This ones exclusively for my Sona...

Sitting in this stupid resort room of Chennai and just passing the time. Don’t know what to do. I’ve got some pending work of office with me. But feeling too lethargic on this sunny Sunday to finish it off. Temperature outside is 43 degree celcius. My heartiest salute to the inventor of AC. :P Happened to watch Department last night. Must say it was one of the biggest shit movie I’ve ever seen. But it had one of the best cinematography ever. Have you ever imagined how does world looks like from your nostrils? Or have you imagined how does world looks like from your ass? Nahi na? Go experience it then! Don’t know whats the prob with RGV. After one good movie, he delivers two three grotesquely disgusting movies. After NALS, expectations from Ramu were quite high. He disappointed bit time. BigB as usual stole the show single-handedly. Loved his character. Vijay Raaz was ultimate. Sanjay Dutt has developed a big paunch. Natalie Kaur’s partially nude item number was again, disgusting. Such song could have been picturised only by Ramu. Manmaani karne walon mein se hai RGV. And that’s why I love him. Ganesh Acharya ko dance to aata hai kya? I wonder. :O

Ladies and ledas,  chalo main aapko apni bakchodi sonata hoon. Matlab apni ik-tarfa prem kahaani bataata hoon. there is this one girl whom I love like anything. I haven’t expressed my feelings to her. I’m afraid. I’m afraid bcoz I’ve seen her Devil-ish side. She is too sweet otherwise. A brilliant friend to have. Somebody who loves to enjoy every moment.  Her smile is pristine. Her heart is pure as gold. She is just so so so perfect. And I’m the worst guy in this world. Yes, I am. I never claimed to be a good guy. They say I’m bad. Earlier I used to defend myself. But offlate, I’ve stopped retaliating. I accept whatever they say. Anyhow for them, I’m a piece of shit. And for me too, whatever they say is bull shit !! As in, those who cares doesn’t seeks an explanation and those who seeks an explanation, doesn’t cares.

Well I was talking abt this girl. Yes. You know, the only reason I’ve fell in love with her is that probably she is the only girl so far and till date who has made me shut my mouth. Forget girls, not even a single guy is there who can make me do so. But she did. And did it magnificiently. And that’s the crux of me falling in love with her. There was a time in my life where I had to decide what I want from life. This girl or the bigger world. I chose the latter one. I said to myself that lets try and stay away from her from now onwards. I did so. My reasoning behind it was, just to confirm whether or not this was love or just an infatuation. I realized, it wasn’t an infatuation. I was away from her, but there wasn’t a single day spent without me remembering her. It isn’t like I didn’t tried to move over her. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t succeed. And thus I made a comeback. Still today, she is not aware about this. And btw, I achieved what I wanted to in this brief stint of me staying away from her.

Some people can say that when I was succeeding in what I chose, why did I decided to make a comeback. It is because, I know I can do without her. But life would be totally different if she would be there. You know, I rarely talk to people about her. There are only two people who are updated about this particular aspect of my life. One is KC and other is Fire Brigade. Even today I try hard to stay away from her coz I know I don’t have it in me to win her. She deserves better. Much much much much better. May be a Prince Charles !! Okay, that was a hyperbole!!!!!!!

But you know, I’m unable to pen it down here as well. There is this feeling. Which isn’t that great. But I ain’t good at expression. Many a times Fire Brigade jacks me up to go and tell her that I love her. But then, there is this fear of losing her forever. She is a bit of dumb! Ya she is !! She is dumb and perceives every God-damn thing that I say in totally different manner. So now I think I must go and tell her that I hate her !! May be then she will understand what I mean! Let it be! She is my sona, and I love her that way.  Arey try and trust me. I know was an asshole. Or may be yes, I’m an asshole. But one thing is for sure. Is duniya mein koi aisa maa ka laadla nahi hoga jo tujhko mujhse se zyada pyaar kar sake. Ho to milwa dena, apne pichhwade pe ghooma ke tujhse laat padwaaunga! Promise!

