Random Musings...

My blog is my baby. I feel like a father to it. I feel elated when I see comments on posts. I feel bad when I don’t find them. But for quite a some time now, I’ve been neglecting my baby. And I feel pretty bad about it. There was a time when I was obsessed with this phenomena of blogging. Keep aside just blogging, I was an internet fanatic. But now when I look back, I feel I was no fanatic. I was pure ‘CHUTIYA’. Pardon my language but yes I was one for sure. Not that I’m no more of that but yes, the context in which I’m using that term is relevant to be elaborated over here. About an year ago, internet for me was a social-networking medium, mail-exchanging platform, blogging adda and max to max a porn hub. At one point of time, my porn collection was as heavy as 17GB. Yes! You read it right. 17 God damn GBs. You might say, either I was a dumbass or I was a CHUTIYA. And I humbly accept that I was/I am both!

At that same time, I was in the rat race ke FB aur Orkut pe sabse lambi friends list kiski hogi. Kaun kudi pataayega online baith ke. Aaj jab peechhe mud ke dekhta hoon to lagta hai ke Boss! Kya chutiyapa kiya karta tha main. Aaj jab dusron ko karte dekhta hoon to hansi bhi aati hai aur bura bhi lagta hai ke log mujhe dekh ke sabak kyun nahin lete? Maine internet-chutiyaape mein apne career ka ek saal barbaad kar diya. Maine apne haathon apne 12^th ke % ki mother-sister united kar di. People had started to write me off. Phir ek waqt aisa aaya ke laga ke bhendi this is not my goal. These things are just distracting me from my real target. Then I took a deep breath and decided to call off all such stupidities of my life. Shuruwaat ke ek do week thoda sa tadpa. Just like how a drug-addict feels when deprived of drug. But then dheere dheere dimag main-stream mein aana shuru hua. Phir ek lamba stroke laga [LUCK BY CHANCE!]. Main apne target ke aur nazdeek aa gaya.

Sach boloon to mujhe nahin samajh mein aa raha kya likhoon. Likhna bahut kuch chahta hoon. Kehna bahut kuch hai. Bahut si cheezein hain mere aas-paas jis se ghira hua hoon. Kayi aisi baatein jo main kehna to chahta hoon par shaayad nahin kehni chahiye. Kuch aisi baatein hain jinhein main na hi kahoon to behtar. Kyun ki ek cheez hai. Mere kehne na kehne se kisi ko koi fark to padta hai nahin. Kahoon to bhi free-fund ki gaali khaata hoon. Na kahoon to baat hi aur. One major thing that striked me to write this random post is that I wanted to pen down something on MONEY. There have been two instances since past one week that have pushed me to write it. First incident happened last Monday. Monday ko flight mein baitha tha to ek lady apne paas rakha 10 rupaye ka ek note sabhi co-passengers ko dikha rahi thi. The speciality about that note was, uske upar printed digits us lady ka birth date tha. And she was saying that she is going to preserve this note till her last breath. I was taken aback! I’ll get back to the reason in the coming lines.

Second incident happened today. My badi dadi [my dad’s tai ji] passed away this Wednesday and so I back from Ahmedabad. She was 76 and was suffering from illness for past some time. I’m happy that she got rid of that grotesquely disgusting pain. May Almighty let her soul RIP. Nevertheless, I’ll miss her a lot. I simply loved the ‘Dal Wada’ that she used to prepare on Holi and Diwali. Unke funeral mein shareek hone ke liye mera ek cousin UP se aaya hua tha. Aaj us se aise hi shart lagi ke zyada kaun kha sakta hai. Obviously am a big time foodie. And it shows on my body too! And rahe-sahe mein main ek UP wale se haar jaaun. No ways! Aamchi Mumbai and Mi Marathi Manoos! Jai Maharashtra. Shaayad hi aaj UNR mein bikne wala koi aisa fastfood hoga jo hum dono ne nahin khaaya. You name it and we had it. Kal subah mera system mujhe gaali dega ye baat pakki hai !! Jokes apart, baat thi paise ki. 1100 rupaye maine khaane mein uda diye woh bhi  shart mein.

My mom always scolds me for being an irresponsible buyer. I never bargain. I pay whatever is asked for. I can’t check for the quality of goods that I’m buying and blah blah blah. Iske peechhe meri ek simple si theory hai. Main manta hoon ke main imaandaar hoon. Jitne paise agle bande ne maange utne maine usko diye. Ab mera assumption ye hota hai ke saamne wala bhi mere jitney imaandaar behave karega aur mujhe correct quantity aur sahi quality ki cheezein dega. But as my fuck luck would have it. More often than not, I end up being made a fool by the sellers. And being a lazy dumbo, I don’t even return back to that seller for complaining either. Instead, I prefer trying a new seller the next time. And maa zyada bolti hai to bol deta hoon, mere se to aisa hi laaya jaata hai, itna hi hai to tu khud hi le aaiyo agli baar, meko mat boliyo! She gets pissed off! I don’t mind that. She looks cute that way. ;-)

