I decided to write this piece of post taking a cue from the chat I had with a dear friend Kunal the other night. I was just trying and explaining him that FYBcom was the best year of my college life so far. Here it is why!!
Before coming directly to FY days, let me go couple of years back to my Matriculation days. It was 'probably' the best year of my schooling life. The reason for the exaggeration is the very fact that I secured 80% marks back then! Well that 80% had my lots of sweat and hard-work. Lethargy and Procrastination are two of my personality traits, as my papa always points it out. I don't take life too seriously. I'm from the ones who believes that there is lots of time in the womb of tomorrow than today.
The success story was so climaxed that in the first preliminary exam conducted by my school, I got 73/75 in geometry and 1/75 in algebra. I still remember Leela ma'm saying, 'usko chhod do, uska kuchh nahin ho sakta' in her typical south Indian accent. This triggered off the Men in me. I went back home and prepared nothing but algebra for the coming two weeks. And in the second prelims I got 71/75 in geometry and 74/75 in algebra. Everybody, including me, was taken aback. How can somebody travel so much in just a time-lag of two weeks? Well, all this and I secured 80% in SSC. When I went to my school to take my result, Leela ma'm exclaimed that 'mera book complete karta toh 85% aata' again in her typical accent [guys, remember SQUARED ROOT TWO for Square Root Two?? :P].
Again due to my procrastination and laziness, I bunked my coaching classes for two months in a row. Shailesh sir used to call every alternative day to enquire about my where abouts, I was sharp enough even back then, as I never let anybody pick-up the cell seeing his number !!
Well this hysteria of 80% continued to play at the back of mind and worked big time even in college. In my FYJc days too, I was the same adamant guy who never touched books until the exam was on the head. Result- I got 51% in 11th. Can you believe the very fact that I got some 140 odd marks in maths in my 10th graders, but was really feelings blues before the result of FYJC would be out. I got 36/100. For this downfall, I would attribute the contribution of 103 movies that I saw in those 8 months !! [including my first ever experience of watching a blue film on big screen at Shriram] :P I took admission in a coaching class but attended it only for one month then again started to bunk them. You see, the EGO ??
Well it was 12th where I became a bit of internet-literate, all thanks to my dear KC. He taught me to use internet for fruitful purposes but, as the KEEDAS in me rose again, I got the addiction of Orkut-Chirkut [i.e. the social networking]. Because of poor performance in maths in FYJc, the ghost of Maths continued to haunt me. I used to cry while bathing for my dad had filled up my form and he decided that I go for Maths and not the other practical subject. Well, truly saying, I would say more then the fear, the reason was me not practicing the subject. May be again that was due to the fear or prejudice that ‘jab kuchh aata hi nahi hai toh practice kya ghanta karoon??’. Well. I got a mere 68% in my HSC exams.I had joined Enkays then. Did lots of KEEDA-KAANDI there too. When the results were out, NK sir exclaimed that you dug your own grave because of your nature of over-helping your friends [Vivek and Ronak, remember the HW book incident] :( I was so childish.
The real jolting came when I failed for the very first time i.e. CPT first attempt. I didn’t cried. This was for the reason that even before I wrote the exams, I was sure of failure because the lectures of CPT were conducted in the summer vacation after HSC and for me it was the time to enjoy as I had studied a ‘lot’ for 12th. Well, ok, I started my FYBcom.
Now the real thingie started, my day used to start at 5.45. I used to leave for the college at 6.40 sharp. Going there, sitting for two lectures, then eating the Anna-Ka-Wada-Pav outside the college, “trying” to ‘teach’ maths and accounts to a dear buddy Niku. Well, I thought I was teaching and she thought that she was learning :P. And then a walk to classes with Chacha-Bhatija-Gandhi. There was rumour that me and niku are seeing each other. Man! I wanted to kill the rascal who said so. Main kahaan.....woh kahaan! :P It was so beautiful weather back then, so calm, so serene, so peaceful. I has been two full years since I haven’t heard the birds chirping in the morning. Well, I forgot to mention the same addiction of movies and internet. I shifted from Orkut to some-what more advanced FB. And for movies, I don’t remember whether I missed any movie with Vivek ~ !! :D
For SY, I would say – “NO COMMENTS” for I myself don’t know where it started and when it ended. I attended one lecture in the entire year and that too to submit my project. Looking at me strangely, Kavita ma’m remarked, ‘New Admission kya?’. It was a bit of awkward moment but to escape I said Yes !! It wasn’t a year, it was a night-mare. I did nothing for one year, but just toiled around. But something good happened. I buried my hatches with Kunal for the reason that we had a little tiff after HSC on the matter of Kiran. Well, everything is in sync now.
Presently, TYBcom.......man I would again say- “NO COMMENTS” as everybody knows that ‘bahut buri tarah fati padi hai, aisi ki seel bhi nahi sakte’ coz of the recent amendment of 60/40 pattern. I sincerely pray and hope that it be taken back as the rumour mill is churning.
Well the post has become too long for the ones who’ve read it. So my motive behind writing all so long was to point out that, so many things have changed around and inside me in the past 4yrs. I’m not what I was 4yrs back. I’ve stopped letting the people take advantage over me. I’m learning to say No sweetly. I’m still the same little kid in many ways. Just that the priorities have changed. And I guess it’s normal. And I’ve become more of anti-social these days, [not in the actual sense of the word but for the reason of me leaving social-networking you dumbos!]. Lets see, what the future has in store for me. Will keep you guys informed about it. For those who are interested, you are always welcome. For those who are not, go kiss Rakhi Sawant [worst then hell]. :P Signing off !!
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Mediclaim- LMAO
A couple went to a sex therapists office at ABC Hospital.
The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?"
The man said, "Will you watch us having sex, for your expert analysis?"
The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed.
When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the
way you have intercourse," and charged them Rs.300.
This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an
Appointment, have intercourse with no problems, pay the doctor and then
leave.
Finally the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?"
The man said, "We're not trying to find out anything. She's married and we
can't go to her house - I'm married and we can't go to my house.
The Oberoi Room charges Rs. 25000, Taj charges Rs.10000, Le Meridian
charges Rs.5000.
We do it here for Rs. 300, and I get that back from MediClaim.. (Health Insurance :P)
The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?"
The man said, "Will you watch us having sex, for your expert analysis?"
The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed.
When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the
way you have intercourse," and charged them Rs.300.
This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an
Appointment, have intercourse with no problems, pay the doctor and then
leave.
Finally the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?"
The man said, "We're not trying to find out anything. She's married and we
can't go to her house - I'm married and we can't go to my house.
The Oberoi Room charges Rs. 25000, Taj charges Rs.10000, Le Meridian
charges Rs.5000.
We do it here for Rs. 300, and I get that back from MediClaim.. (Health Insurance :P)
Waiting to pee !!
After-effect of deforestation !! The more trees are getting cut the more dogs will make a line to pee in your surroundings. SO PLANT TREES :D
The mailman !!
One Monday morning, the mailman is walking the neighborhood on his usual route.
As he approaches one of the homes, he notices that both cars were in the driveway. His wonder was cut short by Bob, the homeowner, coming out the front door, stepping around empty beer and liquor, bottles.
"Wow, Bob, looks like you guys had one hell of a party last night!" the mailman says.
Bob, in obvious pain, replies, "Actually we had it Saturday night. This is the first I have felt like moving since 4:00 am Sunday morning. We had about fifteen couples from around the neighborhood over for some weekend fun and it got a bit wild.Hell, we got so drunk around midnight that we started playing 'Who Am I?'"
"Is that a game?" the mailman asks. "How do you play that?"
"Well, all the guys go into the bedroom and we come out one at a time with a sheet covering us and only our 'privates' showing through a hole in the sheet. Then the women try to guess who it is."
The mailman laughs and says, "Damn, I'm sorry I missed that."
"Well, that's why I came out to talk to you," Bob says, "You better lay low for a few days, since your name came up seven times and several of the guys are looking for you =)) :p
As he approaches one of the homes, he notices that both cars were in the driveway. His wonder was cut short by Bob, the homeowner, coming out the front door, stepping around empty beer and liquor, bottles.
"Wow, Bob, looks like you guys had one hell of a party last night!" the mailman says.
Bob, in obvious pain, replies, "Actually we had it Saturday night. This is the first I have felt like moving since 4:00 am Sunday morning. We had about fifteen couples from around the neighborhood over for some weekend fun and it got a bit wild.Hell, we got so drunk around midnight that we started playing 'Who Am I?'"
"Is that a game?" the mailman asks. "How do you play that?"
"Well, all the guys go into the bedroom and we come out one at a time with a sheet covering us and only our 'privates' showing through a hole in the sheet. Then the women try to guess who it is."
The mailman laughs and says, "Damn, I'm sorry I missed that."
"Well, that's why I came out to talk to you," Bob says, "You better lay low for a few days, since your name came up seven times and several of the guys are looking for you =)) :p
Don't mess with this senior citizen !!
An elderly lady decided 2 give herself a big treat 4 her significant B'day by staying o'ernight in 1 of London 's most expensive hotels.
When she checked out next morning, the desk clerk handed her a bill for £250.00.
She exploded & demanded 2 know why the charge was so high. "It's a nice hotel but the rooms certainly aren't worth £250.00 for just an o'ernight stop without even breakfast."
The clerk told her that £250.00 is the 'Standard Rate' so she insisted on speaking 2 the Manager.
The Manager appeared & forewarned by the desk clerk announced:- "The hotel has an Olympic-sized pool & a huge conference centre which are available 4 use."
'But I didn't use them," she said.
''Well, they're here & u could have," explained the Manager.
He went on 2 explain that she could also have seen 1 of the In-house shows 4 which the hotel is famous. "We have the best entertainers from Edinburgh, Glasgow & Aberdeen performing here," the Manager said.
"But I didn't go 2 any of those shows," she said.
"Well, we have them & u could have," the Manager replied.
No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, she replied, "But I didn't use it!"
The Manager was unmoved, so she decided 2 pay, wrote a cheque & gave it 2 the Manager.
The Manager was surprised when he looked at the cheque."But madam, this cheque is only made out for £50.00." ''That's correct.. I charged u £200.00 4 sleeping with me," she replied.
"But I didn't!" exclaims the very surprised Manager.
"Well, too bad, I was here & u could have."
Don't mess with Senior Citizens!!
When she checked out next morning, the desk clerk handed her a bill for £250.00.
She exploded & demanded 2 know why the charge was so high. "It's a nice hotel but the rooms certainly aren't worth £250.00 for just an o'ernight stop without even breakfast."
The clerk told her that £250.00 is the 'Standard Rate' so she insisted on speaking 2 the Manager.
The Manager appeared & forewarned by the desk clerk announced:- "The hotel has an Olympic-sized pool & a huge conference centre which are available 4 use."
'But I didn't use them," she said.
''Well, they're here & u could have," explained the Manager.
He went on 2 explain that she could also have seen 1 of the In-house shows 4 which the hotel is famous. "We have the best entertainers from Edinburgh, Glasgow & Aberdeen performing here," the Manager said.
"But I didn't go 2 any of those shows," she said.
"Well, we have them & u could have," the Manager replied.
No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, she replied, "But I didn't use it!"
The Manager was unmoved, so she decided 2 pay, wrote a cheque & gave it 2 the Manager.
The Manager was surprised when he looked at the cheque."But madam, this cheque is only made out for £50.00." ''That's correct.. I charged u £200.00 4 sleeping with me," she replied.
"But I didn't!" exclaims the very surprised Manager.
"Well, too bad, I was here & u could have."
Don't mess with Senior Citizens!!
She destroyed my golf passion
Saturday morning I got up early, dressed quietly, grabbed my golf bag, tried not to wake my wife, sneaked quietly into garage & proceeded to back out into....a torrential rain ! Wind was blowing at 50 mph.
I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio & discovered that the weather would b bad through out d day.
Disappointed I went back into the house,quietly undressed, and sneaked back into bed.
There I cuddled up to my wife's back& whispered: 'The weather out there is terrible.'
My beautiful and loving wife replied: I know... and can you believe my stupid husband is out there playing golf in that terrible weather !'
I still don't know to this day if she was joking, but I have stopped playing golf !!=)) :D :)
I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio & discovered that the weather would b bad through out d day.
Disappointed I went back into the house,quietly undressed, and sneaked back into bed.
There I cuddled up to my wife's back& whispered: 'The weather out there is terrible.'
My beautiful and loving wife replied: I know... and can you believe my stupid husband is out there playing golf in that terrible weather !'
I still don't know to this day if she was joking, but I have stopped playing golf !!=)) :D :)
Interesting
A man walks into a bar and orders a double, obviously upset.
"What's the matter, buddy?" asks the bartender.
"It's a long story. I met this beautiful woman who invited me back home. We stripped off our clothes and jumped into bed and were just about to make love when her goddamned husband came in the front door. So I had to jump out of the bedroom window and hang from the edge by my fingernails without any clothes on!''
