for granted. There was a lean phase somewhere around May 2010 where I suffered from an emotional breakdown. I’m feeling as if I’m going back into the time. I’ve started creating a mess for myself all over again. The lesson that I had felt at that time, I’m ignoring it. I’m repeating the same old mistakes. I’ve started to allow somebody else to be my ‘Khuda’. I’ve started to share all the nitty-gritty things with somebody which I know I shouldn’t because I’ve had a sour experience with that person in the past. With me the problem is, I trust people easily. I’ve been and I guess I’m again wrong at selecting/judging people.

One thing that I’ve realised time and again is that in this whole bloody world, nobody is going to be with you permanently, not even your own parents, so forget friends. And as far as I’m concerned, it wouldn’t be wrong if I say that till date I haven’t made a single friend [going by the definition of this word as defined by KC]. You’ve got to find your own path, you’ve got to walk on it, all alone and all at your own. Nobody is going to guide you forever. People might be there to advice you, but as they say, India is a country where one can find ‘advisors’ in abundance. Well there are quite a many things that I’ve realised in the past two weeks or so. One major thing is, we must realise who is our forced/farce/pseudo enemy and who is our real enemy with the mask of a friend. So henceforth going ahead certain people should not be surprised to see a change in my behaviour pattern. It isn't going to be a sea-change but yes, change is on the cards. There are certain people I can’t leave because I really love them. But then, there are certain people with whom I ‘must’ distance myself if I’ve to realise that ‘one big dream’. They say that in order to fly high and in order to rise above your peers, you must be selfish. So far I’ve led my life selflessly. But I promise of one thing, from now on, I won’t remain selfless. I’ll become selfish. I’ve certain dreams which I’ll fulfil at any damn cost. And I’ll have no qualm in quoting that yes I’m a selfish fellow. Why should I even have any qualm? Was there anybody by my side when I needed a shoulder to cry upon? No, there wasn’t anyone.

Coming to a topic which is quite "complicated". Probably, controversial as well. There is this one friend of mine who believes that I'm the sole reason behind her sufferings. She believes that I’m still an asshole. Don’t how do I make her realise the fact that I ‘was’ an asshole. I ‘was’ a dumbass. But offlate, I’ve started to change myself for good. I know I was a spineless coward who had no sensitivity towards people and relationships. I want to tell her that I’ve started to learn out of my own mistakes. There are certain people who learn from the mistake commited by others. And then there are certain adventure loving creatures like me who believes in trying the same old mistakes at their own so that they can arrive at more sophisticated and personal learnings! Joke apart, buddy, I’ll give you my patience, my time and my everything that may heal the wounds of past. I told you that your belief is the only thing that matters to me. And if you think I was the source of all your sufferings, I must try and change it because I know that I wasn't the reason of your pain. Believe me, ya devi sarva bhuteshu shakti rupen maa samasthita namas tasye namas tasye! Saashtaang dandvat pranaam hai aapko. Arey I wasn’t even at fault. You may not need me, but I need genuine people like you around me. Trust me for hell's sake. :-| Well, let it be. I should not get into this all over again, at-least at this point of time. Hopefully, everything will be fine and things will be sorted out.

Another major thing that I’ve realised is that, with each passing day, I’m becoming addicted to certain things. And these certain things are quite fucking and blood sucking things. I've started to doubt my own capabilities and my own capacity. I know I can do well. Certainly. But don't know for which bloody reason I'm not ready to try anything new, anything challenging. Fire Brigade has his own reason to do well. I think I've none. What I wanted to prove, I've already proved to that [or those, for that matter] bastard. If I'm going to remember Mr. L and his gang for whole of my life, the very same Mr. L is going to remember me for whole of his life too! A tit for tat! A morale victory! I've learnt a lot from him. I just want him to learn a simple thing that 'boss, har kisi ka apna apna sapna hota hai, apni apni khwahish hoti hai, apne apne falsafe hote hain life ke, uske beech mein mat aana kabhi, bahut baddua lagti hai, baaqi to aap mere se zyaada samajhdaar ho'. Saale halkatt-pan pe utar gaye woh log end mein! Jaat dikha di apni ! Aish karo. Maaf kiya tum sab ko. Mujhe jo chahiye tha woh to maine le liya. Ab tum apni radha ko yaad karo. Period. ;-) B-)