So the point was, there was a time jab papa bolte thay ke tujhe jo bhi chahiye tu mujhe bol de, main le aaunga. Whatever my need used to be, main unko bol deta tha aur who poori ho jaati thi. Phir main 8^th mein pahuncha. I gave up rickshaw service upto  school. I started to travel upto the school on my bicycle alongwith my other mates Puneet, Roshan and Avinash. Tab mujhe roz ke 10 rupaye as a pocket-money milna shuru hua. Tab aisa lagta tha ke maa ki aankh! Ye 10 rupaye ko kaise kharch karein. It was too huge of an amount for me. Phir 9^th mein 10 se 20 hua. 10^th mein 20 se seedha 50 hua. Tab tak bhi 50 rupaye bahut badi cheez hoti thi. Zyada se zyada PS jaata tha friends ke saath weekends pe tab kharcha hota tha. Wada-pav was the best thing I ever knew. Phir main college pahuncha. 11^th aur 12^th mein roz ki kharchi 100 rupaye ho gayi. Humko bhi college ki hawa lagi. Bunk maar ke movies dekhne lage. Kuch gande shaukh paal liye sangat ke chalte. Internet ka chaska laga. Bunk maar ke cyber mein baitha rehta tha. Then I slowly started to feel the money crunch. Ek waqt aisa bhi aaya jab 5-5 km paidal chala Kunal ke saath. Mere ye mahine ki koi expense reimbursement claim sheet utha ke dekhe, to usmein 4000 rupaye ka meru aur tab cab ka kharcha hai. MAA KI AANKH seriously! Can you believe that?

Pichhle ek mahine mein almost 20K hazaar mere haath se yahaan se wahaan ho gaye! I started from mere 300 bucks a month and have reached this level. Papa bataate hain that his first par cheque was for Rs. 536/-. Ek waqt mujhe 10 rupaye dekh ke aisa lagta tha ke main isko kaise kharch karunga. Aaj ki date mein, jeb mein laal wale bapu rehte hain to bhi ghar se nikalte hue darr lagta hai ke kaise manage hoga. How can you avoid expenses? They are everywhere. Mahine ke pehle 10-15 main nawaab ki tarah rehta hoon. Ant-shantt kharcha chalta hai. Karne wala bhi aur nahin karne wala bhi. College mein 3 rupaye ki Gold Flake light peeya karta tha. Aaj imported davidsoff maarte hain style ke liye. Kitna kuch badal gaya hai. Main khud kitna badal gaya hoon. When I was in school, I wasn’t apprehensive about anything. I was never ever concerned about log kya sochenge. Ab apni soch se pehle dusre kya sochenge ye zyada zaruri hone laga hai mere liye. I need to cut down heavily on that front. I need to respect my individuality. I need to respect the fact that I’m special. Atleast for myself, if not for this chutiya world. Sorry but offlate mujhe is’chutiya’  word se pyaar ho gaya hai. Mere hisaab se sabse cute gaali hi ye hai. Aap kisi ko pyaar se bhi chutiya bol sakte ho aur gusse se bhi. Meri zaruratein sabse alag hain. Chutiya main bhi hoon par main baaki sabhi chutiyon se alag hoon. Ye samjhaana hai ek bandi ko. Par woh maanti nahin. Khaer. Maane to thik. Na maane to apni radha ko yaad kare! Meri balaa se!

Dekha, kaha tha na maine. There are lots of musings, so many thoughts cooking up in my head. And I want to pen it down. But there is no linkage between all this.All the thoughts are scattered here and there. And text itna zyada hai ke likhte likhte main thak jaunga aur padhte padhte aap log. Chalo yaar, ab bore ho raha hai type karne ke liye. Just give me a ring if you are free some day. Kisi se baat karne ka mann kar raha hai. Am fed up of this loneliness around myself. Kisi se bhi. Just give me a ring. Leave me a message. Log khushi baant-te hain. Hum baith kar gham galat karenge.

Btw, happened to watch Jannat2 today. Must say, it was a maha-chutiya film. Expected much more from Kunal Deshmukh after averagely b’ful movie like Jannat. Even Emran disappointed big time. After TDP I used to feel like isne bhi acting seekh li. But he proved that he was a chutiya, he is a chutiya and he will be a chutiya forever. Woh to Milan Luthria karwa gaya acting nahi to aukaat nahin uski hero banne ki. Pritam’s music was a disaster. Esha Gupta ne ek cheez prove kar di ke koi bhi ladki jo kapde utaarne ko taiyaar hai, woh Mahesh Bhatt camp ki heroine ban sakti hai !!

Maa kasam! Agar Emran Hashmi, Himesh Reshammiya, Emran Khan, Jacky Bhagnani aur Harman Baweja hero ban sakte hain to am quite better off. I just need to shed few kilos and need to hit that gym iron to be an actor. Seriously. I can be a better actor than all these chutiyas combined together. My dear Babu Gujjar can attest this! Waise CA aur actor ke alawa, Vicky Donor ne bhi ek sunehre career profession ki raah khol di hai !! will definitely think upon that. No investment, only income! Signing off on that naughty note! Love to all. Power to all. May God bless you all. \m/