''Gee, that's tough!'' commiserated the bartender.
''Right, but that's not what really got me aggravated. When her husband came into the room, he wanted to have sex with her -- but he had to piss first. And the lazy son of a bitch pissed out the window right onto my head!"
''Yeech! No wonder you're in a lousy mood."
''Yeah, but I haven't told you what really really made me mad. Next, I had to listen to them grunting and groaning and when they finished the husband tossed his condom out the window. And where does it land? On my goddamned forehead!''
''Damn, that really is a drag!''
''Oh, I'm not finished! See, what really pissed me off was when the husband had to take a dump. Turns out that their toilet was broken, so he stuck his ass out of the window and let loose right on my head!''
''That would sure mess up my day."
''Yeah, yeah, yeah, but do you know what REALLY REALLY REALLY pissed me off? When I looked down and saw that my feet were only SIX inches off the ground!'' =D
"What's the matter, buddy?" asks the bartender.
"It's a long story. I met this beautiful woman who invited me back home. We stripped off our clothes and jumped into bed and were just about to make love when her goddamned husband came in the front door. So I had to jump out of the bedroom window and hang from the edge by my fingernails without any clothes on!''
''Gee, that's tough!'' commiserated the bartender.
''Right, but that's not what really got me aggravated. When her husband came into the room, he wanted to have sex with her -- but he had to piss first. And the lazy son of a bitch pissed out the window right onto my head!"
''Yeech! No wonder you're in a lousy mood."
''Yeah, but I haven't told you what really really made me mad. Next, I had to listen to them grunting and groaning and when they finished the husband tossed his condom out the window. And where does it land? On my goddamned forehead!''
''Damn, that really is a drag!''
''Oh, I'm not finished! See, what really pissed me off was when the husband had to take a dump. Turns out that their toilet was broken, so he stuck his ass out of the window and let loose right on my head!''
''That would sure mess up my day."
''Yeah, yeah, yeah, but do you know what REALLY REALLY REALLY pissed me off? When I looked down and saw that my feet were only SIX inches off the ground!'' =D
Frustrated Me !!
To
The President,
Baat ye hai ki paper dene ka koi tuk hi nahi banta!
Accha ye bata, kaun haramkhor paper set karta hai?
Kamine, Students ki jaan nikal jati hai malum tujhe!
Upar se saale paper checking to aise hoti hai jaise apni beti ke bhaag jane ka badla humse le rahe ho!!
Teri behen ya beti pe line humne maari thi kya????
Poore saal kitabon ko ratt ratt ke toh hum students ka baja baj jata hai,
Upar se aisa syllabus banaya hai jaise tumhare yahan toh sare toper paida hue hai..
Saale kabhi bahar mil tujhe btata hu..
Yours faithfuly,
Main pagal hu jo yaha apna naam likhun..;)
The President,
Baat ye hai ki paper dene ka koi tuk hi nahi banta!
Accha ye bata, kaun haramkhor paper set karta hai?
Kamine, Students ki jaan nikal jati hai malum tujhe!
Upar se saale paper checking to aise hoti hai jaise apni beti ke bhaag jane ka badla humse le rahe ho!!
Teri behen ya beti pe line humne maari thi kya????
Poore saal kitabon ko ratt ratt ke toh hum students ka baja baj jata hai,
Upar se aisa syllabus banaya hai jaise tumhare yahan toh sare toper paida hue hai..
Saale kabhi bahar mil tujhe btata hu..
Yours faithfuly,
Main pagal hu jo yaha apna naam likhun..;)
Ghosts !! :P
A professor at the University of Tennessee was giving a lecture on Paranormal Studies. To get a feel for his audience, he asks, 'How many people here believe in ghosts?'
About 90 students raise their hands.
Well, that's a good start. Out of those who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?'
About 40 students raise their hands.
That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?'
About 15 students raise their hand.
Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?'
Three students raise their hands.
That's fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further...Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?'
Way in the back, Ahmed raises his hand.
The professor takes off his glasses and says 'Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture; no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience.'
The Middle Eastern student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium.
When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, 'So, Ahmed, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?'
Ahmed replied, "Shit, from way back there I thought you said Goats."
:P
About 90 students raise their hands.
Well, that's a good start. Out of those who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?'
About 40 students raise their hands.
That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?'
About 15 students raise their hand.
Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?'
Three students raise their hands.
That's fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further...Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?'
Way in the back, Ahmed raises his hand.
The professor takes off his glasses and says 'Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture; no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience.'
The Middle Eastern student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium.
When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, 'So, Ahmed, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?'
Ahmed replied, "Shit, from way back there I thought you said Goats."
:P
3 old men !!
Three elderly golfers are walking down the fairway...."Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year-old, "You always feel like you have to pee. And most of the time, nothing happens!""Ah, that's nothing," said the 70-year-old. "When you're 70, you don't have a bowel movement anymore. You take laxatives, eat bran, you sit on the toilet all day and nothing happens.""Actually," said the 80-year-old, "Eighty is the worst age of all."
"Do you have trouble peeing too?" asked the 60-year-old.
"No, I pee every morning at 6.00 am. I pee like a racehorse; no problem at all.""Do you have trouble having a bowel movement?""No, I have one every morning at 6.30 am."
Puzzled with this the 60-year-old said, "Let's get this straight. You pee every morning at 6.00 am and poop every morning at 6.30 am. So what's so tough about being 80?""I don't wake up until 7 am!" :p :D :p
"Do you have trouble peeing too?" asked the 60-year-old.
"No, I pee every morning at 6.00 am. I pee like a racehorse; no problem at all.""Do you have trouble having a bowel movement?""No, I have one every morning at 6.30 am."
Puzzled with this the 60-year-old said, "Let's get this straight. You pee every morning at 6.00 am and poop every morning at 6.30 am. So what's so tough about being 80?""I don't wake up until 7 am!" :p :D :p
Naughty Student!!
A female teacher who all the class addresses as madam was havin a problem wit a boy in her class in 3rd grade. The boy said "Madam, i shd be in 4th grade, i'm smarter than my sister and she's in 4th grade". The Madam(teacher) had heard enough of d complain and took d boy 2 d principal's office. She explained evryfng 2 d principal who decided 2 test d boy wit sum questns that a 4th grade should know.
Principal: What is 3+3
Boy: 6
Principal: 6+6
Boy: 12
And so on,the principal asked d boy all questns and d boy got them right.The principal then told d Madam 2 send d boy to 4th grade. Madam decided 2 ask her questns and d principal agreed.
Madam: What does a cow have 4 of,that i've only 2 of
Boy: Legs
Madam: What is in ur pants that you've but i dnt have
Boy: pockets
Madam: What starts wit a C and ends wit T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid
Boy: Coconut
Madam: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky
The principal's eyes open really wide,bt b4 he could stop d answer, the boy was takin charge
Boy: Bubble gum
Madam: You stick ur poles inside me. You tie me down 2 get me up, I get wet b4 u do
Boy: Tent
The principal was lookin restless
Madam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle wit me wen u're bored. The best man always has me 1st
Boy: Weddin ring
Madam: I come in many sizes. Wen i'm nt well, i drip. Wen u blow me,you feel gud
Boy: Nose
Madam: I've a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates,I come wit a quiver
Boy: Arrow
Madam: What starts wit 'F' and ends wit a 'K' and if u dnt get it, u've 2 use ur hand
Boy: Fork
Madam: What is it that all men ve,it's longer in sum men than others,the Pope doesn't use his and a man gives it 2 his wife after marriage
Boy: surname
Madam: What part of d man has no bone but has muscles wit a lot of veins like pumpin and is responsible 4 makin luv
Boy: Heart
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said 2 d Madam 'Send the boy 2 d University,I got the last ten questions wrong!!!;)
Principal: What is 3+3
Boy: 6
Principal: 6+6
Boy: 12
And so on,the principal asked d boy all questns and d boy got them right.The principal then told d Madam 2 send d boy to 4th grade. Madam decided 2 ask her questns and d principal agreed.
Madam: What does a cow have 4 of,that i've only 2 of
Boy: Legs
Madam: What is in ur pants that you've but i dnt have
Boy: pockets
Madam: What starts wit a C and ends wit T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid
Boy: Coconut
Madam: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky
The principal's eyes open really wide,bt b4 he could stop d answer, the boy was takin charge
Boy: Bubble gum
Madam: You stick ur poles inside me. You tie me down 2 get me up, I get wet b4 u do
Boy: Tent
The principal was lookin restless
Madam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle wit me wen u're bored. The best man always has me 1st
Boy: Weddin ring
Madam: I come in many sizes. Wen i'm nt well, i drip. Wen u blow me,you feel gud
Boy: Nose
Madam: I've a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates,I come wit a quiver
Boy: Arrow
Madam: What starts wit 'F' and ends wit a 'K' and if u dnt get it, u've 2 use ur hand
Boy: Fork
Madam: What is it that all men ve,it's longer in sum men than others,the Pope doesn't use his and a man gives it 2 his wife after marriage
Boy: surname
Madam: What part of d man has no bone but has muscles wit a lot of veins like pumpin and is responsible 4 makin luv
Boy: Heart
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said 2 d Madam 'Send the boy 2 d University,I got the last ten questions wrong!!!;)
Scotland's Cow :P
The only cow in a small town in Ireland stopped giving milk. The town folk found they could buy a cow in Scotland quite cheaply. They brought the cow from Scotland . It was wonderful, produced lots of milk every day and everyone was happy. They bought a bull to mate with the cow to get more cows, so they'd never have to worry about their milk supply again. They put the bull in the pasture with the cow but whenever the bull tried to mount the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he was never able to do the deed.
The people were very upset and decided to go to the Vet, who was very wise, tell him what was happening and ask his advice."Whenever the bull tries to mount our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. If he attempts from the one side, she walks away ta the otherside."
The Vet rubbed his chin thoughtfully and pondered this before asking,"Did ya by chance, buy this cow in Scotland?"
The people were dumbfounded, since no one had ever mentioned that they had brought the cow over from Scotland . "Ya are truly a wise Vet", they said.
How did ya know we got the cow from Scotland?
The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye: "My wife is from Scotland"
The people were very upset and decided to go to the Vet, who was very wise, tell him what was happening and ask his advice."Whenever the bull tries to mount our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. If he attempts from the one side, she walks away ta the otherside."
The Vet rubbed his chin thoughtfully and pondered this before asking,"Did ya by chance, buy this cow in Scotland?"
The people were dumbfounded, since no one had ever mentioned that they had brought the cow over from Scotland . "Ya are truly a wise Vet", they said.
How did ya know we got the cow from Scotland?
The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye: "My wife is from Scotland"
A Mgmt. Lesson
Women Friends chatting in office..
Woman 1: I had a fine evening, how was yours?
Woman 2: It was a disaster. My husband came home, ate his dinner, had sex for three minutes and he fell asleep in two minutes. How was yours?
Woman 1: Oh it was amazing! My husband came home and took me out to a romantic dinner. After dinner we walked for an hour. When we came home he lit the candles around the house, had passionate sex for like an hour and then talked for an hour. It was like a fairy tale!
At the same time, their husbands are talking at work
Husband 1: How was your evening?
Husband 2: Great. I came home, dinner was on the table, I ate, screwed my wife and fell asleep. It was great! What about you?
Husband 1: It was horrible. I came home, there's no dinner because they cut the electricity because I hadn't paid the bill; so I had to take my wife out to dinner which was so expensive that I didn't have money left for a cab. We had to walk home which took an hour; and when we got home remember there was no electricity so I had to light candles all over the house! I had sex with her which prolonged cuz I wasn't able to Cum.. After all, I was so aggravated that I couldn't fall asleep and my wife was jabbering away for another hour!
Moral: Presentation does matter. No matter what the reality is.
Woman 1: I had a fine evening, how was yours?
Woman 2: It was a disaster. My husband came home, ate his dinner, had sex for three minutes and he fell asleep in two minutes. How was yours?
Woman 1: Oh it was amazing! My husband came home and took me out to a romantic dinner. After dinner we walked for an hour. When we came home he lit the candles around the house, had passionate sex for like an hour and then talked for an hour. It was like a fairy tale!
At the same time, their husbands are talking at work
Husband 1: How was your evening?
Husband 2: Great. I came home, dinner was on the table, I ate, screwed my wife and fell asleep. It was great! What about you?
Husband 1: It was horrible. I came home, there's no dinner because they cut the electricity because I hadn't paid the bill; so I had to take my wife out to dinner which was so expensive that I didn't have money left for a cab. We had to walk home which took an hour; and when we got home remember there was no electricity so I had to light candles all over the house! I had sex with her which prolonged cuz I wasn't able to Cum.. After all, I was so aggravated that I couldn't fall asleep and my wife was jabbering away for another hour!
Moral: Presentation does matter. No matter what the reality is.