How badly I wish if I had a better command over Urdu and English language. English is what is slowly becoming a necessity. It's the language of profession I'm getting into. It's the global language now. And for Urdu, I want to learn it for personal reasons. I love misras, nazms, shairs and poetry. And my all time fav is none other than Gulzar saahab. Gulzar saahab says, 'badi aristocracy had is urdu zubaan mein, muflisi mein bhi nawaabi ka mazaa deti hai !'. Seriously, I want to sharpen my command over these two languages. Also, these days I find myself listening to ghazals all day long. Yeah! I'm on exam preparatory leave but I'm not preparing anything! Worst part of a student's life. CA student's life for that matter. CA students ke saath ek problem hoti hai. If they happen to reach the CA finals before TY, they start to believe that they are the tigers. And this attitude is the sole reason that even after being thousand times more intelligent than normal B.com student, they don't fare too well in their graduation. Atleast this is the case with me, sadly though.
Another reason for being sad is that my Jammy has retired completely from cricket. :-( A great cricketer, a humble human being, a gentleman, a true spirited team guy, etc etc. Well, the words seem to fall short in his praise. Perhaps, the best test batsman of the era that I've witnessed. Rahul Bhomiya will miss Rahul Dravid. Rather, we all will miss you Mr. Wall. May you keep busy and healthy even in your post-retirement life. All the very best for future. :-)
Chalo aaj ke liye yaaron bahut hui bakchodi. Na kisi ka rona-dhona, na koi siyaappa, har kisi ko taada, har kisi ko naapa, chhichhoristaan ke, hum chaudhary hain, life sahi hai, tension nahin hai ! ;-) Ye thi khabrein aaj tak, intezaar kijiye....pata nahin kab tak! :-P Seriously blogging is losing that good old charm for me. Lots of love to my sona and my well-wishers [in case there are any!]. Tk cr.

I'm no more ME...

Disclaimer: This post may not make a single sense to everyone and it may get too long. Rather it may not make any sense to anyone. Nobody knows what I’m going through right now. Dear Fire Brigade, you too are unaware of the latest happening in my life. So you too may not find any sense here. So read it at your own risk…

Thak gaya hoon main. Duniya se ladta ladta thak gaya hoon. Ye to maine pehle bhi kahaa tha. Par tab angrezi mein tha. Abhi maatrubhaasha mein bol raha hoon. Bhavnao ko samjho. Apne aap ke liye maine khud Agneepath bana liya hai. Chal to pada hoon is path par lekin pata nahin kahaan jaane wala hoon. Kuch samajh nahin raha main kya karoon. Khud ko Abhimanyu mehsoos karne lag gaya hoon jo ek chakravyuh mein phans gaya hai. Aur mujhe ye bhi nahin pata ke is se baahar aane ka raasta kya hai. Maine jo maanga tha jo chaaha tha woh galat ho sakta hai par bura bilkul bhi nahin tha. It can be termed as wrong, but it isn’t unethical. Maine kya maanga tha us se? Kisiki rihaai. Main yahaan par reh kar sirf uska akele ka bhalaa karunga. Kaam uska hoga. Naam uska hoga. Daam usko milega. Mujhe kya milega? Baba ji ka Ghanta! In sab mein sirf ek aadmi ki tarakki hogi- uski. Where the hell is my self-growth bhenchod?