On the other hand, am quite happy. Am happy that ye bandi mujhe nahi mili. Agar main bhi pyaar mohabbar ke chutiyape mein pad jaata to shaayad ye post hi nahi likh pa raha hota. Aaj agar ye post main Chennai mein baith ke likh raha hoon, uska credit main is bandi ko hi dunga. Boss, student life mein ya to laundiya pata lo, ya to padhai kar lo. Koshish to maine bhi ki, laundiya pataane ki. Par pati nahi baat alag hai. Aur main apne khuda ka bahut shukrawaar guruwaar hoon ke nahin pati. Chutiyapa ho jaata pat jaati to. Bhendi padhai karke main yahaan tak pahuncha hoon. Duniya dekh raha hoon. Aish kar raha hoon. Masti maar raha hoon. Achhe se achha kaam seekhne ko aur karne ko mil raha hai. Sirf ek wajah se- meri ki hui padhai ke wajah se. Main bhi duste laundon ki tarah ishaqbaazi ki patang uda raha hota. Chutiyapa kar raha hota. Tu khayi kya, tu khaya kya, tu nahaayi kya, tu nahaaya kya, baby, jaanu, sweetu, bachcha….bhaag bc! Am one of the luckiest person. Am God’s own child. Mera koi kuch bura nahi kar sakta. Main bahut aage badhne ke liye paida hua hoon. Aap saath hote to achha lagta. Aap bhi mujhe samajh paate. Meri nazron se duniya dekh paate. Par aapne dusra raasta chuna hai to khaer aapki marzi. Shaayad achha hi hoga ismein bhi kuch. Waise bhi aap jo karte ho, sahi hi hota hai. Aur main jo karta hoon, galat. Khaer chhodo yaar. You can’t force somebody to love you. Aur us se pyaar hone se pehle maine ye shart thode hi rakhi thi, ke woh bhi mujhse pyaar kare? Nahi karti to nahi karti yaar. Apni radha ko yaad kar. Main dil pe nahi leta. Shaayad is se kuch behtar bana ho mere liye. You never know. Even Abhishek got Aishwarya! He defied the thumb-rule that deserve before you desire! :P

Mere saath ek problem hai, aajkal ya to blog likhne ka mann nahin karta. Aur jab karta hai to likhte hi chala jaata hoon! Is it normal. I’ve too many things to say. To share. But I don’t have anyone to share it with. I wanted to share all these things with her. But she decided to remain unmoved with what I say. It’s fine. I used to talk in poetry. Aur jisko meri boli hui baatein palle nahin padti usko Gulzar Saahad, Javed Saahab, Sahir Saahab aur Prasoon Ji kya palle padenge! Isiliye to maine kaha tha ke she is bit dumb! Or may be I am dumb jo apni hi sona ko dumb bola. Aaj woh mere paas nahin hai. Bas uski kuch yaadein hain. Kuch achhi. Kuch buri. Kaafi hai. Jeene ke liye kaafi hai. Atleast I’ve that. Log kehte hain woh bahut buri hai. Mujhe nahin pata ke woh achhi hai ya buri. Main sirf itna jaanta hoon ke jab tak woh mere aas-paas thi, there was this circle of positivity around me. She gave me something. No it wasn’t here heart, though that was and is the only thing that I wish for, she gave me something that is rare. She taught me how to be a good person. But I hate her for one reason. She taught me the traits of a good person. But now when I’m trying to be a good person, she isn’t around to appreciate it. May be, it is what we call LIFE? Sona, tum haath chhuda kar chali gayi ho, par itna to tay hai, main jab tak jiyunga, tumhe har din yaad karunga. “Haath chute bhi to rishte nahin chhoda karte, jaane walon ke liye dil nahin toda karte….” Ho sake to dost maan lena. Nahin, to ek bura sapna. Aage jo tumhari aarzoo ho, shaayad aise hi zindagi haseen hai ??? Chalo yaar, aaj likhne ko bahut kuch hai. Waqt bhi hai. Par is se zyada log padh nahin payenge. Aur is se zyada main likhna nahin chahta apni sona ke bare mein. Nazar lag gayi to meri sona ko? ;->

Take care. Love to all. Power to all.