Digging For Gold
A Husband and Wife, both were very happy over the twelve pound baby boy that was born to them. Mr. Brown who could not conceal his delight, called up the editor of a famous newspaper and reported that he became the proud owner of a twelve pound nugget of gold.
The editor upon hearing the seemingly extraordinary news was rather hesitant to accept it at its face value. So he sent his star reporter to interview Mr. Brown.
When the reporter came, Mr Brown was away and his wife was alone at home. The following interesting conversation took place between the reporter and Mrs. Brown
Reporter : Does Mr. Brown Live here?
Mrs. Brown : Oh! Yes.
Reporter : Is he in?
Mrs. Brown : Why no, he went somewhere.
Reporter : Is it true that he owns a twelve pound nugget of gold?
Mrs. Brown : (Seeing the joke) Yes, indeed.
Reporter : Can I see the place where he found it?
Mrs. Brown : I am afraid, not because Mr. Brown objects in as much as it is strictly private.
Reporter : Is the place far?
Mrs. Brown : No, it is quite near and convenient.
Reporter : How many years has Mr. Brown been digging the hole?
Mrs. Brown : Just for about ten months.
Reporter : Is the hole deep?
Mrs. Brown : Quite so...
Reporter : Has Mr. Brown reached the bottom of it?
Mrs. Brown : Not yet, but he is coming near...
Reporter : At about what time does Mr. Brown starts digging?
Mrs. Brown : Oh, he does his digging mostly at night.
Reporter : Does he work hard on it?
Mrs. Brown : You bet...........and how he perspires.
Reporter : Is Mr. Brown the first to dig?
Mrs. Brown : He thought he was...
Reporter : How do you know there was someone ahead of him?
Mrs. Brown : I am in a good position to say so, because I own the place.
Reporter : Oh, I see, but you sold the place to Mr. Brown?
Mrs. Brown : No, but for the present, he has the legal title to the site, with my consent.
Reporter : Has Mr. Brown any helper when he works on the claim?
Mrs. Brown : Yes, I work under him..
Reporter : When do you think Mr. Brown will sell the place?
Mrs. Brown : I think not because he enjoys working on it.
Reporter : Can I see the twelve pound nugget of gold?
Mrs. Brown : Yes, certainly (and she showed him the twelve pound baby boy).
P.S.: The reporter collapsed and had to be taken to the hospital in an ambulance
The editor upon hearing the seemingly extraordinary news was rather hesitant to accept it at its face value. So he sent his star reporter to interview Mr. Brown.
When the reporter came, Mr Brown was away and his wife was alone at home. The following interesting conversation took place between the reporter and Mrs. Brown
Reporter : Does Mr. Brown Live here?
Mrs. Brown : Oh! Yes.
Reporter : Is he in?
Mrs. Brown : Why no, he went somewhere.
Reporter : Is it true that he owns a twelve pound nugget of gold?
Mrs. Brown : (Seeing the joke) Yes, indeed.
Reporter : Can I see the place where he found it?
Mrs. Brown : I am afraid, not because Mr. Brown objects in as much as it is strictly private.
Reporter : Is the place far?
Mrs. Brown : No, it is quite near and convenient.
Reporter : How many years has Mr. Brown been digging the hole?
Mrs. Brown : Just for about ten months.
Reporter : Is the hole deep?
Mrs. Brown : Quite so...
Reporter : Has Mr. Brown reached the bottom of it?
Mrs. Brown : Not yet, but he is coming near...
Reporter : At about what time does Mr. Brown starts digging?
Mrs. Brown : Oh, he does his digging mostly at night.
Reporter : Does he work hard on it?
Mrs. Brown : You bet...........and how he perspires.
Reporter : Is Mr. Brown the first to dig?
Mrs. Brown : He thought he was...
Reporter : How do you know there was someone ahead of him?
Mrs. Brown : I am in a good position to say so, because I own the place.
Reporter : Oh, I see, but you sold the place to Mr. Brown?
Mrs. Brown : No, but for the present, he has the legal title to the site, with my consent.
Reporter : Has Mr. Brown any helper when he works on the claim?
Mrs. Brown : Yes, I work under him..
Reporter : When do you think Mr. Brown will sell the place?
Mrs. Brown : I think not because he enjoys working on it.
Reporter : Can I see the twelve pound nugget of gold?
Mrs. Brown : Yes, certainly (and she showed him the twelve pound baby boy).
P.S.: The reporter collapsed and had to be taken to the hospital in an ambulance
The Father's Take !!
An 18 year old girl tells her Mom that she is pregnant.
Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, 'who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!' The girl picks up the phone and makes a call.
Half an hour later, a Ferrari stops in front of their house. A mature and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of the Ferrari and enters the house.
He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them: 'Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take charge. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life.
Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath a Ferrari, a beach house, 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beachfront villa, and a $2,000,000 bank account.
If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $4,000,000 bank account.
If twins, they will receive a factory and $2,000,000 each.
However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?'
At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him, 'You f**k her again' !!!!!!! LOL =D
Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, 'who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!' The girl picks up the phone and makes a call.
Half an hour later, a Ferrari stops in front of their house. A mature and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of the Ferrari and enters the house.
He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them: 'Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take charge. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life.
Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath a Ferrari, a beach house, 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beachfront villa, and a $2,000,000 bank account.
If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $4,000,000 bank account.
If twins, they will receive a factory and $2,000,000 each.
However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?'
At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him, 'You f**k her again' !!!!!!! LOL =D
Brian- The Hen
After a night of drinking, Brian crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep.
He gave her a peck on the cheek and fell asleep. When he awoke he found a strange
man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white robe.
"Who the hell are you?" demanded Brian, "and what are you doing in my bedroom?"
The mysterious Man answered, "This isn't your bedroom and I'm St. Peter".
Brian was stunned, "You mean I'm dead!!! That can't be, I have so much too live for,
I haven't said goodbye to my family.... you've got to send me back right away".
St Peter replied, "Yes, you can be reincarnated but there is a catch.
We can only send you back as a dog or a hen."
Brian was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not far from his house, he asked to be sent back as a hen. A flash of light later, he was covered in feathers and clucking around pecking the ground.
"This ain't so bad" he thought until he felt this strange feeling welling up inside him.
The farmyard rooster strolled over and said, "So you're the new hen, how are you enjoying your first day here?"
"It's not so bad," replies Brian, "but I have this strange feeling inside like I'm about to explode".
"You're ovulating," explained the rooster, "don't tell me you've never laid an egg before."
"Never," replies Brian. "Well just relax and let it happen."
And so he did, and after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg pops out from under his
tail. An immense feeling of relief swept over him and his emotions got the better of him as
he experienced motherhood for the first time. When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that had happened to him ..ever!!!
The joy kept coming and as he was just about to lay his third egg he felt an enormous smack on the back of his head and heard his wife shouting,
"Brian, wake up you drunken dog, you r shitting in bed" :P
He gave her a peck on the cheek and fell asleep. When he awoke he found a strange
man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white robe.
"Who the hell are you?" demanded Brian, "and what are you doing in my bedroom?"
The mysterious Man answered, "This isn't your bedroom and I'm St. Peter".
Brian was stunned, "You mean I'm dead!!! That can't be, I have so much too live for,
I haven't said goodbye to my family.... you've got to send me back right away".
St Peter replied, "Yes, you can be reincarnated but there is a catch.
We can only send you back as a dog or a hen."
Brian was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not far from his house, he asked to be sent back as a hen. A flash of light later, he was covered in feathers and clucking around pecking the ground.
"This ain't so bad" he thought until he felt this strange feeling welling up inside him.
The farmyard rooster strolled over and said, "So you're the new hen, how are you enjoying your first day here?"
"It's not so bad," replies Brian, "but I have this strange feeling inside like I'm about to explode".
"You're ovulating," explained the rooster, "don't tell me you've never laid an egg before."
"Never," replies Brian. "Well just relax and let it happen."
And so he did, and after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg pops out from under his
tail. An immense feeling of relief swept over him and his emotions got the better of him as
he experienced motherhood for the first time. When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that had happened to him ..ever!!!
The joy kept coming and as he was just about to lay his third egg he felt an enormous smack on the back of his head and heard his wife shouting,
"Brian, wake up you drunken dog, you r shitting in bed" :P
Sales !!
Ek Shopping Mall ne naya Marwadi Baniya Salesman "hire" kiya.
"Sale" badhne lagi... Din dugni, raat chauguni....
Boss ne socha is ladke se milna chahiye.
Boss Mall par aaya, usne dekha ladka ek customer ko fishing-rod bech raha tha.
Woh door khada ho kar hi usko customer se deal karte dekhne laga.
Ladke ne fishing-rod bech di..
Customer ne kaha kitne rupaye, ladka bola "Rs.800/-".
Yeh kahkar ladke ne customer ke Shoes dekhe aur bola,
"Itne Mehange shoes pahankar
fishing karne jayenge?
Ek Sport shoe bhi kharid lijiye,"
Customer ne sport shoes bhi kharid liye !!
Ab ladke ne kaha,
" Dariya kinare dhoop mein baithna padega, ek cap bhi kharid lijiye to theek rehega, customer ne cap bhi kharid li.!
Ab ladke ne kaha, machli pakadne mein
bahut intezar karna padega,
kuchh eatables, wafer, biscuits, bhi le jayiye, customer ne woh bhi kharid liye....!
Ladka bola,"Machli pakdenge to rakhenge kahan ? "
Yeh ek Rs.100/- ki basket bhi le lijiye,
Customer ne woh bhi kharid li..!!
Ab total bill bana Rs.2000/- ka.
Boss bahut khush hua.
Usne ladke ko bulaya aur kaha,
"tum to kamal ke salesman ho. ..!!
Woh aadmi fishing rod kharidane ayaa...
aur tumane usey itna sara samaan bech diya, very good..!! "
Ladka bola..
"Sir, woh aadmi toh "Whisper" kharidne aayaa tha apni biwi ke liye, maine kaha, "char din tu ghar par kya karega Dhakkan ?
Ja Machhli Pakad !! :P
"Sale" badhne lagi... Din dugni, raat chauguni....
Boss ne socha is ladke se milna chahiye.
Boss Mall par aaya, usne dekha ladka ek customer ko fishing-rod bech raha tha.
Woh door khada ho kar hi usko customer se deal karte dekhne laga.
Ladke ne fishing-rod bech di..
Customer ne kaha kitne rupaye, ladka bola "Rs.800/-".
Yeh kahkar ladke ne customer ke Shoes dekhe aur bola,
"Itne Mehange shoes pahankar
fishing karne jayenge?
Ek Sport shoe bhi kharid lijiye,"
Customer ne sport shoes bhi kharid liye !!
Ab ladke ne kaha,
" Dariya kinare dhoop mein baithna padega, ek cap bhi kharid lijiye to theek rehega, customer ne cap bhi kharid li.!
Ab ladke ne kaha, machli pakadne mein
bahut intezar karna padega,
kuchh eatables, wafer, biscuits, bhi le jayiye, customer ne woh bhi kharid liye....!
Ladka bola,"Machli pakdenge to rakhenge kahan ? "
Yeh ek Rs.100/- ki basket bhi le lijiye,
Customer ne woh bhi kharid li..!!
Ab total bill bana Rs.2000/- ka.
Boss bahut khush hua.
Usne ladke ko bulaya aur kaha,
"tum to kamal ke salesman ho. ..!!
Woh aadmi fishing rod kharidane ayaa...
aur tumane usey itna sara samaan bech diya, very good..!! "
Ladka bola..
"Sir, woh aadmi toh "Whisper" kharidne aayaa tha apni biwi ke liye, maine kaha, "char din tu ghar par kya karega Dhakkan ?
Ja Machhli Pakad !! :P
Wise Monkey !!
A guy walks into a bar and has his monkey with him The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them.
Then he grabs some sliced limes and eats them.
He then jumps onto the pool table and grabs one of the balls. To everyone's amazement, he sticks it in his mouth, and somehow swallows it whole.
The bartender looks at the guy and says, "Did you see what your monkey just did?"
"No, what?"
"He just ate the cue ball off my pool table... whole!"
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy, "he eats everything in sight. Don't worry, I'll pay for the cue ball."
The guy finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the monkey ate and leaves.
Two weeks later the guy is back, and has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar.
The monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it.
Then the monkey finds a peanut, and again sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it.
Every1 saw da monkey stuck both a maraschino cherry and a peanut up his butt, pulling them out, and eating them!
Replied the guy. "Relax, He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he had to shit that cue ball out, he measures everything first now.
Then he grabs some sliced limes and eats them.
He then jumps onto the pool table and grabs one of the balls. To everyone's amazement, he sticks it in his mouth, and somehow swallows it whole.
The bartender looks at the guy and says, "Did you see what your monkey just did?"
"No, what?"
"He just ate the cue ball off my pool table... whole!"
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy, "he eats everything in sight. Don't worry, I'll pay for the cue ball."
The guy finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the monkey ate and leaves.