Kabhi kabhi lagta hai sab kuchh chhod kar chalaa jaaoon kahin par. Kya hoga zyada se zyada? Court mein khinch lega. Par usne bhi to galat kiya. Kisi se uska samvidhaanik adhikaar chheen lena kya sahi hai? Mujhe kya haq nahin banta ke main bhi woh karoon jo main karna chahta hoon. Don’t I have any right to live my life with dignity? Don’t I have dreams? Well, as KC says, the word professional is the extension of the word ‘prostitute’. Peshewar to veshya bhi hoti hai. Par ek veshya to raat bhar bistar garm karne ke baad apne graahak ko chhod deti hai. Ye peshewar to veshya se bhi gaya beeta nikla. Shaayad main buri tarah phans chuka hoon. Ek roshni ka suraag, ek ummeed ki kiran nahin dikhaayi de rahi in sab ke beech. Aisa lagta hai logon ne apne haath chadha diye hain mere haathon par. Jahaan main khada hoon uske aas-paas bahut shor hai. Us shor mein meri aawaz dabti ja rahi hai. Ek duldul hain jismein mera khudka astitva dhansta ja raha hai. Mujhe nahin pata main kya karne wala hoon. Haal filhaal ke liye to maine apne aap ko Draupadi ki tarah Krishna ke havaale saunp diya hai. Maine bhi haath utha kar ‘Krishnam Sharnam’ keh diya hai. Agar woh mere naseeb mein likhi hai to koi maa ka laadla mujhe us se juda nahin kar sakta. Aur agar nahin likhi hai to koi maa ka laadla mujhe us se nahin mila sakta.

Main SRK ka bahut bada prashansak hoon. Uski film OSO ka ek sanvaad hai jo mujhe gehre tak asar karta hai aaj bhi. ‘Kehte hain agar kisi cheez ko poore dil se chaaho to poori qaaynaat tumhe us se milaane ki koshish mein lag jaati hai…’ par lagta hai shaayad maine usey poore dil se nahin chaaha. Kahin na kahin par kuch kor kasar baaqi reh gayi thi jo aaj ye daur dekhna pad raha hai. Isey dusre nazariye se dekhoon to shaayad ye mera imtihaan hai. Shaayad koi ye dekhna chaahta hai ke mere andar kitni kaabiliyat hai. Kitni kshamta hai dard sehne ki. Tab kahin ja kar sochta hoon main agar yahaan se peechhe hatt gaya to ismein nuksaan sirf aur sirf mera hoga. Jis ‘moral victory’ ki main baat karta hoon zaroori nahin hai mujhe mil hi jaayegi. Phir dusra khayaal aata hai behron ko sunaane ke liye dhamaake ki zarurat hai. Jis cheez se main lad raha hoon ya yun kahoon ke ladne ki koshish kar raha hoon, woh koi ek vyakti nahin hai. Main ek soch se lad raha hoon. Vyakti ko maarna zaroori nahin hai, zaroori hai uski soch ko maarna. Saam-daam-dund-bhed ka tareeka kitna kaargaar hota hai dekhte hain. Kayi baar mann karta hai sab chhod dete hain aur zindagi dobaara se shuru karte hain. Phir wohi mann kehta hai is muqaam par aa kar chhodega to log hansega. Kahenge kamzor tha saala haar maan gaya. Main kamzor nahin hoon. Agar main apna aatm-sammaan bhula ke kisi ke saamne haath phaila sakta hoon to log usey meri kamzori na samjhein. Zarurat ke waqt to gadhe ko bhi baap banaana padta hai. Thik hai is waqt tu mera baap hi sahi. Par itna yaad rakhna, mauka sabko milta hai. Every dog has it’s own day. Aaj tera waqt hai, maar le. Kal, mera hoga. Tab main aisi maar maarunga ke jab jab baithega, yaad karega. Aaye honge teri zindagi mein bahut se log, par mere jaisa koi nahin aaya hoga. Maa kasam tere naam ka agar kutta nahin paala to mera naam badal dena. Kya to agle chaar din mein ye mujhe mera haq de dega, nahin to main isko phir dikhaaunga ke peshewaraana mein aisa bhi ho sakta hai. Bahut contract contract aur policy policy karta hai na, saari policy iske pichhwaade mein ghus jayegi.