Two weeks later the guy is back, and has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar.
The monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it.
Then the monkey finds a peanut, and again sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it.
Every1 saw da monkey stuck both a maraschino cherry and a peanut up his butt, pulling them out, and eating them!
Replied the guy. "Relax, He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he had to shit that cue ball out, he measures everything first now.
3 Accidents !!
One morning at a doctors clinic a patient arrives complaining of serious back-pain.
The doctor examines him and asks him" OK, what happened to your back?"
The patient replies "You know that I work for a local night club? This morning I got home to my apartment early and heard a noise in my bedroom. On entering I knew someone had been with my wife and the balcony door was open. I rushed out the balcony door and did not find anyone. As I looked down from the balcony I saw a man running out and he was dressing himself. I grabbed the fridge and threw it at him,That's how I strained my back"
Suddenly a 2nd patient arrives looking as if he has been in a car wreck.
The doctor said "My previous patient looked bad, but you look terrible. What the hell happened to you?"
He replied, "You know I have been unemployed for a while now .Today was the first day at my new job. I forgot to set my alarm and was running late. I was running out of the building, getting dressed at the same time, and you won't believe it but I was hit by a fridge."
A 3rd patient arrives; he looks even worse than the other two patients do.
The doctor is shocked. Again asks, "What the hell happened to youuuuuu.....?"
"Well I was sitting in a fridge & some mother f*cker threw it from the 3rd floor
The doctor examines him and asks him" OK, what happened to your back?"
The patient replies "You know that I work for a local night club? This morning I got home to my apartment early and heard a noise in my bedroom. On entering I knew someone had been with my wife and the balcony door was open. I rushed out the balcony door and did not find anyone. As I looked down from the balcony I saw a man running out and he was dressing himself. I grabbed the fridge and threw it at him,That's how I strained my back"
Suddenly a 2nd patient arrives looking as if he has been in a car wreck.
The doctor said "My previous patient looked bad, but you look terrible. What the hell happened to you?"
He replied, "You know I have been unemployed for a while now .Today was the first day at my new job. I forgot to set my alarm and was running late. I was running out of the building, getting dressed at the same time, and you won't believe it but I was hit by a fridge."
A 3rd patient arrives; he looks even worse than the other two patients do.
The doctor is shocked. Again asks, "What the hell happened to youuuuuu.....?"
"Well I was sitting in a fridge & some mother f*cker threw it from the 3rd floor
Mgmt. Lesson !!
A woman in a hot air balloon realised she was lost. She reduced altitude and spotted a man below. She descended a bit more and shouted: "'Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am".
The man below replied "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude".
"You must be an Engineer" said the balloonist. "I am" replied the man "how did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist,
"Everything you have told me is probably technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information and the fact is, I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip with your talk."
The man below responded "You must be an MBA". "I am" replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well," said the man "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fucking fault.
The man below replied "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude".
"You must be an Engineer" said the balloonist. "I am" replied the man "how did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist,
"Everything you have told me is probably technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information and the fact is, I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip with your talk."
The man below responded "You must be an MBA". "I am" replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well," said the man "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fucking fault.
Pay Attention !!
1st year students of MBBS were attending their 1st anatomy class.
They all gathered around a surgery table with a real dead dog.
The Professor started class by telling 2 important qualities as a Doctor.
The 1st is that NEVER BE
DISGUSTED REGARDING ANYTHING ABOUT BODY,e.g. He inserted a finger in dog's ass hole & on drawing back, put his finger in his own mouth.
Then he told them to do the same.The students hesitated for several minutes.
But eventually everyone inserted their fingers in dog's ass hole & then tasted it.
When everyone finished,
The Professor looked at them and said:
The most important 2nd quality is OBSERVATION, I inserted my Middle finger but tasted the Index finger. Now learn to pay attention. :P
They all gathered around a surgery table with a real dead dog.
The Professor started class by telling 2 important qualities as a Doctor.
The 1st is that NEVER BE
DISGUSTED REGARDING ANYTHING ABOUT BODY,e.g. He inserted a finger in dog's ass hole & on drawing back, put his finger in his own mouth.
Then he told them to do the same.The students hesitated for several minutes.
But eventually everyone inserted their fingers in dog's ass hole & then tasted it.
When everyone finished,
The Professor looked at them and said:
The most important 2nd quality is OBSERVATION, I inserted my Middle finger but tasted the Index finger. Now learn to pay attention. :P
Expert !!
A Sardar went hunting one day in Ontario and bagged three ducks.He put them in the bed of his pickup truck and was about to drive home when he was confronted by a game warden who didn't like Sardars.The game warden ordered the Sardar to show his hunting license, and the Sardar pulled out a valid Ontario hunting license.The game warden looked at the license, then reached over and picked up one of the ducks, sniffed its butt, and said, "This duck ain't from Ontario.This is a Quebec duck. You got a Quebec huntin' license, boy?"
The Sardar reached into his wallet and produced a Quebec hunting license.The game warden looked at it, then reached over and grabbed the second duck, sniffed its butt, and said "This ain't no Quebec duck.This duck's from Manitoba. You got a Manitoba license?"The sardar reached into his wallet and produced a Manitoba hunting license.
The warden then reached over and picked up the third duck, sniffed its butt, and said,"This ain't no Manitoba duck. This here duck's from Nova Scotia. You got a Nova Scotia huntin' license?"
Again the Sardar reached into his wallet and brought out a Nova Scotia hunting license.The game warden was extremely frustrated at this point, and he yelled at the Sardar "Just where the hell are you from?"The Sardar smiled turned around, bent over, dropped his pants, and said,"You tell me, you're the expert.
The Sardar reached into his wallet and produced a Quebec hunting license.The game warden looked at it, then reached over and grabbed the second duck, sniffed its butt, and said "This ain't no Quebec duck.This duck's from Manitoba. You got a Manitoba license?"The sardar reached into his wallet and produced a Manitoba hunting license.
The warden then reached over and picked up the third duck, sniffed its butt, and said,"This ain't no Manitoba duck. This here duck's from Nova Scotia. You got a Nova Scotia huntin' license?"
Again the Sardar reached into his wallet and brought out a Nova Scotia hunting license.The game warden was extremely frustrated at this point, and he yelled at the Sardar "Just where the hell are you from?"The Sardar smiled turned around, bent over, dropped his pants, and said,"You tell me, you're the expert.
Men Will Be Men !!
An Attractive Blonde from Ireland arrived at the Casino.
She seemed a little intoxicated & bet 20,000 Euros on a Single Roll of Dice.
She said: I hope U don't mind but I feel much Luckier when I'm completely Nude.
With that, She Stripped from the neck down, Rolled the dice & with an Irish Brogue Yelled: Come on, baby, Mama needs New Clothes!
As the Dice came to a stop, She Jumped Up & Down & Squealed: YES! YES! I WON, I WON!
She hugged each of the Dealers & then Picked up her Winnings & her Clothes & Quickly Departed.
The Dealers Stared at each other dumbfounded.
Finally, One of them asked: What did She Roll?
The other answered: I don't know - I thought U were Watching!
MORAL OF THE STORY:
Not all Irish are Drunks,
Not all Blondes are Dumb,
But..
Men...are Men..!!
:P
She seemed a little intoxicated & bet 20,000 Euros on a Single Roll of Dice.
She said: I hope U don't mind but I feel much Luckier when I'm completely Nude.
With that, She Stripped from the neck down, Rolled the dice & with an Irish Brogue Yelled: Come on, baby, Mama needs New Clothes!
As the Dice came to a stop, She Jumped Up & Down & Squealed: YES! YES! I WON, I WON!
She hugged each of the Dealers & then Picked up her Winnings & her Clothes & Quickly Departed.
The Dealers Stared at each other dumbfounded.
Finally, One of them asked: What did She Roll?
The other answered: I don't know - I thought U were Watching!
MORAL OF THE STORY:
Not all Irish are Drunks,
Not all Blondes are Dumb,
But..
Men...are Men..!!
:P
Poor Dave ;)
A wife decides to take her husband to a strip club for his birthday.
They arrive at the club and the doorman says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doin'?"
His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.
"Oh, no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team."
When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.
His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says,"How did she know that you drink Budweiser?"
"She's in the Ladies' Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them."
A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave, and says "Hi Davey. Want your usual table dance, big boy?"
Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.
Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in the book.
The cabby turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight, Dave." :D :D
They arrive at the club and the doorman says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doin'?"
His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.
"Oh, no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team."
When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.
His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says,"How did she know that you drink Budweiser?"
"She's in the Ladies' Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them."
A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave, and says "Hi Davey. Want your usual table dance, big boy?"
Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.
Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in the book.
The cabby turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight, Dave." :D :D
Revenge !!
A newly wed couple r out at a bar havin a drink on their honeymoon. The wife offers to make her husb a drink n asks the bartender fr a salt shaker, a shot of Baileys and a shot of lime juice.
She then asks her husb to first put some salt in his mouth, thn immediately take the shot of Baileys with the shot of lime juice n hold it n count to 3 before drinking it down.
The husb does that n within 1 sec a sharp taste of lime and salt hits him. In 2 secs the Baileys curdles & in 3 secs, his mouth is filled wth a salty mucous-like sour subst.
This triggers a gag reflex in him, but tryin to be manly he swallows the now foul tasting drink & smiles and says to his wife: "Great Stuff! What the fuck do you call that drink you made me have?"
Wife: "Blow Job Revenge"
She then asks her husb to first put some salt in his mouth, thn immediately take the shot of Baileys with the shot of lime juice n hold it n count to 3 before drinking it down.
The husb does that n within 1 sec a sharp taste of lime and salt hits him. In 2 secs the Baileys curdles & in 3 secs, his mouth is filled wth a salty mucous-like sour subst.
This triggers a gag reflex in him, but tryin to be manly he swallows the now foul tasting drink & smiles and says to his wife: "Great Stuff! What the fuck do you call that drink you made me have?"
Wife: "Blow Job Revenge"
Lesson For Bachelor Guys !! :P
To all the married men.... N to the one who are planning to get married...... =))
A marriage story: A newly wed couple had only been married for two weeks.
The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies.
So, he said to his new wife, 'Honey, I'll be right back.''
'Where are you going, coochy cooh?' Asked the wife.
"I'm going to the bar, pretty face. I'm going to have a beer." Replied the husband.
The wife said, 'You want a beer, my love?' She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer brands from 12 different countries: Germany , Holland , Japan , India ,etc
The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, "Yes, lolly pop...but at the bar... you know... they have frozen glasses...".He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying,'You want a frozen glass, puppy face?' She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.
The husband, looking a bit pale, said, "Yes, tootsie roll, but at the Bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious... I won't be long, I'll be right back. I promise. OK?"
'You want hors d'oeuvres, poochi pooh?' She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, pork strips, etc.
"But my sweet honey... At the bar... You know... there's swearing, dirty words and all that...''
'You want dirty words,
Dickhead? Drink your fucking beer in your goddamn frozen mug and eat your mother fucking snacks, because you are Married now, and you aren't fucking going anywhere!! =)
A marriage story: A newly wed couple had only been married for two weeks.
The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies.
So, he said to his new wife, 'Honey, I'll be right back.''
'Where are you going, coochy cooh?' Asked the wife.
"I'm going to the bar, pretty face. I'm going to have a beer." Replied the husband.
The wife said, 'You want a beer, my love?' She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer brands from 12 different countries: Germany , Holland , Japan , India ,etc
The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, "Yes, lolly pop...but at the bar... you know... they have frozen glasses...".He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying,'You want a frozen glass, puppy face?' She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.
The husband, looking a bit pale, said, "Yes, tootsie roll, but at the Bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious... I won't be long, I'll be right back. I promise. OK?"
'You want hors d'oeuvres, poochi pooh?' She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, pork strips, etc.
"But my sweet honey... At the bar... You know... there's swearing, dirty words and all that...''
'You want dirty words,
Dickhead? Drink your fucking beer in your goddamn frozen mug and eat your mother fucking snacks, because you are Married now, and you aren't fucking going anywhere!! =)
The Jar Story...
When things in your life seem, almost too much to handle,
When 24 Hours in a day is not enough,
Remember the jar story and 2 cups of coffee.
A professor stood before his philosophy class
And had some items in front of him.
When the class began, wordlessly,
He picked up a very large and empty jar
And proceeded to fill it with golf balls.
He then asked the students, if the jar was full.
They agreed that it was.
The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured
Them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly.
The pebbles rolled into the open Areas between the golf balls.
He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it
was.
The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar.
Of course, the sand filled up everything else.
He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a
unanimous 'yes.'
The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table
and
poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively
Filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.
'Now,' said the professor, as the laughter subsided,
'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.
The golf balls are the important things - family,
Children, health, Friends, and Favorite passions -
Things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, Your
life
would still be full.
The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, house, and
car.
The sand is everything else --The small stuff.
'If you put the sand into the jar first,' He continued,
There is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.
The same goes for life.
If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff,
You will never have room for the things that are important to you.
So...
Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.
Play With your children.
Take time to get medical checkups.
Take your partner out to dinner.
There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal.
'Take care of the golf balls first --
The things that really matter.
Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.'
One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee
represented.
The professor smiled.
'I'm glad you asked'.
It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem,
there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend.
:)
P.S. Personally I couldn't have read it at more apt time than this.
When 24 Hours in a day is not enough,
Remember the jar story and 2 cups of coffee.
A professor stood before his philosophy class
And had some items in front of him.
When the class began, wordlessly,
He picked up a very large and empty jar
And proceeded to fill it with golf balls.
He then asked the students, if the jar was full.
They agreed that it was.
The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured
Them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly.
The pebbles rolled into the open Areas between the golf balls.
He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it
was.
The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar.
Of course, the sand filled up everything else.
He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a
unanimous 'yes.'
The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table
and
poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively
Filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.
'Now,' said the professor, as the laughter subsided,
'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.
The golf balls are the important things - family,
Children, health, Friends, and Favorite passions -
Things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, Your
life
would still be full.
The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, house, and
car.
The sand is everything else --The small stuff.
'If you put the sand into the jar first,' He continued,
There is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.
The same goes for life.
If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff,
You will never have room for the things that are important to you.
So...
Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.
Play With your children.
Take time to get medical checkups.
Take your partner out to dinner.
There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal.
'Take care of the golf balls first --
The things that really matter.
Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.'
One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee
represented.
The professor smiled.
'I'm glad you asked'.
It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem,
there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend.
:)
P.S. Personally I couldn't have read it at more apt time than this.
Heart-Melting
You think it's my personal interest outta which I'm sayin this or outta my emotions.. But this does make a lotta sense..
Personlly I haven't seen a single person in my life who has done a gud thing after drinking.. That is the reason I don't drink!!
Worth Reading----------
A women was narrating this story--------------
"I was walking around in a Big Bazar store buying my usual stuff, when I saw a Cashier talking to a boy whose age couldn't have been more than 5 or 6 years old.
The Cashier said, 'I'm sorry, but you don't have enough money to buy this doll. Then the little boy turned to me and asked: ''aunty, are you sure I don't have enough money?''
I counted his cash and replied: ''You know that you don't have enough money to buy the doll, my dear.'' The little boy was still holding the doll in his hand.
Finally, I walked toward him and I asked him who he wished to give this doll to. 'It's the doll that my sister loved most and wanted so much . I wanted to Gift her for her BIRTHDAY.
I have to give the doll to my mommy so that she can give it to my sister when she goes there.' His eyes were so sad while saying this. 'My Sister has gone to be with God. Daddy says that Mommy is going to see God very soon too, so I thought that she could take the doll with her to give it to my sister..''
My heart nearly stopped. The little boy looked up at me and said: 'I told dad dy to tell mommy not to go yet. I need her to wait until I come back from the mall.' Then he showed me a very nice photo of him where he was laughing. He then told me 'I want mommy to take my picture with her so my sister won't forget me.' 'I love my mommy and I wish she doesn't have to leave me, but daddy says that she has to go to be with my little sister.' Then he looked again at the doll with sad eyes, very quietly..
I quickly reached for my wallet and said to the boy. 'Suppose we check again, just in case you do have enough money for the doll?''
'OK' he said, 'I hope I do have enough.' I added some of my money to his with out him seeing and we started to count it. There was enough for the doll and even some spare money.
The little boy said: 'Thank you God for giving me enough money!'
Then he looked at me and added, 'I asked last night before I went to sleep for God to make sure I had enough money to buy this doll, so that mommy could give It to my sister. He heard me!'' 'I also wanted to have enough money to buy a white rose for my mommy, but I didn't dare to ask God for too much. But He gave me enough to buy the doll and a white rose. My mommy loves white roses.'
I finished my shopping in a totally different state from when I started. I couldn't get the little boy out of my mind.
Then I remembered a local news paper article two days ago, which mentioned a drunk man in a truck, who hit a car occupied by a young woman and a little girl. The little girl died right away, and the mother was left in a critical state. The family had to decide whether to pull the plug on the life-sustaining machine, because the young woman would not be able to recover from the coma. Was this the family of the little boy?
Two days after this encounter with the little boy, I read in the news paper that the young woman had passed away.. I couldn't stop myself as I bought a bunch of white roses and I went to the funeral home where the body of the young woman was exposed for people to see and make last wishes before her burial. She was there, in her coffin, holding a beautiful white rose in her hand with the photo of the little boy and the doll placed over her chest.. I left the place, teary-eyed, feeling that my life had been changed for ever.
The love that the little boy had for his mother and his sister is still, to this day, hard to imagine. And in a fraction of a second, a drunk driver had taken all this away from him.
Please DO NOT DRINK & DRIVE.
Personlly I haven't seen a single person in my life who has done a gud thing after drinking.. That is the reason I don't drink!!
Worth Reading----------
A women was narrating this story--------------
"I was walking around in a Big Bazar store buying my usual stuff, when I saw a Cashier talking to a boy whose age couldn't have been more than 5 or 6 years old.
The Cashier said, 'I'm sorry, but you don't have enough money to buy this doll. Then the little boy turned to me and asked: ''aunty, are you sure I don't have enough money?''
I counted his cash and replied: ''You know that you don't have enough money to buy the doll, my dear.'' The little boy was still holding the doll in his hand.
Finally, I walked toward him and I asked him who he wished to give this doll to. 'It's the doll that my sister loved most and wanted so much . I wanted to Gift her for her BIRTHDAY.
I have to give the doll to my mommy so that she can give it to my sister when she goes there.' His eyes were so sad while saying this. 'My Sister has gone to be with God. Daddy says that Mommy is going to see God very soon too, so I thought that she could take the doll with her to give it to my sister..''
My heart nearly stopped. The little boy looked up at me and said: 'I told dad dy to tell mommy not to go yet. I need her to wait until I come back from the mall.' Then he showed me a very nice photo of him where he was laughing. He then told me 'I want mommy to take my picture with her so my sister won't forget me.' 'I love my mommy and I wish she doesn't have to leave me, but daddy says that she has to go to be with my little sister.' Then he looked again at the doll with sad eyes, very quietly..
I quickly reached for my wallet and said to the boy. 'Suppose we check again, just in case you do have enough money for the doll?''
'OK' he said, 'I hope I do have enough.' I added some of my money to his with out him seeing and we started to count it. There was enough for the doll and even some spare money.
The little boy said: 'Thank you God for giving me enough money!'
Then he looked at me and added, 'I asked last night before I went to sleep for God to make sure I had enough money to buy this doll, so that mommy could give It to my sister. He heard me!'' 'I also wanted to have enough money to buy a white rose for my mommy, but I didn't dare to ask God for too much. But He gave me enough to buy the doll and a white rose. My mommy loves white roses.'
I finished my shopping in a totally different state from when I started. I couldn't get the little boy out of my mind.
Then I remembered a local news paper article two days ago, which mentioned a drunk man in a truck, who hit a car occupied by a young woman and a little girl. The little girl died right away, and the mother was left in a critical state. The family had to decide whether to pull the plug on the life-sustaining machine, because the young woman would not be able to recover from the coma. Was this the family of the little boy?
Two days after this encounter with the little boy, I read in the news paper that the young woman had passed away.. I couldn't stop myself as I bought a bunch of white roses and I went to the funeral home where the body of the young woman was exposed for people to see and make last wishes before her burial. She was there, in her coffin, holding a beautiful white rose in her hand with the photo of the little boy and the doll placed over her chest.. I left the place, teary-eyed, feeling that my life had been changed for ever.
The love that the little boy had for his mother and his sister is still, to this day, hard to imagine. And in a fraction of a second, a drunk driver had taken all this away from him.
Please DO NOT DRINK & DRIVE.
Speeding !! :D
Ramankutty Nair, a middle aged Indian immigrant in Dallas, Texas bought a brand new convertible Porsche.
He took off down the road and pushed it up to 160 MPH and was enjoying the wind blowing through his (thinning) hair.
"This is great," he thought and accelerated to an even higher speed. But when he eventually looked in his rear-view mirror there was a Ford Crown Victoria Police Car behind him, blue lights flashing.
"I can get away from him with no problem" thought the man and he floored it some more, and flew down the road at over 210 mph to escape being stopped.
Then he thought, what the hell am I doing? "I'm too old for this kind of thing" and pulled over to the side of the road, and waited for the Police car to catch up with him.
The Policeman pulled in behind the Porsche and walked up on the driver's side.
"Sir, my Shift ends in five minutes and today is Wednesday 22 November a day before Thanksgiving "If you can give me a good reason that I've never heard before as to why you were speeding, I'll let you go."
The man looked back at the Policeman and said, "Last week my wife ran off with an American Policeman and I thought you were bringing her back."
The Policeman said, "Have a nice day, sir"
He took off down the road and pushed it up to 160 MPH and was enjoying the wind blowing through his (thinning) hair.
"This is great," he thought and accelerated to an even higher speed. But when he eventually looked in his rear-view mirror there was a Ford Crown Victoria Police Car behind him, blue lights flashing.
"I can get away from him with no problem" thought the man and he floored it some more, and flew down the road at over 210 mph to escape being stopped.
Then he thought, what the hell am I doing? "I'm too old for this kind of thing" and pulled over to the side of the road, and waited for the Police car to catch up with him.
The Policeman pulled in behind the Porsche and walked up on the driver's side.
"Sir, my Shift ends in five minutes and today is Wednesday 22 November a day before Thanksgiving "If you can give me a good reason that I've never heard before as to why you were speeding, I'll let you go."
The man looked back at the Policeman and said, "Last week my wife ran off with an American Policeman and I thought you were bringing her back."
The Policeman said, "Have a nice day, sir"
Awesome- Kingfisher Beer !!
After an international beer conference in London, all the world's top liquor kings decided to go out for a beer together.
The Chairman of Budweiser says, 'I'd like the most refreshing beer in the world. give me a Budweiser.'
The bartender takes a bottle from the shelf and opens it up for him..
The Chairman of Guinness says, 'I'd like the only beer in the world worth really, truly waiting for: give me a Guinness.
The bartender serves him.
The Chairman of Carlsberg says, 'I would like the world's best beer, drunk in more countries than any other: give me a Carlsberg.'
He gets it.
Vijay Mallya sits down, looks around and says, 'Just give me a Coke.'?
The bartender looks at him, shrugs, and serves him.
The other brewery bosses laugh loudly and say, 'Hey Vijay, how come you aren't drinking a Kingfisher?
'Listen,' says Vijay Mallya, 'If you guys aren't drinking beer, neither will I....!!!'
Man! That's what I call tongue-in-cheek answer. Presence of mind and being damn witty !! :P Kudos!! *clap clap clap*
The Chairman of Budweiser says, 'I'd like the most refreshing beer in the world. give me a Budweiser.'
The bartender takes a bottle from the shelf and opens it up for him..
The Chairman of Guinness says, 'I'd like the only beer in the world worth really, truly waiting for: give me a Guinness.
The bartender serves him.
The Chairman of Carlsberg says, 'I would like the world's best beer, drunk in more countries than any other: give me a Carlsberg.'
He gets it.
Vijay Mallya sits down, looks around and says, 'Just give me a Coke.'?
The bartender looks at him, shrugs, and serves him.
The other brewery bosses laugh loudly and say, 'Hey Vijay, how come you aren't drinking a Kingfisher?
'Listen,' says Vijay Mallya, 'If you guys aren't drinking beer, neither will I....!!!'
Man! That's what I call tongue-in-cheek answer. Presence of mind and being damn witty !! :P Kudos!! *clap clap clap*
Haaye re media !!
"A servant enrolled his donkey in a race & won. The local paper read:'SERVANT's ASS WON'
The king was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the servant not to enroll the donkey in another race. Next day the local paper headline read:'KING SCRATCHES SERVANT's ASS'. This was too much for the king, he ordered the servant to get rid of the donkey. He gave the donkey to the queen. The local paper heading the news:"QUEEN HAS THE BEST ASS IN TOWN". The king fainted. Queen sold the donkey to a farmer for 10$. Next day paper read:"QUEEN SELLS ASS FOR $10"
This was too much, KING ordered the queen to buy back the donkey & lead it to jungle. The next day Headlines: "QUEEN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD & FREE"
The king was buried next day!
Power of media!!
;-)
The king was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the servant not to enroll the donkey in another race. Next day the local paper headline read:'KING SCRATCHES SERVANT's ASS'. This was too much for the king, he ordered the servant to get rid of the donkey. He gave the donkey to the queen. The local paper heading the news:"QUEEN HAS THE BEST ASS IN TOWN". The king fainted. Queen sold the donkey to a farmer for 10$. Next day paper read:"QUEEN SELLS ASS FOR $10"
This was too much, KING ordered the queen to buy back the donkey & lead it to jungle. The next day Headlines: "QUEEN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD & FREE"
The king was buried next day!