Due to foul mood, I’ve been listening to odd senti filmi songs. Two songs that stands out are-
1. Jab dard nahin tha seene mein [Kishore Da, Pancham, Bakshi Saahab]
2. Main shaayar badnaam [Kishore Da, Pancham, Bakshi Saahab]
And the third one which helps me spit out my frustration in-front of that man-
3. Saadda haq [Mohit chauhan, ARR, Irshad Kamil]
Man! Whattay lyrics! Check it out-

1. Rasta rok rahi hai, thodi jaan hai baaqi, jaane toote dil mein, kya armaan hai baaqi, jaane bhi de ae dil…sabko mera salaam…main chalaa….

2. Sholon pe chalna tha, kaanton pe sona tha, aur abhi jee bhar ke, qismat pe rona tha, jaane aise kitne, baaqi chhod ke kaam, main chalaa….

3. Aise to thes na lagti thi, jab apne rootha karte thay, itna to dard na hota tha, jab sapne toota karte thay…

4. Marzi se jeene ki bhi kya main tum sabko arzi doon?

5. Matlab ke tum sabka mujhpe, mujhse bhi zyada haq hai?

6. Besaleeka main, is gali ka main, na jismein hayaa, na jismein sharam, mann ke rasme - jeene ka harjaana, tumhe aaj bataana, mann bole mann bole, mann se jeena ya mar jaana hai….arey kyun kaate mujhe, kyun baante mujhe, is tarah….kyun sach ka sabak sikhaaye, jab sach sun bhi na paaye, sach koi bole to tu, niyam kaanoon bataaye, tera darr, tera pyaar, teri wah…tu hi rakh….rakh saala!

7. O eco-friendly, nature ke rakshak, main bhi hoon nature… (puppy face).

8. Nazar mein rehti ho jab tum nazar nahin aati, ye lub bulaate hain jab tum idhar nahin aati… [Gulzar Saahab]
Phir kisi ka chehra yaad aa jaata hai. Do chehre rehte hain aankhon ke saamne aajkal. Ek apna khudka aur ek uska. Sirf do insaan. Do chehre. Do naam. Apna chehra yaad aata hai to khayaal aata hai ke agar is waqt main jhuk gaya to zindagi bhar jhukna padega is haraamkhor ke aage. Phir uska khayaal aata hai ke boss mujhe yahaan tak pahunchaane mein uska sabse bada haath hai. Kya uske contribution ko bhula kar main selfish ban jaaoon? Woh to aaj bhi mere saath hai. Zindagi ki aakhro paari usne mere bharose chhod rakhi hai. I’m his only hope. Zehar ka ghoont samajhkar pee jaata hoon is incident ko. Ek sabak le leta hoon. A lesson, learnt the hard way. He is leaving no stone unturned to make sure that my ego does not gets hurt. But in case nothing turns out my way, what do I do? Should I think of myself? Should I become selfish? And btw, the crux lies in the fact that, main jiske liye lad raha hoon duniya se, usne pehli baari mein mujhe dhokha diya tha! Aur jis se lad raha hoon, usne us waqt mujeh sahara diya tha! Would it be feasible to believe her now and get into a fight with the larger world? Kuch samajh nahin aa raha maa ki aankh iski. Dimag sunn pad gaya hai. 3rd floor pe to kuch nahin ho pa raha, 5th floor is the last option I guess. AKA is the last resort. Agar unka turup ka ikka bhi nahin chala to phir mujhe koi nahin bacha sakta! Dear paa, help me….nahin marwaani iske saath zindagi bhar. Gehne thode hi girwi rakhwaaye hain, keda aede naal byaah hoya ne mera? 

Maut ka kya hai, sirf ek dafe maaregi, ke main to bas zindagi se darta hoon!