Power of media!!
;-)
Har pal mein khush hoon...
Zindagi hai chhoti,
Har pal mein khush hoon...
College mein khush hu,
Ghar mein khush hoon,
Aaj paneer nahi hai,
Daal mein hi khush hoon,
Aaj bike mein petrol nahin hai,
Do kadam chal ke hi khush hoon,
Aaj doston ka saath nahin hai,
Kitaab padh ke hi khush hoon,
Ghar jaa nahin sakte,
Toh phone kar ke hi khush hoon,
Aaj koi naaraaz hai,
Uske isi andaaz mein khush hoon,
Jise dekh nahin sakta,
Uski aawaaz mein hi khush hoon,
Jise pa nahin sakta,
Uski yaad mein hi khush hoon,
C.A. karne ka socha tha,
B.Com mein hi khush hoon, [naah!]
Beeta hua kal ja chuka hai,
Uski meethi yaadein hain,
Unmein hi khush hoon,
Aane wale pal ka pata nahin,
Sapno' mein hi khush hoon,
Hanste hanste yeh pal beet jaayenge,
Aaj mein hi khush hoon...
Zindagi hai chhoti,
har pal mein khush hoon...
Har pal mein khush hoon...
College mein khush hu,
Ghar mein khush hoon,
Aaj paneer nahi hai,
Daal mein hi khush hoon,
Aaj bike mein petrol nahin hai,
Do kadam chal ke hi khush hoon,
Aaj doston ka saath nahin hai,
Kitaab padh ke hi khush hoon,
Ghar jaa nahin sakte,
Toh phone kar ke hi khush hoon,
Aaj koi naaraaz hai,
Uske isi andaaz mein khush hoon,
Jise dekh nahin sakta,
Uski aawaaz mein hi khush hoon,
Jise pa nahin sakta,
Uski yaad mein hi khush hoon,
C.A. karne ka socha tha,
B.Com mein hi khush hoon, [naah!]
Beeta hua kal ja chuka hai,
Uski meethi yaadein hain,
Unmein hi khush hoon,
Aane wale pal ka pata nahin,
Sapno' mein hi khush hoon,
Hanste hanste yeh pal beet jaayenge,
Aaj mein hi khush hoon...
Zindagi hai chhoti,
har pal mein khush hoon...
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
CA-IPCC May 2011 Suggested Answers
CA-IPCC May 2011 Suggested Answers can be downloaded from here. Please copy and paste the below link in your address bar as the link may be case-sensitive. Didnt got the answers for G2 though. :)
http://tinyurl.com/3qnbdz7
http://tinyurl.com/3qnbdz7
Monday, July 25, 2011
Life Explained! How True!!
The first day of our evolution,
God created the dog and said: 'Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.' The dog said: 'That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?' So God agreed.
On the second day, God created the monkey and said: 'Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span.' The monkey said: 'Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?'
And God agreed. On the third day, God created the cow and said: 'You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.' The cow said: 'That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years.. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?' And God agreed again.
On the fourth day, God created humans and said: 'Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years.' But the human said: 'Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?' 'Okay,' said God, 'You asked for it.'
So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family.. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren.. And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.
Life has now been explained to you.
God created the dog and said: 'Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.' The dog said: 'That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?' So God agreed.
On the second day, God created the monkey and said: 'Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span.' The monkey said: 'Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?'
And God agreed. On the third day, God created the cow and said: 'You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.' The cow said: 'That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years.. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?' And God agreed again.
On the fourth day, God created humans and said: 'Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years.' But the human said: 'Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?' 'Okay,' said God, 'You asked for it.'
So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family.. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren.. And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.
Life has now been explained to you.
The Stock Market !!
Once in a village
A man came and said he would buy monkeys at Rs.10 as there were lot of monkeys around.
The villagers started catching monkeys.
The man bought thousands of monkeys at Rs.10.
Soon there were no monkeys around.
Now the man said he would buy monkeys at Rs.20.
Vilagers renewed their efforts but could not supply.
They started to their original works.
Man increased offer to Rs.30.
Supply was nil.
Man now said he would buy at Rs.50.
But as he had some work in city he is going and in his absence, assistants would buy monkeys on his behalf.
Later one of the assistants showed villagers the monkeys they collected and said he would sell them at Rs.35 and they can sell the same to the man at Rs.50.
The villagers squeezed all their savings and bought all the monkeys.
But they never saw the man nor his assistants but only monkeys evrywhere in the village!
This is what called the Stock Market!
A man came and said he would buy monkeys at Rs.10 as there were lot of monkeys around.
The villagers started catching monkeys.
The man bought thousands of monkeys at Rs.10.
Soon there were no monkeys around.
Now the man said he would buy monkeys at Rs.20.
Vilagers renewed their efforts but could not supply.
They started to their original works.
Man increased offer to Rs.30.
Supply was nil.
Man now said he would buy at Rs.50.
But as he had some work in city he is going and in his absence, assistants would buy monkeys on his behalf.
Later one of the assistants showed villagers the monkeys they collected and said he would sell them at Rs.35 and they can sell the same to the man at Rs.50.
The villagers squeezed all their savings and bought all the monkeys.
But they never saw the man nor his assistants but only monkeys evrywhere in the village!
This is what called the Stock Market!
The 99 club
Once upon a time, there lived a King who, despite his luxurious lifestyle, was neither happy nor content.
One day, the King came upon a servant who was singing happily while he worked. This fascinated the King; why was he, the Supreme Ruler of the Land, unhappy and gloomy, while a lowly servant had so much joy.
The King asked the servant, "Why are you so happy?"
The man replied, "Your Majesty, I am nothing but a servant, but my family and I don't need too much - just a roof over our heads and warm food to fill our tummies."
The king was not satisfied with that reply. Later in the day, he sought the advice of his most trusted advisor.
After hearing the King's woes and the servant's story, the advisor said, "Your Majesty, I believe that the servant has not been made part of The 99 Club."
"The 99 Club? And what exactly is that?" the King inquired.
The advisor replied, "Your Majesty, to truly know what The 99 Club is, place 99 Gold coins in a bag and leave it at this servant's doorstep."
When the servant saw the bag, he took it into his house. When he opened the bag, he let out a great shout of joy... so many gold coins!
He began to count them. After several counts, he was at last convinced that there were 99 coins. He wondered, "What could've happened to that last gold coin? Surely, no one would leave 99 coins!" He looked everywhere he could, but that final coin was elusive.
Finally, exhausted, he decided that he was going to have to work harder than ever to earn that gold coin and complete his collection.
From that day, the servant's life was changed. He was overworked, horribly grumpy, and castigated his family for not helping him make that 100th gold coin. He stopped singing while he worked.
Witnessing this drastic transformation, the King was puzzled. When he sought his advisor's help, the advisor said, "Your Majesty, the servant has now officially joined The 99 Club.
He continued, "The 99 Club is a name given to those people who have enough to be happy but are never content, because they're always yearning and striving for that extra 1 telling to themselves:
"Let me get that one final thing and then I will be happy for life."
We can be happy, even with very little in our lives, but the minute we're given something bigger and better, we want even more! We lose our sleep, our happiness, we hurt the people around us; all these as a price for our growing needs and desires.
That's what joining The 99 Club is all about
One day, the King came upon a servant who was singing happily while he worked. This fascinated the King; why was he, the Supreme Ruler of the Land, unhappy and gloomy, while a lowly servant had so much joy.
The King asked the servant, "Why are you so happy?"
The man replied, "Your Majesty, I am nothing but a servant, but my family and I don't need too much - just a roof over our heads and warm food to fill our tummies."
The king was not satisfied with that reply. Later in the day, he sought the advice of his most trusted advisor.
After hearing the King's woes and the servant's story, the advisor said, "Your Majesty, I believe that the servant has not been made part of The 99 Club."
"The 99 Club? And what exactly is that?" the King inquired.
The advisor replied, "Your Majesty, to truly know what The 99 Club is, place 99 Gold coins in a bag and leave it at this servant's doorstep."
When the servant saw the bag, he took it into his house. When he opened the bag, he let out a great shout of joy... so many gold coins!
He began to count them. After several counts, he was at last convinced that there were 99 coins. He wondered, "What could've happened to that last gold coin? Surely, no one would leave 99 coins!" He looked everywhere he could, but that final coin was elusive.
Finally, exhausted, he decided that he was going to have to work harder than ever to earn that gold coin and complete his collection.
From that day, the servant's life was changed. He was overworked, horribly grumpy, and castigated his family for not helping him make that 100th gold coin. He stopped singing while he worked.
Witnessing this drastic transformation, the King was puzzled. When he sought his advisor's help, the advisor said, "Your Majesty, the servant has now officially joined The 99 Club.
He continued, "The 99 Club is a name given to those people who have enough to be happy but are never content, because they're always yearning and striving for that extra 1 telling to themselves:
"Let me get that one final thing and then I will be happy for life."
We can be happy, even with very little in our lives, but the minute we're given something bigger and better, we want even more! We lose our sleep, our happiness, we hurt the people around us; all these as a price for our growing needs and desires.
That's what joining The 99 Club is all about
A young and pretty lady posted this on a popular forum:
Title: What should I do to marry a rich guy?
I'm going to be honest of what I'm going to say here. I'm 25 this year. I'm very pretty, have style and good taste. I wish to marry a guy with $500k annual salary or above. You might say that I'm greedy, but an annual salary of $1M is considered only as middle class in New York. My requirement is not high. Is there anyone in this forum who has an income of $500k annual salary? Are you all married? I wanted to ask: what should I do to marry rich persons like you? Among those I've
dated, the richest is $250k annual income, and it seems that this is my upper limit. If someone is going to move into high cost residential area on the west of New York City Garden ( ? ) , $250k annual income is not enough.
I'm here humbly to ask a few questions:
1) Where do most rich bachelors hang out? (Please list down the names and addresses of bars, restaurant, gym).
2) Which age group should I target?
3) Why most wives of the riches is only average-looking? I've met a few girls who doesn't have looks and are not interesting, but they are able to marry rich guys.
4) How do you decide who can be your wife, and who can only be your girlfriend? (my target now is to get married)
Ms. Pretty
Awesome reply:
Dear Ms. Pretty,
I have read your post with great interest. Guess there are lots of girls out there who have similar questions like yours. Please allow me to analyse your situation as a professional investor. My annual income is more than $500k, which meets your requirement, so I hope everyone believes that I'm not wasting time here. From the standpoint of a business person, it is a bad decision to marry you.. The answer is very simple, so let me explain.
Put the details aside, what you're trying to do is an exchange of 'beauty' and 'money': Person A provides beauty, and Person B pays for it, fair and square. However, there's a deadly problem here, your beauty will fade, but my money will not be gone without any good reason. The fact is, my income might increase from year to year, but you can't be prettier year after year.
Hence from the viewpoint of economics, I am an appreciation asset, and you are a depreciation asset. It's not just normal depreciation, but exponential depreciation. If that is your only asset, your value will be much worried 10 years later.
By the terms we use in Wall Street, every trading has a position, dating with you is also a 'trading position'. If the trade value dropped we will sell it and it is not a good idea to keep it for long term - same goes with the marriage that you wanted. It might be cruel to say this, but in order to make a wiser decision any assets with great depreciation value will be sold or 'leased'. Anyone with over $500k annual income is not a fool; we would only date you, but will not marry you. I would advice that you forget looking for any clues to marry a rich guy. And by the way, you could make yourself to become a rich person with $500k annual income. This has better chance than finding a rich fool.
Hope this reply helps. If you are interested in 'leasing' services, do
contact me...
Signed.
CEO
J.P. Morgan
I loved reading this and I loved the reply whoever wrote this.. I’m not sure if the guy who replied is the real CEO of J.P.Morgan but I got the mail as it is..
I'm going to be honest of what I'm going to say here. I'm 25 this year. I'm very pretty, have style and good taste. I wish to marry a guy with $500k annual salary or above. You might say that I'm greedy, but an annual salary of $1M is considered only as middle class in New York. My requirement is not high. Is there anyone in this forum who has an income of $500k annual salary? Are you all married? I wanted to ask: what should I do to marry rich persons like you? Among those I've
dated, the richest is $250k annual income, and it seems that this is my upper limit. If someone is going to move into high cost residential area on the west of New York City Garden ( ? ) , $250k annual income is not enough.
I'm here humbly to ask a few questions:
1) Where do most rich bachelors hang out? (Please list down the names and addresses of bars, restaurant, gym).
2) Which age group should I target?
3) Why most wives of the riches is only average-looking? I've met a few girls who doesn't have looks and are not interesting, but they are able to marry rich guys.
4) How do you decide who can be your wife, and who can only be your girlfriend? (my target now is to get married)
Ms. Pretty
Awesome reply:
Dear Ms. Pretty,
I have read your post with great interest. Guess there are lots of girls out there who have similar questions like yours. Please allow me to analyse your situation as a professional investor. My annual income is more than $500k, which meets your requirement, so I hope everyone believes that I'm not wasting time here. From the standpoint of a business person, it is a bad decision to marry you.. The answer is very simple, so let me explain.
Put the details aside, what you're trying to do is an exchange of 'beauty' and 'money': Person A provides beauty, and Person B pays for it, fair and square. However, there's a deadly problem here, your beauty will fade, but my money will not be gone without any good reason. The fact is, my income might increase from year to year, but you can't be prettier year after year.
Hence from the viewpoint of economics, I am an appreciation asset, and you are a depreciation asset. It's not just normal depreciation, but exponential depreciation. If that is your only asset, your value will be much worried 10 years later.
By the terms we use in Wall Street, every trading has a position, dating with you is also a 'trading position'. If the trade value dropped we will sell it and it is not a good idea to keep it for long term - same goes with the marriage that you wanted. It might be cruel to say this, but in order to make a wiser decision any assets with great depreciation value will be sold or 'leased'. Anyone with over $500k annual income is not a fool; we would only date you, but will not marry you. I would advice that you forget looking for any clues to marry a rich guy. And by the way, you could make yourself to become a rich person with $500k annual income. This has better chance than finding a rich fool.
Hope this reply helps. If you are interested in 'leasing' services, do
contact me...
Signed.
CEO
J.P. Morgan
I loved reading this and I loved the reply whoever wrote this.. I’m not sure if the guy who replied is the real CEO of J.P.Morgan but I got the mail as it is..
When a Guy makes a mistake !!
Click on the image to enlarge.
This is the real truth :P ha ha ha..
Comments on this plzzz.. :P
This is the real truth :P ha ha ha..
Comments on this plzzz.. :P
SMS dictionary
Here is an interesting thing which I just found out through a friend..
If u want to know the meaning of ANY WORD on your mobile for FREE. . All you need to do is text "define" for eg "define philanthropist" and SMS it to 9773300000 and u will get the meaning as a reply within few seconds. . (Don't use quotes). .
NOTE: Normal Sms charges applicable, free for free sms offers ;) spelling must be correct
Try it out and pass it on to your folks..!!
If u want to know the meaning of ANY WORD on your mobile for FREE. . All you need to do is text "define
NOTE: Normal Sms charges applicable, free for free sms offers ;) spelling must be correct
Try it out and pass it on to your folks..!!
Indians...
I was just checkin my inbox and found this interesting thing ;) read on!! Its laughable :D
Scenario 1
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along, sees them and walks on.
That's MUMBAI
------------ --------- --------- --------- -
Scenario 2
Two guys are fighting. Both of them take time out and call their friends on their mobiles. Now 50 guys are fighting.
You are in PUNJAB
------------ --------- --------- --------- -
Scenario 3
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along and tries to make peace.
The first two get together and beat him up.
That's DELHI
------------ --------- --------- --------- -
Scenario 4
Two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch. A guy comes along and quietly opens a Chai-stall.
That's AHMEDABAD
------------ --------- --------- --------- -
Scenario 5
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes. He writes a software program to stop the fight. But the fight doesn't stop because of a bug in the program.
That's BANGALORE
------------ --------- --------- --------- -
Scenario 6
Two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch. A guy comes along and quietly says that "AMMA" doesn't like all this nonsense.. Peace settles in...
That's CHENNAI
------------ --------- --------- --------- -
Scenario 7
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along, then a fourth and they start arguing about who's right.
You are in KOLKATA
------------ --------- --------- --------- -
Scenario 8
Two guys are fighting. Third guy comes from nearby house and says, "don't fight in front of my place, go zum blace elz".
That's KERALA !
------------ --------- --------- --------- -
And the best one is ....
Scenario 9
Two guys are fighting. Third guy comes along with a carton of beer.
All sit together drinking beer and abuse each other ...
That's Goa
Scenario 1
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along, sees them and walks on.
That's MUMBAI
------------ --------- --------- --------- -
Scenario 2
Two guys are fighting. Both of them take time out and call their friends on their mobiles. Now 50 guys are fighting.
You are in PUNJAB
------------ --------- --------- --------- -
Scenario 3
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along and tries to make peace.
The first two get together and beat him up.
That's DELHI
------------ --------- --------- --------- -
Scenario 4
Two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch. A guy comes along and quietly opens a Chai-stall.
That's AHMEDABAD
------------ --------- --------- --------- -
Scenario 5
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes. He writes a software program to stop the fight. But the fight doesn't stop because of a bug in the program.
That's BANGALORE
------------ --------- --------- --------- -
Scenario 6
Two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch. A guy comes along and quietly says that "AMMA" doesn't like all this nonsense.. Peace settles in...
That's CHENNAI
------------ --------- --------- --------- -
Scenario 7
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along, then a fourth and they start arguing about who's right.
You are in KOLKATA
------------ --------- --------- --------- -
Scenario 8
Two guys are fighting. Third guy comes from nearby house and says, "don't fight in front of my place, go zum blace elz".
That's KERALA !
------------ --------- --------- --------- -
And the best one is ....
Scenario 9
Two guys are fighting. Third guy comes along with a carton of beer.
All sit together drinking beer and abuse each other ...
That's Goa
;)
Depressing but very true indeed...
At times when I'm awake late night,
I gaze at the sky and wonder,
what if somemday I disapear
will it bother anyone!
what if everyone comes to know that I'm a past now!!
will it affect anyone..!!
I know I bug people very much..
but when I'm absent, wil anyone miss my bugging talks and my stupid jokes..!!
Will my absence matter anyone..!!
Will anyone look for me..!!
I believe life gives a single chance to live..
Problems and pains are a part and parcel of our lives..
But I would only like to be one of the reasons for you to SMILE and remember me and if my topic arises in your conversation some day, you must say- 'Ya that idiot was my friend'...
Love you all my friends n buddies!!
Rahul :)
At times when I'm awake late night,
I gaze at the sky and wonder,
what if somemday I disapear
will it bother anyone!
what if everyone comes to know that I'm a past now!!
will it affect anyone..!!
I know I bug people very much..
but when I'm absent, wil anyone miss my bugging talks and my stupid jokes..!!
Will my absence matter anyone..!!
Will anyone look for me..!!
I believe life gives a single chance to live..
Problems and pains are a part and parcel of our lives..
But I would only like to be one of the reasons for you to SMILE and remember me and if my topic arises in your conversation some day, you must say- 'Ya that idiot was my friend'...
Love you all my friends n buddies!!
Rahul :)
Waqt Nahin...
Har Khushi Hai Logon Ke Daaman Mein,
Par Ek Hansi Ke Liye Waqt Nahin.
Din Raat Daudti Duniya Mein,
Zindagi Ke Liye Hi Waqt Nahin.
Maa Ki Lori Ka Ehsaas Toh Hai,
Par Maa Ko Maa Kehne Ka Waqt Nahin.
Saare Rishton Ko Toh Hum Maar Chuke,
Ab Unhe Dafnaane Ka Bhi Waqt Nahin.
Saare Naam Mobile Mein Hain
Par Doston Ke Liye Waqt Nahin.
Gairon Ki Kya Baat Karein,
Jab Apno Ke Liye Hi Waqt Nahin.
Aankhon Mein Hai Neend Bahut,
Par Sone Ka Waqt Nahin.
Dil Hai Ghamon Se Bharaa Hua,
Par Rone Ka Bi Waqt Nahin,
Paison ki Daud Mein Aise Daude,
Ki Thakne ka Bhi Waqt Nahin.
Paraaye Ehsaas Ki Kya Kadar Karein,
Jab Apne Sapne Ke Liye Hi Waqt Nahin.
Tu Hi Bata Ae Zindagi,
Is Zindagi Ka Kya Hoga,
Har Pal Marne Waalon Ko,
Jeene Ke Liye Bhi Waqt Nahin... :(
Par Ek Hansi Ke Liye Waqt Nahin.
Din Raat Daudti Duniya Mein,
Zindagi Ke Liye Hi Waqt Nahin.
Maa Ki Lori Ka Ehsaas Toh Hai,
Par Maa Ko Maa Kehne Ka Waqt Nahin.
Saare Rishton Ko Toh Hum Maar Chuke,
Ab Unhe Dafnaane Ka Bhi Waqt Nahin.
Saare Naam Mobile Mein Hain
Par Doston Ke Liye Waqt Nahin.
Gairon Ki Kya Baat Karein,
Jab Apno Ke Liye Hi Waqt Nahin.
Aankhon Mein Hai Neend Bahut,
Par Sone Ka Waqt Nahin.
Dil Hai Ghamon Se Bharaa Hua,
Par Rone Ka Bi Waqt Nahin,
Paison ki Daud Mein Aise Daude,
Ki Thakne ka Bhi Waqt Nahin.
Paraaye Ehsaas Ki Kya Kadar Karein,
Jab Apne Sapne Ke Liye Hi Waqt Nahin.
Tu Hi Bata Ae Zindagi,
Is Zindagi Ka Kya Hoga,
Har Pal Marne Waalon Ko,
Jeene Ke Liye Bhi Waqt Nahin... :(
How Technology has changed us.....!!!
Just got a forwarded e-mail with this pic attached.. Instead of forwarding it I thought it would be better if I make it public :P Something cool n imaginative.. The electronics are becoming thinner and sleeker while the normal man is growing fatter and heavier :P
Ganpati Bappa Morya...
The festival of Ganesh Chaturthi is just round the corner. This is cool and different! A Ganesh idol made with Biscuits.. Done by
Parle-G. Think this way guys, Save Environment. :)
For All The CA Aspirants Out There...
Keep chasing your dreams till you hunt them down,
Never hang your head because your aim is "The Crown",
Failures might come in your way,
Hit them hard till they giveaway,
Work more harder than the previous day,
"He deserves it!" the world should say,
Because heroes are born in no different way,
And legends are not made in a day,
And when you'll win you'll find yourself crying,
Remembering the times when you were trying...!!
Remember- Success is failure turned inside out !!
Love
*If you are in love:
-Get the best of it
-Forget the bad things
-Enjoy it b'coz nothing lasts forever:)
*If you just broke up:
-Never cry! Remember that u were happy
-Never stay alone! Ur friends are there
-Hug more people
-Stop listening to music! It only makes things worse..
-Start partying hard.
-U hav only lost sumone who dint intend to b a serious part of ur life anyway:)
*If you are single & alone:
-Play, play & play! No one can blame you
-Party every night
-Enjoy every opportunity
-Never stop looking for someone;)
-Make d best of d time:)
*If you are married:
well,
its GAME OVER! ;):D:p
-Get the best of it
-Forget the bad things
-Enjoy it b'coz nothing lasts forever:)
*If you just broke up:
-Never cry! Remember that u were happy
-Never stay alone! Ur friends are there
-Hug more people
-Stop listening to music! It only makes things worse..
-Start partying hard.
-U hav only lost sumone who dint intend to b a serious part of ur life anyway:)
*If you are single & alone:
-Play, play & play! No one can blame you
-Party every night
-Enjoy every opportunity
-Never stop looking for someone;)
-Make d best of d time:)
*If you are married:
well,
its GAME OVER! ;):D:p
Few Marketing Lessons... :P
1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" - That's Direct Marketing"
2. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says: "He's very rich. "Marry him." -That's Advertising"
3. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says:"You are very rich! "Can you marry ! Me?" - That's Brand Recognition"
4. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" She gives you a nice hard slap on your face. - "That's Customer Feedback"
5. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" And she introduces you to her husband. - "That's demand and supply gap"
6. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say: "I'm rich, Marry me!" your wife arrives. - "That's restriction for entering new markets"
Source- a forwarded e-mail
2. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says: "He's very rich. "Marry him." -That's Advertising"
3. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says:"You are very rich! "Can you marry ! Me?" - That's Brand Recognition"
4. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" She gives you a nice hard slap on your face. - "That's Customer Feedback"
5. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" And she introduces you to her husband. - "That's demand and supply gap"
6. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say: "I'm rich, Marry me!" your wife arrives. - "That's restriction for entering new markets"
Source- a forwarded e-mail
for the child in u..
Wo bhi kya din thay:
'MUMMY' ki goad, or 'PAPA' k kandhe,
Na padhai ki soch,
Na life k funde,
Na kal ki chinta,
Na future k sapne,
Ab kal ki h fikar,
Aur adhure h sapne,
is se achchhe thay toote khilaune,
Mud kar dekha toh, bahut door h apne,
Manzilo ko dhundte hum kaha kho gaye,
Kyu hum itne jaldi bade ho gaye..
=)
source- a forwarded sms
P.S. Sachin sir's one statement always pings me to behave in more matured manner- Gone are the days when one fine morning you would wake-up and say 'I want to be a doc' and other fine morning 'I want to be a Pilot'. Really it feels pathetic to be grown up. Na jaane woh bachpan kahaan kho gayaa. :(
'MUMMY' ki goad, or 'PAPA' k kandhe,
Na padhai ki soch,
Na life k funde,
Na kal ki chinta,
Na future k sapne,
Ab kal ki h fikar,
Aur adhure h sapne,
is se achchhe thay toote khilaune,
Mud kar dekha toh, bahut door h apne,
Manzilo ko dhundte hum kaha kho gaye,
Kyu hum itne jaldi bade ho gaye..
=)
source- a forwarded sms
P.S. Sachin sir's one statement always pings me to behave in more matured manner- Gone are the days when one fine morning you would wake-up and say 'I want to be a doc' and other fine morning 'I want to be a Pilot'. Really it feels pathetic to be grown up. Na jaane woh bachpan kahaan kho gayaa. :(
Think God's Way....
Boy : Y is GOD doin dis 2 me?
If he knew that i wud sufer dis way, y did he let me fal so deep 4 her?
Frnd: Imagin dt ur dad has 2 cars,1 of them is ugly & old and d other 1 is new. He wants 2 teach u hw 2 drive, in which car do u think he wud teach u?
He'll teach u in d ugly, cheaper n old car, so u can crash it, n when u learn 2 drive,he wud give u d pretty 1..
Dat is hw God works!
He wud nt give you d rite 1 4 nw, coz he knw dat u can do wrong n loose him 4ever... He wants u 2 meet atleast 1 wrong persn, jst 2 make u know how 2 treat d right one!!! :)
Source- a forwarded sms
If he knew that i wud sufer dis way, y did he let me fal so deep 4 her?
Frnd: Imagin dt ur dad has 2 cars,1 of them is ugly & old and d other 1 is new. He wants 2 teach u hw 2 drive, in which car do u think he wud teach u?
He'll teach u in d ugly, cheaper n old car, so u can crash it, n when u learn 2 drive,he wud give u d pretty 1..
Dat is hw God works!
He wud nt give you d rite 1 4 nw, coz he knw dat u can do wrong n loose him 4ever... He wants u 2 meet atleast 1 wrong persn, jst 2 make u know how 2 treat d right one!!! :)
Source- a forwarded sms
The Truth...
This is what most of us mean when we do stuff! Say something to gain sympathy or win people but do what we like!
Cigarette...
Whenever it comes to cigarette, one always recall these two beautiful compositions-
1. Har fikr ko dhuen mein udaataa chalaa gayaa...
2. Jab bhi cigarette jalti hai...
But I got through this poem randomly while going through a friend's blog which I find worth sharing. Remembering the good old times I had smoking with KC, Nirav Bhai, Somu and Vicky!
-------->
Phir Ek Cigarette Jalaa Raha Hoon,
Phir Ek Teeli Bujha Rahaa Hoon,
Unki Nazar Mein Ye Ek Gunaah hai,
Main Toh Unke Vaade Bhoola Rahaa Hoon,
Samajhnaa Mat Isko Meri Aadat Main Toh Bas... Dhuaan Udaa Rahaa hoon,
Ye Unki Yaadon Ke Silsile Hain,
Main Unki Yaadein Jalaa Rahaa hoon,
Apne Gham Ke Kisse Sunaa Rahaa hoon,
Agar Kisi Aur Ko Bhi Gham Hai Toh Paas Aaye,
Main Pee Rahaa Hoon Aur Pilaa Rahaa Hoon,
Hai Meri Aankhein Toh Aaj Num,
Magar Main Sabko Hansaa Rahaa Hoon.
Aaj Ek Aur Cigarette Jalaa Rahaa hoon,
Aaj Ek Aur Cigarette Jalaa Rahaa hoon....
1. Har fikr ko dhuen mein udaataa chalaa gayaa...
2. Jab bhi cigarette jalti hai...
But I got through this poem randomly while going through a friend's blog which I find worth sharing. Remembering the good old times I had smoking with KC, Nirav Bhai, Somu and Vicky!
-------->
Phir Ek Cigarette Jalaa Raha Hoon,
Phir Ek Teeli Bujha Rahaa Hoon,
Unki Nazar Mein Ye Ek Gunaah hai,
Main Toh Unke Vaade Bhoola Rahaa Hoon,
Samajhnaa Mat Isko Meri Aadat Main Toh Bas... Dhuaan Udaa Rahaa hoon,
Ye Unki Yaadon Ke Silsile Hain,
Main Unki Yaadein Jalaa Rahaa hoon,
Apne Gham Ke Kisse Sunaa Rahaa hoon,
Agar Kisi Aur Ko Bhi Gham Hai Toh Paas Aaye,
Main Pee Rahaa Hoon Aur Pilaa Rahaa Hoon,
Hai Meri Aankhein Toh Aaj Num,
Magar Main Sabko Hansaa Rahaa Hoon.
Aaj Ek Aur Cigarette Jalaa Rahaa hoon,
Aaj Ek Aur Cigarette Jalaa Rahaa hoon....
Mohan DUDE Karamchand Gandhi !!
This is Just For Fun.. Someone having feelings for Gandhiji, plz dont get mad.. I also respect his as much as you do..
But look at this man!!.. Get a laugh ;) ha ha :D
Share it if you like it ;)
P.S. while posting this, I remember this particularly damn funny scene from the movie Phir Hera Pheri where seeing fake currency notes bearing images of SRK and BigB, Baburao [Paresh Rawal] says, "Baal Kidhar Se Aa Gayaa Re Baba" [he meant to address Gandhiji].
It still makes me laugh my a$$ out !! :D
Man's Biggest Mistake !!
Ha ha ha.. Once upon a time in the early stages when life evolved, men taught women to talk and is just listening to her even today. :-p
If I find that man who got the thought of teaching women how to talk, even if he is dead, I'll generate life in him and kill him again ;) :( *SIGH*
Nice Poem ... will work big time for a dear friend Archie !!
uss sey keh do mujhe sataanaa chhod de,
dusron ke saath reh kar har pal mujhe jalaanaa chhod de,
yaa toh kar de inkaar ki mujhse mohabbat nahi,
yaa mujhe guzarte hue dekh palatt kar muskuraanaa chhod de,
na kare baat mujhse koi gham nahin hai,
yun sun kar aawaaz meri jharokhe pe aana chhod de,
kar de dil-e-bayaan jo chhupa rakha hai,
yun ishaaron mein haal bataanaa chhod de,
kya iraadaa hai bataa de ab mujhe,
yun doston ko mere kisse
sunaanaa chhod de,
hai pasand gulaabi rang mujhe,
uss libaas mein baar-baar aana chhod de,
naa kare yaad mujhe beshaq tu,
kitaabon pe likh ke meraa naam mitaana chhod de...
dusron ke saath reh kar har pal mujhe jalaanaa chhod de,
yaa toh kar de inkaar ki mujhse mohabbat nahi,
yaa mujhe guzarte hue dekh palatt kar muskuraanaa chhod de,
na kare baat mujhse koi gham nahin hai,
yun sun kar aawaaz meri jharokhe pe aana chhod de,
kar de dil-e-bayaan jo chhupa rakha hai,
yun ishaaron mein haal bataanaa chhod de,
kya iraadaa hai bataa de ab mujhe,
yun doston ko mere kisse
sunaanaa chhod de,
hai pasand gulaabi rang mujhe,
uss libaas mein baar-baar aana chhod de,
naa kare yaad mujhe beshaq tu,
kitaabon pe likh ke meraa naam mitaana chhod de...
Don't Drink and Drive- Nice Poem
* In case you are scroling down, please do read this post.
I went to a party Mom,
I remembered what you said.
You told me not to drink, Mom,
So I drank soda instead.
I really felt proud inside, Mom,
The way you said I would.
I didn't drink and drive, Mom,
Even though the others said I should.
I know I did the right thing, Mom,
I know you are always right.
Now the party is finally ending, Mom,
As everyone is driving out of sight.
As I got into my car, Mom,
I knew I'd get home in one piece.
Because of the way you raised me,
So responsible and sweet..
I started to drive away, Mom,
But as I pulled out into the road,
The other car didn't see me, Mom,
And hit me like a load.
As I lay there on the pavement, Mom,
I hear the policeman say,
"The other guy is drunk," Mom,
And now I'm the one who will pay.
I'm lying here dying, Mom....
I wish you'd get here soon.
How could this happen to me, Mom?
My life just burst like a balloon..
There is blood all around me, Mom,
And most of it is mine.
I hear the medic say, Mom,
I'll die in a short time.
I just wanted to tell you, Mom,
I swear I didn't drink.
It was the others, Mom.
The others didn't think.
He was probably at the same party as I.
The only difference is, he drank
And I will die.
Why do people drink, Mom?
It can ruin your whole life.
I'm feeling sharp pains now.
Pains just like a knife.
The guy who hit me is walking, Mom,
And I don't think it's fair.
I'm lying here dying
And all he can do is stare.
Tell my brother not to cry, Mom.
Tell Daddy to be brave.
And when I go to heaven, Mom,
Put "GOOD BOY " on my grave.
Someone should have told him, Mom,
Not to drink and drive.
If only they had told him, Mom,
I would still be alive.
My breath is getting shorter, Mom.
I'm becoming very scared.
Please don't cry for me, Mom.
When I needed you, you were always there.
I have 1 last question, Mom.
Before I say good bye.
I didn't drink and drive,
So why am I the one to die?
I went to a party Mom,
I remembered what you said.
You told me not to drink, Mom,
So I drank soda instead.
I really felt proud inside, Mom,
The way you said I would.
I didn't drink and drive, Mom,
Even though the others said I should.
I know I did the right thing, Mom,
I know you are always right.
Now the party is finally ending, Mom,
As everyone is driving out of sight.
As I got into my car, Mom,
I knew I'd get home in one piece.
Because of the way you raised me,
So responsible and sweet..
I started to drive away, Mom,
But as I pulled out into the road,
The other car didn't see me, Mom,
And hit me like a load.
As I lay there on the pavement, Mom,
I hear the policeman say,
"The other guy is drunk," Mom,
And now I'm the one who will pay.
I'm lying here dying, Mom....
I wish you'd get here soon.
How could this happen to me, Mom?
My life just burst like a balloon..
There is blood all around me, Mom,
And most of it is mine.
I hear the medic say, Mom,
I'll die in a short time.
I just wanted to tell you, Mom,
I swear I didn't drink.
It was the others, Mom.
The others didn't think.
He was probably at the same party as I.
The only difference is, he drank
And I will die.
Why do people drink, Mom?
It can ruin your whole life.
I'm feeling sharp pains now.
Pains just like a knife.
The guy who hit me is walking, Mom,
And I don't think it's fair.
I'm lying here dying
And all he can do is stare.
Tell my brother not to cry, Mom.
Tell Daddy to be brave.
And when I go to heaven, Mom,
Put "GOOD BOY " on my grave.
Someone should have told him, Mom,
Not to drink and drive.
If only they had told him, Mom,
I would still be alive.
My breath is getting shorter, Mom.
I'm becoming very scared.
Please don't cry for me, Mom.
When I needed you, you were always there.
I have 1 last question, Mom.
Before I say good bye.
I didn't drink and drive,
So why am I the one to die?
Learn To Live...
It was the coldest winter ever. Many animals died because of the cold.
The porcupines, realizing the situation, decided to group together to keep warm. This way they covered and protected themselves; but the quills of each one wounded their closest companions. After awhile, they decided to distance themselves one from the other and they began to die, alone and frozen. So they had to make a choice: either accept the quills of their companions or disappear from the Earth. Wisely, they decided to go back to being together. They learned to live with the little wounds caused by the close relationship with their companions in order to receive the heat that came from the others. This way they were able to survive.
The best relationship is not the one that brings together perfect people, but when each individual learns to live with the imperfections of others and can admire the other person's good qualities.
The moral of the story being:
"Just learn to live with the Pricks in your life!"
:)
The porcupines, realizing the situation, decided to group together to keep warm. This way they covered and protected themselves; but the quills of each one wounded their closest companions. After awhile, they decided to distance themselves one from the other and they began to die, alone and frozen. So they had to make a choice: either accept the quills of their companions or disappear from the Earth. Wisely, they decided to go back to being together. They learned to live with the little wounds caused by the close relationship with their companions in order to receive the heat that came from the others. This way they were able to survive.
The best relationship is not the one that brings together perfect people, but when each individual learns to live with the imperfections of others and can admire the other person's good qualities.
The moral of the story being:
"Just learn to live with the Pricks in your life!"
:)
Funniest Thing I've Ever uploaded...
It can happen to anybody !! I sincerely mean EVERYBODY !! :P
The way the social media is being used, Twitter and FB the two most used platforms which give out loads of personal information, Its tough to hide or lie about stuff!!
click on the image to enlarge
The way the social media is being used, Twitter and FB the two most used platforms which give out loads of personal information, Its tough to hide or lie about stuff!!
click on the image to enlarge
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